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Journey of one day at a time
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Journey of one day at a time 96533 Views

Re: Journey of one day at a time 28 Jun 2018 09:57 #332769

  • mzl
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Thanks for taking the time to write this up. I think you are talking about motivation. I also think it's hard to say which of your behaviors really motivates you. You would be the best person to find that out with your own experiments though.

Re: Journey of one day at a time 11 Jul 2018 04:22 #333222

Alright, screw the 12 steps. 

You only need 2 IMHO.

1. Cultivate a rich social life.

2. Watch your addiction get a heck of a lot weaker (or dare I say it, disappear?).

Why does this work? I don't know really. It's like the video in Markz's signature says, the opposite of addiction is connection. 

I resisted this for a while. Why? I guess cause I wanted to find a solution that allowed me to be self-sufficient, one that would allow me to meet all my needs by myself.

I wanted to believe and know that if I was the only person left on earth, I would be alright, by myself. 

But seriously, I believe this actually. Get friends.

"But, Ihavestrength, I don't really know anyone!"

"That's ridiculous, everyone knows someone."

"But maybe they won't want to talk with me!" 

"There definitely will be people who won't want to talk to you. Find someone who will. This requires work!

Reach out to people and strengthen your network, get closer to people you already know, and try meeting new people." 

DISCLAIMER: Please take everything I'm writing with seven grains of salt. I write facetiously, but I only mean to express things that seem to be working for me. I'm not telling anyone what to do, cause frankly, this may be BS : ) So use at your own risk, and don't forget, always drink responsibly.
Last Edit: 11 Jul 2018 04:28 by Ihavestrength.

Re: Journey of one day at a time 11 Jul 2018 09:07 #333228

  • mzl
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Cool that you were able to whittle it down.

I bet watching (2) is as important as socializing (1), if I understood your post.

Re: Journey of one day at a time 01 Aug 2018 02:25 #334157

Doing alright thank G-d.

There is hope in this life. 

Take courage the saying goes, it's not something we are born with. 

Peace 

Re: Journey of one day at a time 04 Sep 2018 04:38 #335263

Setbacks in recovery don't make anyone feel good. When the next one happens, maybe remind yourself of this:

There are other people out there, feeling these same negative emotions, in this very moment.

Re: Journey of one day at a time 24 Oct 2018 01:58 #336624

Feeling like there is a lot of BS and pontificating on the forum recently. 

Re: Journey of one day at a time 20 Nov 2018 12:33 #337366

Ihavestrength wrote on 24 Oct 2017 00:43:

Another thing I'm struggling with right now:

When I'm under an attack of lust, I don't want to overcome the urge anymore. I want it to go away. I want it to go away desperately, but I'm not willing to endure the discomfort anymore. I am starting to feel: is all of this really worth it?

I don't need an inspiring talk, I don't need to hear an uplifting song, or give myself a pep talk. These won't work anyhow. 

Truly, im ain ani li mi li. You can call someone for help, but if you don't believe there is a greater benefit to abstaining from lust than retaining it, you will not stand. If you can't get it clear that regardless of anything, there is no way in f*ck*** hell that it can be a positive thing for me to look at some picture on a tiny screen of some skin, then you don't stand a chance and no one can help you. Pick yourself on the f*cki** ground and stop whining.

You want to feel holy? You want to feel strong? You don't want to deal with these temptations, which leave you wondering "why not try it" even after you walk away?

It ain't gonna happen. Success doesn't come to those who are picky. Success doesn't come to those who think, ah, I've blown it already and then use insane rationalizations to act out or lust. Success comes to those who will take an ounce of success whenever it is offered, regardless of what happened a minute before. 

Know this: any rationalization which ends in "you should engage in an act of lust" is self-sabotaging and pure unadulterated bullshi* 

I think my head is quite screwed up at the moment. I'm not thinking straight and I don't know what course of action I should take. Every rationalization that exists to just look at a few pictures is inside of me and running through my mind. 

It's funny. Life is so crazy. I'm so small. One in 7 billion. I live in my tiny head. I can't force myself to become bigger all of a sudden. There are so many forces more powerful than I. This doesn't mean that I don't have any power though. I don't know what the correct path for me to take is. I was doing good for a time. That time has past. Perhaps I shall begin again.

Talking to myself... 

This is a repost. Came across this today and it helped me, perhaps it will help someone else.

Re: Journey of one day at a time 20 Nov 2018 14:15 #337368

Sometimes we need extra chizuk and some time out to get a clearer mind and maybe connect with someone. Next, we need to know when it's time to move on with our day.

Re: Journey of one day at a time 30 Nov 2018 20:45 #337630

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Without you giving specific examples, that’s a pretty broadly negative comment with nothing constructive that can come from it.

What point were you trying to make? 

Re: Journey of one day at a time 22 Feb 2019 22:13 #339183

Workingguy wrote on 30 Nov 2018 20:45:
Without you giving specific examples, that’s a pretty broadly negative comment with nothing constructive that can come from it.

What point were you trying to make? 

I guess I didn't like that people were overloading the forum with really long posts that were either really long and complicated/made no sense, or really spammy. I felt that there was such a high volume of those posts that they were actually defining the atmosphere on the forum (for what defines the atmosphere of a forum other than the posts within it?). 

Just one man's opinion though. Things are looking a lot better since I've been here last. 

P.S. Sorry for the late response lol. 

Re: Journey of one day at a time 26 Mar 2019 03:11 #339988

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Ihavestrength wrote on 27 Sep 2017 03:57:
Day 69: I think I can now retire from GYE, Dov posted on my thread! Yay!  

