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The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 51947 Views

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 14 Mar 2017 15:00 #308147

  • cordnoy
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II don't care much about core.

Change from within.

B'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 14 Mar 2017 15:00 #308148

  • Singularity
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RaabosMachshovos wrote on 10 Mar 2017 12:55:
When you're in the sewer you can't smell the stench! 
I loved that phrase... the mashal is a guy is passing a waste management worker sitting over an open septic tank eating his lunch!! Hayitochain?? so putrid how in the world can he eat food here I can barely stop myself from puking from this stench... 
the answer is... the worker cant even smell it!!

I find this to be so true for me.... when it comes to goyish music[not the soft stuff ich.. more like rock etc..]..... come ellul I turn it off because i know its wrong ....though i dont FEEL its wrong... and inevitably sometime around chanuka i relapse... work has me stressed or i need to energize myself to go exercise and im flat...the first few times i feel terrible... the music feels foreign and tamai ....and I feel the effects... i know its damaging me... but give it a few days and weeks and i am convinced nothing is wrong ... what harm is it doing... i go back to not smelling the stench?!!

I dont think its a far stretch to say tayva is the same way... when were seeped in it... and especially in the velt we live in where the oilam is mamaesh not machshiv it as being wrong at all.... it is so hard... we are all in that sewer eating that tuna sandwhich..... how do we get out is the challenge ....but once we are there and we look at the tipshim sitting, feet dangling in the manhole cover, eating their lunch... our stomachs will once again cringe as the kedusha in us shines and rejects such tumah!!

Satisfying answer?? not at all.....because that doesnt feed the motivation ... "leave me alone ... fine im in a sewer but it doesnt bother me!!" 
but lemaysa dont you wanna be the guy on the outside of the sewer who can smell the stench??

It depends. Is the sewer on the Red Light District?
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 14 Mar 2017 15:13 #308151

  • GrowStrong
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Hakolhevel wrote on 14 Mar 2017 14:35:

GrowStrong wrote on 10 Mar 2017 13:26:


but (if) we are not actually ready to work - It won't work.



But such is the virtue of free will.



I think the answer (for me) lies in these two highlighted quotes.

How is that an answer as to WHY you want to change? You will only work properly if the reason is sound. Please see my Post above what didn't work (for me)

Please explain.

For me, the fact that i am acting against my own will is a very big motivator to change.
Such is the virtue of free will.
But i spent many many years acting out... And until i was ready to really make some changes, and start on the road of sobriety, acting against my own will was just an annoying chip on my shoulder.
Everyone's why is different, we all have different reasons.

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 15 Mar 2017 03:44 #308218

  • Hakolhevel
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cordnoy wrote on 14 Mar 2017 15:00:
II don't care much about core.

Change from within.

B'hatzlachah

Sorry it was Singularity that said
"True. You gotta want to change. But why? Porn is so much fun. And it feels good. What else is there? It's a hard question to answer. But such is the virtue of free will."

When I said core I was referring to this, why do I want to change. Yes change comes from within, but if my desire to change, coming from within me, is not coming from the greatest place it won't go anywhere. Or so I understand, please enlighten me.

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 15 Mar 2017 03:46 #308219

  • Hakolhevel
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GrowStrong wrote on 14 Mar 2017 15:13:

Hakolhevel wrote on 14 Mar 2017 14:35:

GrowStrong wrote on 10 Mar 2017 13:26:


but (if) we are not actually ready to work - It won't work.



But such is the virtue of free will.



I think the answer (for me) lies in these two highlighted quotes.

How is that an answer as to WHY you want to change? You will only work properly if the reason is sound. Please see my Post above what didn't work (for me)

Please explain.


For me, the fact that i am acting against my own will is a very big motivator to change.
Such is the virtue of free will.
But i spent many many years acting out... And until i was ready to really make some changes, and start on the road of sobriety, acting against my own will was just an annoying chip on my shoulder.
Everyone's why is different, we all have different reasons.

I see now. 

Are you saying that the why you wanted to change and being ready to change are 2 completely separate things? If yes what makes you ready to change? (Of course you can't really answer that for me)

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 15 Mar 2017 04:39 #308220

  • cordnoy
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Hakolhevel wrote on 15 Mar 2017 03:44:

cordnoy wrote on 14 Mar 2017 15:00:
II don't care much about core.

Change from within.

B'hatzlachah

Sorry it was Singularity that said
"True. You gotta want to change. But why? Porn is so much fun. And it feels good. What else is there? It's a hard question to answer. But such is the virtue of free will."

