Well Rabbosai,
As much as I was looking froward to reporting to you that I have conquered the mountain, I unfortunately have to tell you that I entered n intense battle on day 87 and sustained serious casualties. Although I lost this battle and as depressing as it is, I am ready to dust myself off, regroup, rearmour myself and head back into battle. I recognize that it is only the battle I have lost but not the war. It is difficult for me to look at thie situation and understand how I allowed myself to lose but the emes is that the yetzer horah wants me to be depressed and go binging and not get back up to fight. So I am not going to give him that victory.
Exactly 1 year ago today, I discovered GUE and it has literally changed my life. I do not have an exact cheshbon but I have had somewhere between 180 and 211 clean days in the last year! No matter which way you look at it, that is thousands of mashchitim that were not created through shz"l. So I am ready to go back into battle. I do not have the clarity how I will fight and get my spirits up. I am still embarrassed to daven to Hashem because I feel like a hypocrite but I know that once I get going it will be easier.
I would like to join the phone group and continue to post as we move towards the next 90 days.
Good Shabbos
P.Y.