I think sometimes stress is good. Not stress exactly, but feeling a certain pressure to perform, to figure something out, when people are relying on you. This can be at work, home etc. Basically, doing things that make a difference if they're done right or not. Like trying to solve an issue for a client that is time sensitive. 

It makes life exciting. Some of us feel like our life isn't exciting or stimulating enough so we go to porn or other things. If we are doing things that matter, which create some sort of quasi adrenaline feel, life becomes cooler. You feel a little vitality. This is why some people BASE jump or do other similar things. 

I'm sorry I can't explain this better... 

Not suggesting this as a way to recover. Just saying that not all stress is bad. Certain types are for sure. But a life where you are taking deep breaths at every moment, and feeling a constant calm can get real dull, really quickly. 

I'll take the calmness any day of the week - over the stress; certainly the wife's stress. I don't know how i find all these posts that speak right to me and my situation, and to several others on the email thread.
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: Journey of one day at a time 29 Mar 2019 22:22 #340195

Trouble wrote on 26 Mar 2019 03:11:

Ihavestrength wrote on 27 Sep 2017 03:57:
Day 69: I think I can now retire from GYE, Dov posted on my thread! Yay!  

I think sometimes stress is good. Not stress exactly, but feeling a certain pressure to perform, to figure something out, when people are relying on you. This can be at work, home etc. Basically, doing things that make a difference if they're done right or not. Like trying to solve an issue for a client that is time sensitive. 

It makes life exciting. Some of us feel like our life isn't exciting or stimulating enough so we go to porn or other things. If we are doing things that matter, which create some sort of quasi adrenaline feel, life becomes cooler. You feel a little vitality. This is why some people BASE jump or do other similar things. 

I'm sorry I can't explain this better... 

Not suggesting this as a way to recover. Just saying that not all stress is bad. Certain types are for sure. But a life where you are taking deep breaths at every moment, and feeling a constant calm can get real dull, really quickly. 

I'll take the calmness any day of the week - over the stress; certainly the wife's stress. I don't know how i find all these posts that speak right to me and my situation, and to several others on the email thread.

Ha! I actually don't really believe this anymore I also try to do everything I can to be in the calm zone vs the stress space. 

I think what I was TRYING to say, but didn't quite understand at the time, was that it's important to feel NEEDED and useful, even though hypothetically things would be calmer if I would have no responsibilities and would be left alone. 

I'm not sure if you were saying that posts on this thread speak to you or not, but if you were, that's awesome and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside  

Good Shabbos Peeps!

Re: Journey of one day at a time 05 May 2019 07:01 #340929

Early morning reflections...

It's been a while since I first got on this site. I first started posting on the forums in Feb 2017, so a bit more than 2 years. I guess I can say that this site helped me. When I first got on I was only able to go a bit more than a month without masturbating or looking at porn. Now, I've been able to collect some impressive streaks. Over a year without masturbating, 9 months without porn, multiple streaks of over 4 months without slipping at all. Now at close to seven months without masturbating. These things don't seem that valuable to me now, but I suppose to my younger self of two years, these feats would have seemed impossible. I suppose a GYE thank you is in order, so I say thank you.

Why am I writing now? Why, in the wee hours of the morning? Well, I slipped. I went on youtube and watched some asmr videos. They aren't supposed to be sexual really, but most of them feature women, some who aren't dressed modestly, and something in me hoped these videos would give me relief. I also touched myself in a sexual manner (without masturbating). I'm having a hard time sleeping. I'm having a rough time in general. 

There are things I've explored besides GYE on my road to freedom. I found a recovery buddy who I spoke with on the phone and met up with in person. We became good friends, and he was a great help to me. I did the first 5 steps or so with him acting as my unofficial sponsor. Later, I went to some SA meetings. I didn't really connect with them. I liked the fellowship it provided but not the philosophy underlies the program. I sought therapy from a psychologist, and went for a few months until I could no longer afford it. Mindfulness meditation was a big help as well. 

Addiction...
Who even knows what that is? I used to think that's what I was; an addict. I related to every anecdotal description of addiction by other alleged sex addicts, and frankly, how else could I explain the actions of a nice jewish boy such as myself, unless I was somehow "out of control"? 

One can pathologize everything if one is determined. Food, phones etc. If all one has is a hammer, than everything looks like a nail. I did some reading. Turns out the evidence for sex addiction is abysmal. Turns out that even if people have mental, or environmental factors which affect their sexuality, it may be more helpful to focus on those causes rather than labeling them as having a disease, 

So, I went from someone who is diseased to someone who started recognizing that most objections and even negative feelings I have towards acting out or viewing porn comes from my beliefs and morals, and the resulting conflict between those beliefs and my actions. 

I don't know what the point is here really lol. I'm not really trying to make, just needed to get some of this stuff off my mind. Thanks for listening.  

Re: Journey of one day at a time 06 May 2019 12:34 #340951

  • ColinColin
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Your post is a very useful warning.
This "ASMR" craze is very current.
I have not seen one of these videos but have read about them.
I will avoid them.

Well done for not masturbating...your were tested, went very close to falling, you slipped, but showed immense strength not to fall, and in my opinion you passed the test and the good that resulted was a warning to others.

Re: Journey of one day at a time 06 May 2019 19:36 #340958

ColinColin wrote on 06 May 2019 12:34:
Your post is a very useful warning.
This "ASMR" craze is very current.
I have not seen one of these videos but have read about them.
I will avoid them.

Well done for not masturbating...your were tested, went very close to falling, you slipped, but showed immense strength not to fall, and in my opinion you passed the test and the good that resulted was a warning to others.

Thanks man, I appreciate that. 
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