Inspired by @realestatemogul, I have decided to start my own blog to help conquer my yetzer hara and finally move forward in my life. I'm currently on day 2, and I'm feeling really supported by everyone here on GYE. 

One thing in particular that has really hit me is looking through the leaderboard on the 90-day chart, and seeing that many people who stuggle with this are married. I'm single, and I've always told myself that I'll only struggle with this until I'm married and then the problem will go away, but that's evidently not true. I need to work on this NOW and not let my yetzer hara get the best of me.

Lust is never satisfied. The more we feed it, the more we need it. If we don't work on ourselves before marriage, this addiction has the potential to destroy two people's lives, not just one. Many unmarried bochurim on our network have achieved full abstinence. It is possible.

I haven't been active on this chain, which probably helped cause me to fall again several times. I've been off and on with my successes, but haven't been able to last for more than about 4 days at a time. I just failed about 20 minutes ago and am desperate for a long term solution. For now that'll be being active on this forum. So I guess I'm at day 0 again. Any help would be greatly appreciated, specifically in terms of how to fight off the urge when it comes.

P.S. I am proud of the fact that over the years that I've been in this struggle, I've consistently been able to pick myself up and want to try again, despite the numerous failures.  

Hang in there and try to stick to a plan, if it doesn't seem like helping after a few times, try a new plan.

Unfortunately I'm back to day 0, just had a fall. I keep on fooling myself by convincing myself that If I give in a little bit, If I look at something questionable but not outright too far, then that'll be enough for me. Each time, I'm tricked and I get pulled into the trap that has only ended in a fall. The challenge has been so greatly increased now that I'm back home and have access to unrestricted internet and plenty of free time. Every day I build up the courage and motivation that I'll never fail again, and so many times, when it comes to night time, everything I thought about that day just disappears. 

Some things that worked for me... keep busy, some type of schedule...ovelooking the pain and not going into depression 

strivingforbetter wrote on 17 Apr 2020 07:24:

Hi
We are all in the same boat in these hard times. We all feel your deep pain and so does Hashem. Let's come together (virtually) as a strong group committed to helping each oher in this greatest battle ever! Let's remember that there was never a time like now where each tiny good deed is needed so much and means so much to Hashem our loving father.

United we'll stand, divided we might fall ... 

It may seem like you haven't made progress, but by coming onto GYE and posting on the thread you are already sending a strong message to your y''h that you are going to show him who is boss! Keep coming back and sharing your falls and successes and very soon you will be posting much longer streaks! 

Is there something that you could take out of your life that would help prevent you from falling as easily? Fully filtering all devices? A partial filter or maybe blocking specific websites? 

Today I've reached day 3. A couple times I had the urge, but something that I did which helped was remind myself that the urge that I have right now is not coming from me, it's coming from my yetzer hara whose job it is to blind me so that I fail. Thank you all for the support and replies to this chain, it really means a lot to me and reminds me that I'm not in this alone.

Hey I am happy to see you are still checking back in on GYE! It is super important to stay tuned in to a support system. 

Is there a strategy you are trying now to stay clean? 

Day 5!

BH I was successful today, mostly because I was busy with seder and class for most of the day. Things are really starting to look up

strivingforbetter wrote on 17 Apr 2020 07:24:

Two observations:

• For me, at night time I get moodier and my direction feels fuzzy. I keep wondering what's wrong with me, but the reality is that I'm just tired and need a good sleep. That's the problem about 90% of the time I found and it's really a relief when I can come to accept this
• My daily first step goes like this: "...when I take that first sip, I start to foam from the mouth, throwing away value after value as I desperately grab at anything that will fuel my crescendo of pornography and masturbation rituals (which they are, just like tefilah, tefillin and lulav)". But I know I'm done for after that first sip. Might not be right now, but eventually. eventually.

Day 0,

I really need to beat this. Feel so stuck, honestly so jealous of the people who are successful in keeping up their clean streaks, keep wishing I would be one of them but at the moment it hits me I put up no defense. 

Please help me, Hashem. I'm begging you.

Day one, or one day?

Keep on truckin'

I'm gonna put some thoughts out here because they bother me as well..

I also wish I was this guy who had like 2000 days sobriety, and if I think about it, if I AM that guy, then, well, then what? What's going to be different? Just that number above my avatar so that other people will be like "wow, this guy means the business". For me, wishing for 1000000 days sobriety is just something to stroke my ego. Like, "ah, now I've got it made", but really that day, will be exactly the same as today, with the same annoying issues, the same struggles, the same nonsense. What's different?
For me, the only thing extended sobriety has gifted me is clarity of thought and serenity. And that's all there is really.