The following post is intended for people who have at least a few days under their belt who are having long term doubts about their own motivations.
What would you do if, G-d forbid, you met a non Jewish woman tomorrow who was extremely interested in you? If she wanted quick intimacy, would you turn her down? Think to yourself about this honestly.
You didn't have to apply to be a Jew, you were born one (or convered according to Halakha. You were given the Torah and a portion in it, never to be abrogated. G-d can't divorce Himself from you, as this parsha discusses. Do you have contempt on the Torah for that reason? Because there was no chance of you being rejected as you might if you, G-d forbid, tried seducing a woman?
It's not incredibly easy for most men to make women want to sleep with them. So when you claim to oppose that sort of behaviour, are you sincere or are you just making do with not having an easy time with women? Basically are you following the Torah because you believe its precepts or in order to avoid possible rejection?
This sin that we all struggle with here makes us weak. We are unconfident around women and even men, because we carry around the schmutz we look at whenever we get a chance.
We look at non-religious people and consider them superior to us because at least they are honest and consistent about their beliefs and actions. And the thought of using the same hands to wrap tefillin as... It's terrible for you and your mind and makes you question all of your own actions.
When as G-d willing you start to break this, you will be more of a man. You will be more charismatic and attractive and confident. You will have more options. But when that happens, G-d willing, and as that is happening, you need to think about how you will behave when you have options, and what your goals are.
I am at 78 days as of this writing, and I can tell you all of these things are true. I can now look a man in the eye without feeling like a total fraud. If you come into this challenge as a man who chooses G-d over options you don't even have at the moment, you can overcome this with a smile and with confidence in G-d and your own motivations.
TL;DR: Make your decision for following Torah from the position of your future strength, even if you don't feel strong right now.
Best wishes, feel free to email me at
kornjaca55@zoho.com if you have any questions/loved/hated it or want help.
Edit: just realized posted this on the "on the road to 90 days" and not "breaking free". If a mod wants to move it I'd not mind.
