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Become Holy's Journey
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Become Holy's Journey 16823 Views

Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 14:34 #44328

  • BecomeHoly
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What drives you? What motivates you? Why do you get up in the morning? Why don't you just drop everything and sleep when you're super exhausted and nothing is going right? Why fight?

Life sucks, everything hurts, and you can't seem to get enough sleep no matter what you do?

How do you keep on going when this is going on?

some people are driven by money. Some by honor or success. But this life is fleeting... why bother?


In order to be driven toward success I must taste it first. But if I haven't tasted it, how do drive to it?


When I have a fall, guards 90 day chart sends me a "don't despair" Why not?
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 16:19 #44406

  • kollel guy
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Well I was waiting for my daily chizuk, I really needed a good incentive to go get'm. Thanks man...
Just kidding. I'm sort of past your stage. I'm bored of being depressed. It's just not fun anymore. The self pitying just gets old and you want something new.
So how did I break out of it? I made the realization, that logically - I should never feel like my life is in any way a bad thing, and that I would c"v be better of the other way. How do I know that? Because if H-shem thought that was the case - then he would do something about it. And being that he keeps me here, it's clear proof that I'm better off here than anywhere else. (Unless of course I'm such a rasha that he wants me to stay alive to use up all my zechusim, so that I don't get any olam haba. But I highly doubt that's the case, because those situations are reserved for people like Hitler Titus and Truman, and although I don't think of myself of such a great guy, I'm certainly not EVIL to the core - which is what is required for such a judgement.)
Being that this is so, I just have to figure out why the heck I feel this way, if I just proved to myself that the feeling is 100% unwarrented.
What I realized was that the feeling was IN MY HEAD and was being caused by situations around me which had nothing to do with truth. Yes I had just fallen, yes I was behind on my learning, yes there were many things in my life which I was UNCOMFORTABLE about, but if I didn't recognize what a priviledge it was to wake up and simply say modeh ani, then I was not thinking in realistic terms, and my brain was not to be given any attention. Even if modeh would be the only thing I did all day, it would STILL be worth it!!!
So my advice to you is: Draw up the mindset which you believe is IDEAL for SOMEONE ELSE in your exact situation, as if your giving your friend realistic advice, and then look over the paper, and realize you have your own goals with instructions on how to get there in your hands.
Good luck man,
KG
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 16:33 #44414

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But what about when you're so "dead" you have no interesting in thinking. When I wake up, all I want to do is keep sleeping. I am not conscious enough to do any debating w/ myself about how god loves me or whatever. If I do manage to get up... a few hours later I am so dead that I just want to get into bed and sleep until I can sleep no more (even if end up doing so, inevitably, I sleep terribly, because many many things end up disturbing my sleep).

When you're so far gone you're a zombie that is just looking for relief..... then what drives you to keep going?  Because for me, at that point I don't care...... I need my sleep fix....
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 16:43 #44418

  • kollel guy
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Why are you so concerned about philosophy at 3:30am? Who cares if you don't feel a real overwhelming drive to live - at a time when your too tired to even think?
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 17:16 #44441

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Where I'm at its 9:15am. I couldn't sleep all night, and the only reason I'm up now is because I didn't go to sleep, but went to shachris instead. I'm exhausted, but I have to work, or I will lose my job (I'm on eggshells already..).

But I've been meaning to start a discussion about this for a while... because it seems that most people I know also get no sleep.. but they keep on going somehow... so I'm wondering how... because it aint working for me at all.



On a side note, this article is quite interesting: www.aish.com/sp/pg/80328172.html
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 17:23 #44449

  • kollel guy
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OK fine, so your ba'ayah has nothing to do with "feeling a point" but rather a plain and pashut sleep disorder....
Am I correct?
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 18:33 #44467

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I think its a combinations of things:

My sleeping schedule is a mess. Reasons for this are:

a) Even when I do sleep, its not always such good sleep. Either because I wake up from noises, or my stomach is hurting....

b) Because of my poor sleep, I end up sleeping during the day, which means I don't sleep well at night. I don't get good sleep during the day because I often get woken up by other people who are doing things around the house or whatever... and I also need to leave my phone on for work calls...

c) Because I'm tired, I often am too tired/ lazy to get things done, yet not tired enough to be able to fall asleep...  so I end up wasting time or watching a movie.... once I start... I tend to "finish" the activity even though it means I end up going to sleep a lot later than I could have because, for example, I was tired enough to sleep halfway through the movie...

