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Starting the journey
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Starting the journey 5886 Views

Starting the journey 23 Feb 2009 12:04 #3183

  • snibril
3 days and clean.  The most I've managed till now was about 3 weeks, but I think even the first week's going to be a struggle this time.
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Re: Starting the journey 23 Feb 2009 12:27 #3186

  • the.guard
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A new warrior has joined the Almighty's Front-Line Army!

Dear Jew,

Just last week, "Ano-nymous" and "Be-Holy" hit 90 days of sobriety on this board in the forum. You can do it too.

There are two secrets to breaking free. Never forget them. Write them into your heart.
1) Never accept it. Always keep trying. Never give up. Believe that with enough work and the right tools, you can break free.
2) Never let a fall get you down. That is the trick of the yetzer hara and just leads to further falls.

In a sense, it seems that these two principles conflict with each other. Because if you never accept it and believe you can stop - so how do you not get down when falling? But we have to reconcile ourselves to this seeming conflict if we want to make progress. Every little bit we do in this struggle is reason to rejoice!

Shmiras Habris is known in the Zohar as "Yesod". It is the foundation, the part that is underground, that no one sees. It is the real YOU. And if the foundation is weak, indeed the whole building is weak. That is why it is so important that you get control on this before the cracks in the foundation cause the building itself to start to crumble.

The bottom line is, it is essentially a sexual addiction, and as such, it needs to be dealt with in the right way. There are tried and proven methods for dealing with this addiction. The home-page of our website has a whole list of the tools on our network. Grab a hold of them and don't let go. Here are my initial suggestions.

1) A strong filter is a must. Having it all within hands reach will make it almost impossible to start healing. See our filter section for all the options and info.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail list, if you haven't yet. You will learn approaches and tips every day!

3) Join Elya's FREE weekly phone groups on Sunday 3/4 PM. (Ask me for the number and PIN). It's fully anonymous, no one knows you are even listening in. It is run through a phone-conference company. You need group support, you need to hear others who are going through the same thing, even worse off than you - and yet making wonderful progress.

4) Read the stories of recovery on our site. You are not alone. People much worse off than you have done great feats of Teshuvah.

5) See a sex-addiction therapist. There are religious ones, but it doesn't have to be. See this page for a list. If you can't afford it, join the Tuesday night conference call for only $10 a session, with a frum sex-addiction therapist on the line. A sex-addiction therapist can help you work out the underlying issues that keep bringing you back to this.

We are here for you dear Jew. Grab on to this website and forum, and don't let go. It's your ETERNITY we are talking about here. Write on the forum when you feel weak, you will get a lot of answers and chizuk!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Starting the journey 23 Feb 2009 14:23 #3188

  • Mevakesh Hashem
Baruch Haba!!!!

Every new member that joins this forum, is another lethal blow to our enemy #1: The Yetzer Hara!

Snibril. it will not be easy, but the reward is unfathomable!

Stay strong. We are here to support you every step of the way!

Chazak V'Ematz!
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Re: Starting the journey 23 Feb 2009 14:41 #3190

  • jack
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dear snibril - listen to mevakesh when he says the rewards are unfathomable - he has saved me on many occasions near my beginning.i listened to him and was saved.he just knows how to say things in a way that made me want to listen.
Last Edit: by volvie.

Re: Starting the journey 23 Feb 2009 17:28 #3206

  • the.guard
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Snibril, take inspiration from Jack's Log to 90 days over here. He bit the bullet and jumped in for the 90-day journey. And in the process, he took us all for an inspiring ride of self-sacrifice and brutal self-honesty, as he faced down this malicious enemy with breath-taking endurance and valiance of spirit.

How's that jack? I should be a poet :-)
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by Machshovo Tova.

Re: Starting the journey 23 Feb 2009 18:25 #3210

  • jack
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where did you learn to speak in such flowery language?
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Re: Starting the journey 23 Feb 2009 19:29 #3211

  • the.guard
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Some people have a way with words and some just no have way. ;D
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Starting the journey 23 Feb 2009 20:02 #3216

  • Ykv_schwartz
Good luck snibril.  We are all cheering you on.  Please post your progress and questions.  We are all here to help you and get inspired my you.
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Re: Starting the journey 24 Feb 2009 08:31 #3226

  • snibril
4 days clean.  Last night was my first real challenge, but I managed to overcome it.

Fortunately I don't have any opportunity to browse for shmutz in my office, so my hardest times are evenings and especially weekends.  Even though my evenings are usually busy, I'll often end up staying up till late just browsing and being M''Z, which is not only bad for my neshamah but also for my guf - I feel ill the next morning when I have to get up early.  Despite this, it's difficult to hold back some nights. 
Last Edit: by .

Re: Starting the journey 24 Feb 2009 21:45 #3243

  • Ykv_schwartz
kol hakavod for overcoming your temptations.  It feels good when you have self control. 
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Re: Starting the journey 25 Feb 2009 13:58 #3266

  • snibril
5 days clean.
Looking forward to celebrating my first week please God.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Starting the journey 25 Feb 2009 17:13 #3288

  • snibril
Realised something quite powerful just now - I was feeling weak so I started saying Shir Hama'alot Mima'amakim to myself (Tehillim 131).  Of course, we say this all the time when we need a yeshuah, but it only struck me this time how apt it is to my situation.  I really am calling from the 'ma'amakim', imploring Hashem to hear my cry. 

Ki im'cha has'licha, l'ma'an tivarei - For with You is forgiveness, so that You might be feared.

V'hu yifdeh es Yisrael mikol avonotav - And He redeems Israel from all its sins.

It definitely helped me open myself up to Hashem, and to realise that I have to put all my hope in Him.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Starting the journey 25 Feb 2009 17:30 #3289

  • battleworn
Hello snibril, welcome home! This is the place to be! Your last post is a very important step. The most important thing is to realize that you desperately need to brake free and that Hashem is the address. So you're really heading in the right direction!
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Re: Starting the journey 25 Feb 2009 22:20 #3312

  • snibril
I'm finding a couple of things difficult at the moment.  The first is that my emunah is not particularly strong these days, which makes it hard for me to trust that all the pain that I'm going through is necessary, and that Hashem is there to hear my tefillot and help me overcome my y''h.  I know I should be stronger in my belief, but sometimes I feel like I'm on my own, there's no consequences, so who cares?

The second point is almost exactly the opposite.  I've been on the dating scene for a while now, and I don't know how to deal with my addiction when I'm supposed to be committing myself to someone.  I don't want to enter married life with this huge burden of sin, so I feel like I should hold off dating until I've conquered my inclinations - but then, will I ever get married?   
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Re: Starting the journey 25 Feb 2009 23:36 #3315

  • the.guard
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If it bothers you that you don't have enough emunah, then it means you have enough emunah!!

As far as dating, we generally suggest to people to date AND work on this at the same time.

Rabbi Twerski feels that if a person has such an addiction, he must let his future wife know before marriage. I am not sure though if this is only if he didn't fully break free or even if he did. But we'll be easy on you and say that if you fully break free before marriage, you can keep it a secret :-)


Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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