BecomeHoly wrote on 26 Jul 2010 09:32:


I will tell you from experince that it can be weeks or months not days till I get back up. I had a lot of chizuk from this post. I broke a streak of 88 days last week and am about 1 day clean now and before I read your post I did not care to not fall again. I had very little motivation not to. I am really living lost in the moment, not focused on living a vibrant life, sleeping while awake. Not intune to long term wants or trying to be my best. Just rolling from one moment to the next. Living without passion and not really caring if i fall or not.

You post helped me remember I don't want to continue like this. Thanks

Ok so heres the story.

No RID. Nothing wrong. JUST HORNY!

I'm approaching day 40. (if not at it already). I've been crazy sensitive the past week. The Y"H is using all kind of tricks. The dreams i'm having. The most RANDOM lust hits. Like "hey why don't you just go right now and find some porn and just enjoy it." Whats the big deal? It'll only take five minutes.... OR "common, don't u feel that tension. Just masturbate and relieve the pressure. Its ok. you've been doing so well. Just let yourself feel this natural function." You're only relievign pressure. It will help you succeed. ..........

LIES! ALL OF THEM!

But seriously... I'm so sensitive that there isn't even a buffer zone. I am almost always on super sensitive mode these days and the tiniest little thing could trip me up.  I feel no different then when I was 14. Life is going great and so on and so forth, all this seems to be is the basic y"h.

I've been very good w/ avoiding triggers, yet still he's pusshing it my way.

I've been trying hard to just picture the "after effect" of after I act out. Its been a quick deterrent. But I'm getting worn down. Its been every 10 minutes i'm being nagged by the y"h for the past 3 hours. Just going to pee is a challenge, forget about requiring any trigger..

Any suggestions?

have you tried exercising?
it might sound stupid but sometimes when pressure is really up on me to fall, i go pound out on the treadmill and do weights, row a bissle- until im almost too exhausted to move. then i quickly jump in shower and go to sleep.
when i wake up, it's morning and i've got yet another special day dedicated to Hashem notched in my belt

i had just spent 2 days working out a lot when I wrote this... so yes..i've tried.. thx tho

ברוך ה!