I'm pretty sure I don't have an actual sleep disorder... its just circumstances I can't seem to pull myself out of.

But realistically, when you're married, and your newborn is up every hour... people still manage to work and do everything else... I don't even have that and I'm literally sinking... how do they do it?
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 18:44 #44472

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The rule is, and I don't know how this works - but it does, if YOU create the disadvantage - you can't deal with it. If it "happens" to you - you are able to get by.
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 18:51 #44474

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Well theoreticlly I do create the disadvantage... all I need to do is get up same time every day for 2 weeks. No sleeping during the day. If I do that I think I'll be back on target. But I don't I screw up. I waste time. I don't get things done. I am irresponsible... what do I do now..?
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 18:55 #44475

  • kollel guy
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Well what would you tell me to do?
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 19:01 #44477

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Well I'm in a rut... thats the problem. I have set myself up to get out of the rut in one week. I have a new job, a new environment.... a schedule I must follow or I lose my lodging... but until then... I have TONS I need to do. I need to do work stuff. I need to do lots of errands! And my flight is in a week. I'm getting nowhere near enough done. Its quite a problem...  so in truth, yes, I'm headed in the right direction... but I'm literally being torn up on the way... and besides that, the point is, I don't want to live my life in survival mode. I want to live my life in "life is good" mode. Even when it sucks. I want that smile to stay on my face through thick or through thin. I want the energy and drive to keep accomplishing even though I only slept an hour. There are many people I know who do just that. How?????
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 11 Jan 2010 19:51 #44484

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OK so if I was in your situation, what would you advise me do do first?
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 12 Jan 2010 17:22 #44835

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I DON"T know! Otherwise I wouldn't have posted the question!
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 12 Jan 2010 18:42 #44866

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B"H, BH, this aint a new problem.

#1 - get enough sleep. 6,7,or 8 hrs - whatever works for you. The more refreshed, the better and faster you'll work. If you have trouble falling asleep due to anxiety, take a natural sleep aid with melatonin (ask your DR how much to mg to take) or the homeopathic (with melatonin also) called Sleep MD. But you need 7 to 8 hrs for sleep after that. Start w/ a relaxing shower, take the med, then listen in your bed to your fav music or read relaxing torah bites for the 20 min it takes to get into your system.
#2 - Vivarin or cheap imitations. It's a little yellow pill packing 200 mg of caffein, almost 2 cups of coffee. don't overdo it, it's for a pickmeup if you're groggy and slowing down. It's like an ER tab, so the jolt kicks in 20 min after you take one, and lasts 3.5 hrs after that. And limit other caffein things while taking it.
#3 - DAVEN for hatzlacha. Make sure to get to shachris on time, the better you feel about yourself, the more confidence you'll have for the day, the more you'll accomplish.
#4 - Dont bite off more than you can chew. Prioritize, and discard or delegate the rest.
#5 - if things get sterile during the day & your work rate slows down, get out & go for a 15 min walk - with headphones of music or shiur - youll have more & fresh energy to pick up where you left off.
#6 - limit your posts for the week - by time or minyan - careful not to trade one addiction for another...

BTW, this is ALL do as I say & not as I do... I'm also a big procrastinator, and then the anxiety of the overload slows me down more. And I'm very caught by #6...
No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
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Re: Become Holy's Journey 12 Jan 2010 19:35 #44913

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Thanks Steve :-)

Ok... so yesterday, I slept from 3pm - 12pm. Then again from 4-6am this morning. Still tired. I didn't have any issues this time falling asleep either... My mom is also big on many of these things... and I've tried em... with no effect.

Oh and caffiene just makes me pee literally every five minutes... yes.. literally, and makes me all jittery = no less tired.... just all nervous jittery, and in the bathroom.

I'm trying to figure out the secret those other people have. The ones who just keep on truckin even though theres a whole army out to get them. HOW????
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