I want to recount for a minute here my way to 100 and something days. Hope you'll excuse the length of it.

How did i get to where i am now?

I was desperate. I was watching porn and\or masturbating sometimes 5 times a day. I was losing my life and myself. I felt it hindering me in everything i tried to do. Friends, family, work, learning. I dont think i have to describe to you all the bad effects it had on my life, if you're here you probably know it all.

So, it all started when I prayed as never before (i was truly desperate) for enlightment, wisdom and help from the Almighty.

I dont think it was a miracle, but surely it was the hand of G-d that gave it to me. Enlightment, some wisdom, and a few weapons in the form of GYE.

The weapons i got were:

1. understanding. I understood the nature of my problem. Its an illness, an addiction, and as such cannot be treated by myself alone.

2. hope and encouragement. I found out that its not just me, and that people with far worse conditions could be and were healed, and that after 90 days clean the challenge should become a lot easier.

3. Occupational therapy. I started filling my day with activity that kept me occupied and satisfied without my drug of choice.

4. Substituting drug. The way porn addicts a person is by releasing tremendous amount of endorphines and so keeps him coming for more, just the way some heavy drugs do. So i started lifting weights to get the endorphines my body wanted badly. Sometimes 2 times a day. Generally, whenever i feel a strong urge, thats where i go.

5. Social support. The forum and the chat was a great tool to interact with people that have the same condition and can have the understanding and give support in times of need. Also it was a good way to get off my chest the struggles i was going through.

6. Mind based defense tool. The taphsic method was super effective. When you know you will have to pay 500 bucks if you'll have this tiny pick at bad stuff, it balances the scales.

7. Physical defense tool. I asked my internet provider to activate the free of charge web filter service they give. Even though its easy to override, it still gives me some time to rethink my decision, and blocks annoying random inappropriate material. Only bad thing about it was that i tried sometimes "just out of curiosity" to outsmart it. BH i caught myself on time and thats in the past now.

8. Learning from other's experience. Reading through the threads of success and failure helped me to figure out the best path for myself. instead of tripping and groping in the dark alone i am just using the road marks left by others. Its much easier (APB and special thanks for CORDNOY here, his thread is awsome. though i couldn't finish it).

9. Talking to the experienced. I reached out, or more accurately, he reached out to me and clarified for me a few things. (Since i know he doesnt mind posting his name, all hail Hashem Help Me.)

10. Checking myself for flaws. Every few weeks im checking on my state of mind and general progress, for possible improvements and work needed be done.

11. asking help from the Almighty. Im adding almost every day a personal prayer at the end of 'shmone esre', asking strength and courage to pass the day clean.

The benefits i got because of my work are huge.

1. Time. I have time!!! I did so many things in that time!

2. Friends. I almost abandoned my friends because of my addiction. Now i got them back again.

3. Physical strength. Working out built my body to the level i was a few years ago and more in some areas.

4. Clarity. I am a much better learner those days. I can almost speak one more language.

5. Life. I have my life again. Everything i denied myself from is now coming back.

Now will i be able to continue forever? I pray with all my heart. Is it possible for me to fall? Of course. Do i want that to happen? No. I slip sometimes. Happens. I regret it badly. But i never let myself dwell on it. I just move forward, for if i will dwell on it it will be as foolish as just giving up the struggle and crying which inevitably will lead to more falling and crying. Instead i should analyze what went wrong and plan how to continue.

Am i free from lust? No. I am still tied to it. But with help from above the rope is getting thiner with every fiber getting cut from it. It might never completely disappear, but well, im here to work, aint i?

Huge credit to HHM for reviewing and spell-checking the post :]