שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 06 Feb 2020 03:18:
Day 11. Still Clean.
I want to share another element of my story. Perhaps it is relevant to some of you as well.
In the mid-90s, my parents bought me a Game Boy (the retro big gray one!). I then got other video game consoles as well. I watched hours upon hours of television in my childhood. And, of course, the internet. I have spent way, way, way too much time on the internet.
All of the above are tools. Tools for entertainment. Tools for work, research, etc. The problem for me is that they became more than just devices and tools. Being in front of a screen became more like a zone for me. A familiar space and place to spend time.
In my adult life, I don't own any video game consoles (still sometimes wish I had that old retro Game Boy for nostalgia), I don't own a television, and the internet on my laptop is heavily filtered. Yet, I still find myself in front of my laptop clicking away way too much (I am referring to things that are not forbidden and may even have value). I fall into this old rhythm of being in front of the screen.
That is definitely one of the dynamics at play in my struggle. When I do get access to an unfiltered computer, I almost never start looking at pornography. I just enter the familiar place of in front of screen. The screen zone. Then, nebuch, the rest follows.
While I won't count spending a great amount of time on the internet as a fall, I do want to commit myself to using the internet much less than I have been. I will attempt to post about this as well.
Thanks for sharing and I relate to your constant struggle with electronic media/internet over indulgence. There is actually a 12 step program called Underearners Anonymous for addicts, whose lives have become unmanageable, from chronic behaviors such as compulsive escaping and time drunkeness through electronic media, among other symptoms.
It doesn't sound like you're an addict but I figured I'd just let you know that you're not alone. For me I couldn't deal with any of these behaviors before I was able to stay sober from lust for an extended period of time and now I'm working towards being free from these compulsive behaviors as well ODAAT.
All the best,
grateful4life
