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TOPIC: Relapse 1702 Views

Relapse 04 Mar 2018 07:52 #327699

  • eli613
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Hi GYE Friends. 
I was at plus 70 days of sobriety and I was feeling proud about myself for making it that far. Purim came and I took an Uber ride back from a Purim party and the Uber driver just happened to be a young nice girl. I started to flirt with her and my adrenaline kicked into very high gear and when I got home I went onto a website that I had listed in my inner circles, it only lasted a few minutes before I amazingly pulled myself away from it. The next day I spoke to my sponsor and I realized that I would have to start over from day one since I violated one of my inner circles. The following evening after another Purim party I was about to go into my house but my addiction kicked in and I Ubered over to a bar. I took off my yarmulke and started to party like a goy, at some point I was touching a girl and her friend told me that I was being inappropriate, I apologized and left, as I realized that I went too far. 
Boruch hashem I stayed sober today and I now realize that alcohol played a big role in losing my sobriety. I am working with my sponsor to have some rules in place regarding alcohol. Also, my wife was not interested in attending any of these parties and although I didn't say anything to her, I was a little upset about her not wanting to go with me and that made me feel that it was ok to act out. I was also secretly hoping that I would just walk into something that would allow me to act out without having enough time to think about it and contact my sponsor. Hashem gave me just a small taste of that so that I can see how foolish my thoughts were. I am thankful that this acting out has not resulted in what my previous acting out would have been with a massage provider and committing some kind of sexual act. I now have another chance to start over with purer intentions, to learn from my mistakes and to commit to recovery in an even greater way than before. 

Re: Relapse 04 Mar 2018 13:20 #327704

  • Hashem Help Me
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Thanks for sharing. So many people gain from posts like this. Your honesty and courage are signs of someone truly focused on recovery. Whats the plan for next time your wife doesnt want to join the party? How will you deal with the resentment? And whats the alcohol policy from now on?
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Relapse 04 Mar 2018 13:42 #327705

  • baalshemtov
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Wow it’s nice to hear that you were able to not go all the way with the desires, I had similar situation happen to me where I got extremely drunk on Purim, came Home figured out the restriction password on my phone and was in a different world, unfortunately I was not able to stop myself, I’ve also realized that alcohol plays a big part in me falling, now I’m trying to figure out how to manage my alcohol intake without it having to cause me to sin 

Re: Relapse 04 Mar 2018 22:23 #327711

  • tiefster88
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Hey great Post eli613
Sorry for my ignorance but can you explain to me what an "inner circle" of websites is?

Re: Relapse 05 Mar 2018 01:15 #327719

  • HakolMilimala
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You now realize that alcohol played a big role in losing your sobriety?
Oy vey, that’s a pretty basic and important thing you should have been ready for when you decided to drink. Just understand that you’re taking a risk before you choose to get intoxicated. And make a plan for when you drink. Maybe before you drink, promise yourself that the only taxi you will order is the taxi home, that way you don’t find yourself in all sort of obscure places by the end of the night.
Hatzlacha
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