When I said core I was referring to this, why do I want to change. Yes change comes from within, but if my desire to change, coming from within me, is not coming from the greatest place it won't go anywhere. Or so I understand, please enlighten me.

My turn not to understand.

My suggestion still is: for today, do what's right and think little about itI.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 15 Mar 2017 07:24 #308226

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Hakolhevel wrote on 15 Mar 2017 03:44:

cordnoy wrote on 14 Mar 2017 15:00:
II don't care much about core.

Change from within.

B'hatzlachah

Sorry it was Singularity that said
"True. You gotta want to change. But why? Porn is so much fun. And it feels good. What else is there? It's a hard question to answer. But such is the virtue of free will."

When I said core I was referring to this, why do I want to change. Yes change comes from within, but if my desire to change, coming from within me, is not coming from the greatest place it won't go anywhere. Or so I understand, please enlighten me.

I don't know if every turnabout has to be this bold, all-encompassing approach. Could be as simple as "I know my own decisions keep landing me in a deep pit. I want to try give over my own decisions and submit to someone more experienced/learned in the program".
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 16 Mar 2017 03:06 #308332

  • Hakolhevel
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Singularity wrote on 15 Mar 2017 07:24:
I don't know if every turnabout has to be this bold, all-encompassing approach. Could be as simple as "I know my own decisions keep landing me in a deep pit. I want to try give over my own decisions and submit to someone more experienced/learned in the program".

So it all leads to the same place... Talk to someone real? 

I guess there really is no good answer to why I should want to change (In other words answering the question doesn't cut it). Although I was just thinking I was coming up with something 

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 16 Mar 2017 07:47 #308343

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Yeah. Once again, less investigation, more calmness is really what's needed.

As rav Twerski's book title aptly nails it:

"Seek Sobriety, Find Serenity"
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 16 Mar 2017 14:23 #308397

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Yeah but.....a therapist once told me that if I don't have a reason for wanting to change- if I'm changing because I think I should but not because I want to-then all the techniques in the world won't help me.

You know one of the reasons I wanted to change? Because I didn't want to be doing all the lusting anymore. It made me feel too bad and made everything more sad, depressing, and anxious. And I had worked too hard to really indulge and actually enjoy it so it was just torture- engage in something I wasn't going to engage in anyway. So I decided to stop torturing myself. It's a slow process. 

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 16 Mar 2017 14:46 #308406

  • cordnoy
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Workingguy wrote on 16 Mar 2017 14:23:
Yeah but.....a therapist once told me that if I don't have a reason for wanting to change- if I'm changing because I think I should but not because I want to-then all the techniques in the world won't help me.

You know one of the reasons I wanted to change? Because I didn't want to be doing all the lusting anymore. It made me feel too bad and made everything more sad, depressing, and anxious. And I had worked too hard to really indulge and actually enjoy it so it was just torture- engage in something I wasn't going to engage in anyway. So I decided to stop torturing myself. It's a slow process. 

Almost like death; I know.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 16 Mar 2017 14:49 #308407

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cordnoy wrote on 16 Mar 2017 14:46:

Workingguy wrote on 16 Mar 2017 14:23:
Yeah but.....a therapist once told me that if I don't have a reason for wanting to change- if I'm changing because I think I should but not because I want to-then all the techniques in the world won't help me.

You know one of the reasons I wanted to change? Because I didn't want to be doing all the lusting anymore. It made me feel too bad and made everything more sad, depressing, and anxious. And I had worked too hard to really indulge and actually enjoy it so it was just torture- engage in something I wasn't going to engage in anyway. So I decided to stop torturing myself. It's a slow process. 

Almost like death; I know.

During a good moment this week (it happens) I realized that if living = dying then dying = living.
Quotes that speak to me
What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy)
My Thread    My Other Thread

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 16 Mar 2017 21:43 #308438

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Oy if only the world would know the deep philosophy here.....big concepts like death....and life......and
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 16 Mar 2017 21:47 #308440

Workingguy wrote on 16 Mar 2017 21:43:
Oy if only the world would know the deep philosophy here.....big concepts like death....and life......and
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

thought you was gonna say
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h











very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 16 Mar 2017 22:10 #308443

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Hi y'all thank you for all your help Boruch Hashem almost 4 weeks nowwAnyway, can someone explain or link to some posts about surrendering my lust to Hashem and what it means. I've read bits and peices here and there...

TY!
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