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Learning what to answer
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Learning what to answer 3205 Views

Re: Learning what to answer 12 Dec 2019 03:02 #345906

  • greenland55
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Thank you for helping me clarify these thoughts and you're completely right. I do not consider myself to have any sexual issues, only an inappropriate medium by which to channel stress and unhappiness.
The Jewish community here is not extremely easy to navigate, but I have not put in a very strenuous amount of effort into this. I have come to realize the limits of my relationships with the Jews I associate with here as well as the Rabbi that mentored me. On the other hand I am very bad at putting in effort into social situations. Every single good friend I have I basically befriended incidentally. But in regards to isolation in general, I have not explored all of my allowable options.
Also, I am not completely isolated in that I have good friends but none of them are Jews which puts some limits on certain things.
Basically I am at the stage in which I am no longer gaining as many new tangible benefits from my observance of Torah. That's fine. Jews have been through worse (to put it terribly mildly). Just requires a different mindset and more work.
Last Edit: 12 Dec 2019 03:09 by greenland55. Reason: clarificimation

Re: Learning what to answer 12 Dec 2019 03:05 #345907

  • greenland55
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Thanks for the tip. Hosts file has been good since it has helped me quit a lot of non pornographic time wasters like reddit. But I need to go back to having an accountability partner basically. I know that even if I am tempted now, in the future I'll have to confess and my fear of Hashem will have to be at least backed by my fear of man.

Re: Learning what to answer 12 Dec 2019 03:10 #345908

  • greenland55
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Yes I'll do that. Just been a bit nervous of that stuff is all. But it's needed. Anyway, putting computer in its kennel for the night. Feels good to be at least a day in.

Re: Learning what to answer 15 Dec 2019 15:16 #345962

  • greenland55
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Well things went OK last night, was tempted but instead just played video games. Not optimal but did the job.

Re: Learning what to answer 15 Dec 2019 22:13 #345975

  • greenland55
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Whelp obviously gaming as a distraction didn't work today. Been thinking about all this stuff since Shabbos. Had a fall, P and M separately. Not as bad as last time, but pretty bad.
I need to sort myself out & change my life because it's rotten pretty far deep. Not much more else to say besides what I said last time but was too lazy to do much about. Have basically forgotten why its not a good thing so I'll need to learn that. Gain some hope for life and have other habits. Not using porn can't be the only healthy thing I do, but right now that's my goal. Maybe eating a big bowl of fried junk wasn't actually a sign of having my house in order. Porn is self medication for other problems that I have or perceive. This whole saga of falls and more falls has only been a month and a half so really it's time to stop kidding around and man up.

Re: Learning what to answer 16 Dec 2019 02:01 #345980

  • DavidT
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greenland55 wrote on 15 Dec 2019 22:13:
Whelp obviously gaming as a distraction didn't work today. Been thinking about all this stuff since Shabbos. Had a fall, P and M separately. Not as bad as last time, but pretty bad.
I need to sort myself out & change my life because it's rotten pretty far deep. Not much more else to say besides what I said last time but was too lazy to do much about. Have basically forgotten why its not a good thing so I'll need to learn that. Gain some hope for life and have other habits. Not using porn can't be the only healthy thing I do, but right now that's my goal. Maybe eating a big bowl of fried junk wasn't actually a sign of having my house in order. Porn is self medication for other problems that I have or perceive. This whole saga of falls and more falls has only been a month and a half so really it's time to stop kidding around and man up.

HI, did you ever get in touch with one of the great guys here? If not please do yourself a favor and do it... it's too hard to go it alone... do you need suggestions of whom to reach out to? 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Learning what to answer 22 Dec 2019 13:51 #346141

  • greenland55
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Yes that would be helpful thank you. I need to change my strategy here. Updating this post probably isn't helping at the moment so I will need to do other things. Just had a fall again aso this after shabbos thing is becoming a problem. Video games had something to due with this time as well. But I think I'll be doing other things for this than posting here for the moment. Thanks for the help.

Re: Learning what to answer 29 Dec 2019 05:17 #346321

  • greenland55
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Fell yet again. This is pretty serious. Just basically bypassed rather than disabled filters. Being a tech-enabled individual has some downsides.
The only solutions that are going to work for me are physical access control and accountability. Every day that I do not work on those things is a day in which I fall. Need to work on the things for which I self medicate and self discipline.
Also had some alcohol which certainly does not help with decision making and may have been largely responsible for this fall which was on a bit of a whim. I am quitting drinking which is unlikely to be super hard for me since I did it for months on end very recently. Have fallen plenty of times dead sober though.
So:
Get computer away in all circumstances
Get better filters
Stop drinking at all

Re: Learning what to answer 29 Dec 2019 16:26 #346345

  • DavidT
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greenland55 wrote on 29 Dec 2019 05:17:
Fell yet again. This is pretty serious. 
So:
Get computer away in all circumstances
Get better filters
Stop drinking at all

@greenland55 we are all in this together and like many others you will get out of it too IY"H.
Please add to your list (to the top of the list) "Get a real accountability partner". This will be to difficult to do on your own. The filters are only as good as your WILLPOWER and support from other good fellows...  
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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