Shalom alehem raboysay!

To introduce myself. I'm 29. A halahic jew. I wasn't frum from birth, but now I observe everything according to aloha.
   I was practising masturbation since school. Doing it regulary with watching porn I've started I think since 2008. Since then I also had long and short relations with women. Never BH had problems with sex and was able doing it several times a night, etc.

So I must underline 3 periods of my struggle:

1) When I realized the harm of masturbating I've started my struggle. It was in summer 2014. That time I had a contact with TV, internet. My first clear period lasted 3 weeks.
For the next 8 months my average amount of Falls ( times I did zera levatala - masturb.act with ending) was approximetly 8.3 Falls/month.

2)Then I had +/- regular sex relations with a girl (I didn't observe then) and for the nearest ~3 months I was clean. So by 11 months  I had all in all 9 Falls . Also had a 2.5/months clear period.
Almost all of them were done with a contact with bad video(or m/b also photo).I tried to reduce my contacts with computers, but still had some of them surrounding me. 

3) Then since I've started observe all the mizvos I've ended that relations since may 2016. This is my statistics of falls:
may 5 Falls (mast-on acts with ending), june 4, july 11, aug 6, sept 3, oct 4, nov. 3, dec. 5, jan 5, febr. 3, march 4, apr. 1, may 5, june 3, jul 3, aug 3, sept 6, oct 3.
During that period I was watching porn rare and most times Fell to masturbating through fantasies about my past sex relations with girls and erotic images.
    Last 47 DAYS I'm clear from zera levatals and watchind porn. Though 23 days ago I watched erotic photoes, but did not give up to zera levatala.
   I also had been to a good proffesional non religious phsycologist, who told me that I don't have an addiction. And advised me to marry and told that if I marry I may be even will be able to use internet without filters.
   Now since I've discovered this site I'm amazed by it. I've adjusted a cosher filter and use wattsup, bank app and a few frum apps like sepharia, daf jomi, arami-ivri dictionary etc.
   My aim now is to find a partner(s) to cooperte. I've tried using chat room at the site, but found out that they are good for introdusement. When you want to start serious analasis or even before - after some superficial talk - people just don't answer, vanish and go offline. And you cannot find the conversation after that.
   I' m an experienced amateur sportsman and there you need a partner to share experince with, to whatch you from aside when you're doing, for example, push-upps or punching. Those who want to climb a mountain also go in couple. We need to support each other.
Here we also need discipline and regular connection. I think many people don' t understand that.
    That's why I whant to have such a partner (s) on wattsup for a serious work. If you want to become my partner and move together to our common result wtite me here.                                  
                           ________Best regards, Mar M

Courageous and honest post! Yes, posting is a great step towards toward recovery. Personally I do not have whats app but I am sure others do. A partner is an excellent idea, so pursue it. If regular phone is an option, please feel free to be in contact (but I seem to recall that that wouldn't work for you) Hatzlocha with the journey. 

Shalom Mar,

I take it that you're the statistician around here. It is obviuos that you made lots of progress in your life in general, and that's amazing! I'm sure getting frum and dropping physical contact with girls ain't easy. I wish you lot's of success on your journey! Those of us you decide to take this journey seriously are bound to learn and grow a lot! 

On a side note, I'm sorry to bust your perception, but married men desperately need filters too, as many here can attest. 

So, 47 days is quite a mehalech; what has helped you thus far?

Love u Hashem, thank you for your broha.

Yes, I understand that kosher internet is a must, by all means. I just assumed his words to me. 

As for your question:          

1) I think that my result yet isn't brilliant, because I've already had clear periods (~3 months while relations, and 2,5 being alone)
2) If to compare with that 2,5 months and now that time I believed that i will do shiduh and mary soon, so the reason was faith.
3) Now I think that the main reason of succeess is that I understood that I'm REAllY NOT ALONE. That there are people that work on that and cope, win.
As after having success just in reducing, but not healing, and after being to non religious phsychologist, I thought that certain times per month (3-4) is the normal need of the body and is in the nature of things. But I was not setisfied, every time my jewish sole was acking.

4) I've realized that total treatment is possible. And even without being married yet. That there ARE methodics, tools. 
In my struggle it was like I used the candle for light and now Hashem gave me an electric bulb...I even cannot find how to compare!...
Its like having found the parts of a puzzle that were left, now you see that its possible to see a hole picture.

Because some of the tools  I've already used before GYE:
- had a strong determination

- redused using computers ( sold my iphone to use cheap nokia without brouzer), presented my iPad and notebook

- tryed not to sleep on back and stomack l, not eat meat before dleeping lefi kizur shulhan aruh
- learned musar 
- did sports regulary (pumping iron & running)
- was leading statistics of Falls
- learned Tora ( Gemora, aloha, humash) every day. So it was my main occupation.
- so avoided laziness
- off course imidiately did tshuva

But all that wasn't enouth.

Michael, toda raba.

Yes, you're right :
- calls to regular phone doesn't fit me as I live in Europe, its expensive always to call to US. Do i need wasttsup

- the e-mail as a means of working with partner is unconvenient. For example, if a person needs an urgent support from his partner he doesn't have time to wait an email respons. He needs wastsupp.
Email is the stone age  
Like dove male and candles..))
Besides, I don't see danger in wattsup for myself now.

Hello to everybody reading this:)

Aproximently 19 days have passed since my last post. main points:

1. Im still clean Baruh Hashem

2. Still looking for sponsor. If there is somebody from Israel i'd be glad! 
i prefer wattsup or mail

3. Question:
One experienced guy from here after reading my story told me that if im clean till Hanuca then im not an addict.

So what period of cleaness (for my case) will be enouth to say that im ready tomake Shiduh?
Hom many months? 3? 6? A year?

Hi Mar M,
I don't know if I'm qualified to be a sponsor, but I'd be happy to be a partner. I'm married + kids, 56  and I live in Israel. You can email me at rbfly09@gmail.com if you're interested.

Rabo'say, in the Handbook an " online Accountability group on forum " is mentioned. Can you help me to find it ?

Rabosay, I've finaly reached the 90 days. I did it for the 1st attempt and must say withiout big dufficulty.
Now, as you see, I am 105 days sober. To my personal account (without acting out and watching p-n already) ~132 days.

The only 2 things that are sometimes, regulary bothering me are night accidents and unproper assosiasions,which don't make me excited or tempered, but...

I think it may be a sideaffect, because i am much concerned about the hole subject last months, and give much attention to that themes in my mind.
It's strange that when i was acting out ~ 3 times/ months i didnt have those assosiasons.)

I hope they will go away

Now i am reading the AA big book, try to analize my life, find out my bad feautures of character and plan to discuss all my dirty laundry with my sponsor.
​

Night accidents or wet dreams are actually a good sign. It means the subconscious has come to realize you are not consciously doing the "release".  After some time that subsides too. Mazel tov on your great accomplishment. B'ezras Hashem keep it up!

I agree with the previous post. My rebbaim said that when you start the fight its actually a bracha to get wet dreams because it releives your fight during the day.... its hashems way of saying ONE STEP AT A TIME!!!

( I heard this in the name  of reb yaakov kaminetzky but never confirmed it.)

Wow incredible, a true example to follow.
I would like to talk with you, here’s my email: tofeajlejatpiaj@gmail.com
got WhatsApp too.