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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Starting again 6093 Views

Starting again 24 Feb 2009 13:35 #3228

  • bs d
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Dear everyone, i'm a bochur who has been struggling for a long time to stay clean. I have b"h managed on a few occasions to stay clean for up til 2 weeks but then the y"h wins. I have been reading the forum for some time and have recieved the chizuk emails which i find help alot. I recently just fell and now i wanna pick myself back up to go even further than ever before. Please help me by giving me chizuk, which i find helps me more than anything else. And bs"d we will all realise our sheifos!
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Re: Starting again 25 Feb 2009 05:26 #3251

  • eme
Welcome! Keep posting and keep reading! It really makes a big difference.
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Re: Starting again 25 Feb 2009 07:08 #3252

  • Shomer
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Hi BS D,

Welcome to the boards.  Your are certainly in the right place.  Stay strong and keep posting.
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Starting again 25 Feb 2009 13:50 #3265

  • bs d
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It looks i'm gonna have to start again, i fell again last night. B"h today has been good so far. What has kept me going is a vort i once heard on rosh chodesh. Hashem told moshe 'hachodesh haze lochem' dont read it 'chodesh' rather 'chidush'. Hashem was telling moshe why us jews base our calender around the orbit of the moon and not the sun. The moon orbits the earth 12 times a year and starts off small and them gets bigger- till its full- and then gets smaller till it eventually disappears and then restarts again. Hashem was telling moshe that the chidush (the moon which renews itself) is for you- for you klal yisrael to learn from, that just like the moon renews itself so to we should renew ourselves constantly. We may have fallen but with lesson of the chodesh WE WILL START AGAIN!
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Re: Starting again 25 Feb 2009 18:37 #3294

  • eme
Its important to take new safeguards every time you fall. Why are you on the computer every day? For entertainment?
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Re: Starting again 25 Feb 2009 18:58 #3297

  • Mevakesh Hashem
BS"D

The fact that you are reaching out for help is agood sign!

If you want, youi can contact me privately and we can work on a strategy to make sure you kick this for good this time!

Chazak V'Ematz!
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Re: Starting again 25 Feb 2009 19:23 #3299

  • Shomer
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HI BS D,

I would advise you to look for a good filter and perhaps an accountability partner to monitor your activities online.  I know it may be hard to have someone else look at what you do, but sometimes we need to make sacrifices to get better.  Please strongly consider this option.
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Starting again 25 Feb 2009 21:32 #3309

  • bs d
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First of all thanks everyone for taking the time to read my posts, it gives me a massive chizuk just knowing that there are people answering my cry for help! You have suggested i get filter and accountability software. This would help regarding the issue of looking at p... However i find that many of the times that i fall are due to the fact that i have fantasised about shmutz rather than actually seen it- obviously the fact that i have watched this shmutz before only serves to make the fantasies stronger, but i havent done that for quite some time now. The thing about my type of problem is that the triggers are in my mind! I also think it depends on my state of mind that triggers me to fantasise, i can go often for a few days without falling because i havent thought about anything, but then the y"h strikes back to make sure i dont continue and gives me bad thoughts. I might be able to control my eyes but its much harder to control my thoughts!
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Re: Starting again 26 Feb 2009 01:08 #3321

  • Shomer
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Hi BS D,

You are right that it is easier to control your mind than to control your thoughts.  But that does not obviate you from watching your eyes too.

Are you nichshul in viewing things that you should not be watching on the Internet?

Just because there may be 2 problems here (shmiras h'ainayim and machshovos) does not mean that you should neglect to attend to either of them.

Keep posting and keep us up to date.

Hatzlacha!
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Starting again 26 Feb 2009 19:11 #3347

  • bs d
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Once again thanks for replying. You dont know what a relief it is just to 'speak' to u guys on the forum, i have never opened my mouth to anyone about my struggles with the y"h in these matters.
B"h i haven't fallen since i did last which is coming ur to 2 days. I think just knowing i'm telling people on the forum whats happening gives me a chizuk, since i know that he i fall i will have to tell you all, and that stops me. This is also something i have never had before.
You asked me whether i use the internet for p... And the answer is that although i have looked at shmutz in the more recent past, it hasn't been on the internet. I havent watched p.. on the net for at least 8 months.
HOWEVER i have looked at shmutz in other forms either by dirty magazines or videos that i managed to get my hands on. I also have read stories that haven't been clean. Basically i'm saying that for me just to get a filter for the internet wont help, as i dont have regular access to the internet- when i do use the internet its on someone elses computer. (Thats why i  haven't watched shmutz on the net for such a long time b"h)
Thats why my main problem is fantasies rather than actual p... since i cant b"h access p... just when i want.
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Re: Starting again 26 Feb 2009 21:41 #3349

  • the.guard
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BS D, It's so wonderful to have you here on the forum with us, battling the Yetzer hara for hashem's honor.

Here are some tips that might help you... Read down the page till the bottom (it doesn't have to all be at once).
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ15.asp
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Starting again 01 Mar 2009 13:36 #3407

  • bs d
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Thanks guard ur eyes for directing me to that page of chizuk, i know ur really busy at the moment!
B"h today is day 5, bli ayin hora, and i dont think i'd be here if not for this forum!
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Starting again 02 Mar 2009 16:26 #3458

  • bs d
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B"h today is day 6. I'm not feeling so well today so i purpose i'll have to be extra strong. Hashem help me!
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Re: Starting again 02 Mar 2009 17:43 #3465

  • the.guard
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Yes, when we are weak and sick we are more vulnerable. See this thread here. It's good you are aware of this and can be extra careful :-) Refuah Shleimah!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Starting again 03 Mar 2009 13:39 #3493

  • bs d
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Today is b"h day 7.
I still feel weak but i have been davening to hashem extra hard not to let go of me and continue to give me strength in this battle!
Every time i feel an urge i head straight to the forum and read the posts. They are such amazing sources of chizuk!
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