I've never reached this milestone before. I’m so grateful! It’s all Hashem’s doing. It’s not even me... I try and do my hishtadlus, but what I’ve noticed is that it’s Hashem gifting me with day after day of cleanliness. They say cleanliness is next to Gdliness, and they’re right! The cleaner and purer I get, the more I look to Hashem and thank Him for everything He’s given me.

I've recently come to the realization that being negative and pessimistic draws harmful energies which may lead to acting out. I had a rough upbringing, and as I adjust to a healthy adulthood, I’m learning to be positive and focus on love. I love Hashem! I have every excuse to have an excuse, but in the end, it’s all about my relationship with Hashem. If I can give one solid piece of advice, it’s to maintain, cherish, and expand your relationship with Hashem. Yiddishkeit takes on a whole new understanding when it’s done from the perspective of being in a relationship with Hashem. I want so badly to do right by Him, to be a pure and holy vessel capable of containing Torah, kedusha, and simcha.

To conclude, thank You Hashem for letting me reach 45 days clean. I know the next 45 will be challenging but I’m confident we can get through it together. I love You so much!!

I give everyone on GYE a bracha that we should become close to Hashem and have the self awareness to want to do right by Him. Iy”H this should be the last tisha b’av in galus and we should be zoche to geula b’karov ad bias goel tzedek bimheira viameinu amen!

I'm happy for you.

I don't know what close to Hashem means, and I don't know if the people that say that really know what it means either.

I fear that when people say they are close to Hashem what they really mean is that at that moment they think that they are close.

Maybe you have a good definition of close to Hashem? When you think about your friend (not
yourself) how can you tell if he's close and how can you tell if he is not close?

With closeness, it’s hard to put it into words. You just know it. When you do what you’re supposed to be doing and have hakaras hatov towards Hashem, you feel His Presence more and more throughout the day. If you want to feel closeness with Hashem, you’ll do what’s necessary to make it happen. It’s like if you want to impress a girl.. you’ll go out of your way, write a poem, sing a song etc. Whatever it takes to show the person that you love them and are willing to do anything to make the relationship work.

If I want a healthy relationship with Hashem, I have to do my part. I gotta stay clean, daven, include Him in everything I do, and genuinely yearn for a connection with Him. Why wouldn’t He respond? One of His creations that actually want a kesher with Him?! Of course He’s gonna do everything possible to make you aware of Him.

It’s one of those things that take time. Keep working at it. You’ll get there.

Perhaps.

This definition is what I was afraid of.

I think I found a good definition of closeness in this week's parsha:

כִּ֚י מִי־ג֣וֹי גָּד֔וֹל אֲשֶׁר־ל֥וֹ אֱלֹהִ֖ים קְרֹבִ֣ים אֵלָ֑יו כַּֽיהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֵ֔ינוּ בְּכָל־קָרְאֵ֖נוּ אֵלָֽיו:

According to this closeness is the direct result of calling to Hashem.

Now the question is what really constitutes calling and what's fantasy ...