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Journey of one day at a time
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Journey of one day at a time 132118 Views

Re: Journey of one day at a time 28 Feb 2017 20:18 #307073

Shmiras einayim helps to minimize triggers.

In today's world especially if you use technology etc. you will probably come across some things even if you're careful. 

When you make the conscious decision not to willingly look at these things, to be a bit more discerning as to what you watch, it sends a message to yourself that this "stuff" ain't for me. 

Conversely, if you allow yourself to look anywhere, watch anything, but just say you won't masturbate or watch porn you send a conflicting message to yourself. 

Trying to be clean is basically saying I want to live a better life, a more moral life, a life with purer thoughts and aims. It's not about having your head in the gutter, but refraining from actually drinking the murky water that's dripping from the pipe. 

If you want to have a mind full of good thoughts, a life where you're occupied with things of worth, then how can you allow yourself to view things which naturally arouse lust and temptation within you, everything you're trying to avoid?

WOW...awesome post, IH!!!
I wrote something similar to Laasos, but your post is WAY more clear and amazing.

Re: Journey of one day at a time 28 Feb 2017 21:42 #307084

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Ihavenostrength wrote on 28 Feb 2017 20:00:
Day 18: @GS this sentence is for you: I'm doing good, pretty, pretty, pretty, good. 

Shmiras einayim is pretty cool. Firstly it helps to minimize triggers.

Thing is, in today's world especially if you use technology etc. you will probably come across some things even if you're careful. 

Here comes into play the second reason why I think shmiras einayim is cool. When you are making an effort to guard your eyes, even if it's just not watching a music video which you see has a woman (immodestly dressed) in it, it's a game changer. 

When you make these conscious decisions not to willingly look at these things, to be a bit more discerning as to what you watch, it sends a message to yourself that this "stuff" ain't for me. 

Conversely, if you allow yourself to look anywhere, watch anything, but just say you won't masturbate or watch porn you send a conflicting message to yourself. 

Trying to be clean is basically saying I want to live a better life, a more moral life, a life with purer thoughts and aims. It's not about having your head in the gutter, but refraining from actually drinking the murky water that's dripping from the pipe. 

If you want to have a mind full of good thoughts, a life where you're occupied with things of worth, then how can you allow yourself to view things which naturally arouse lust and temptation within you, everything you're trying to avoid? 

Super post! For someone who calls himself "ihavenostrength", boy do you have strength. Wow!
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Re: Journey of one day at a time 28 Feb 2017 22:05 #307087

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Brother that was an awesome post.
Shmiras einayim is the core of the foundation in my estimation.
You really encapsulated the psychology of giving conflicting messages to ourselves.
I think this post is a eureka moment for you, and the most amazing thing about real Shmiras einayim is that this is just the beginning.
Little moments of self knowledge and self worth. Little wins of your will to do the right thing and the mere fact that you are able to follow that will (ratzon) which remained so elusive for so many years makes that little win so much more powerful.
But here is the real kicker,
Because its constantly decisions being made, and the hard work is making the right decision each time, it actually starts to have a positive effect on other decisions you make in life.
Most importantly, decision making is everything in the zero sum game of step zero.

Re: Journey of one day at a time 01 Mar 2017 07:35 #307131

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Ihavenostrength wrote on 28 Feb 2017 20:00:
Day 18: @GS this sentence is for you: I'm doing good, pretty, pretty, pretty, good. 

Shmiras einayim is pretty cool. Firstly it helps to minimize triggers.

Thing is, in today's world especially if you use technology etc. you will probably come across some things even if you're careful. 

Here comes into play the second reason why I think shmiras einayim is cool. When you are making an effort to guard your eyes, even if it's just not watching a music video which you see has a woman (immodestly dressed) in it, it's a game changer. 

When you make these conscious decisions not to willingly look at these things, to be a bit more discerning as to what you watch, it sends a message to yourself that this "stuff" ain't for me. 

Conversely, if you allow yourself to look anywhere, watch anything, but just say you won't masturbate or watch porn you send a conflicting message to yourself. 

Trying to be clean is basically saying I want to live a better life, a more moral life, a life with purer thoughts and aims. It's not about having your head in the gutter, but refraining from actually drinking the murky water that's dripping from the pipe. 

If you want to have a mind full of good thoughts, a life where you're occupied with things of worth, then how can you allow yourself to view things which naturally arouse lust and temptation within you, everything you're trying to avoid? 

I heard a shiur on torahanytime about shmiraseynayim. He likened it to an eagle who swoops down to feed in one of those big green Israeli rubbish crates. He hops lower and lower, ah, a raven sees him, he shoots back up, yuch, what's an eagle doing here? But when nobody's around, he hops down again.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: Journey of one day at a time 01 Mar 2017 19:01 #307166

Day 19: The self-interested case for shmiras einayim: Seeing certain things can make one feel so uncomfortable. Hanging around a bakery is going to make someone on a diet feel uncomfortable even if they know there is no way they are going to eat that cheesecake sitting on the shelf.

I've discovered the secret of life and I'd like to share it with you. Ok, maybe not the secret, but I think it's a neat little life-hack. 

I get annoyed sometimes. Sometimes it's over legitimate concerns other times it's over something completely illogical. For example, I have a roommate who just annoys me by his being around. He didn't do anything to me and he's not a bad guy. When he's around I just get this primitive- like feeling of aggression. (Maybe it comes from wanting my own space, perhaps he makes me feel self-conscious.)

For a while, I was upset at myself for having these feelings. After all, what type of guy doesn't like someone for no reason at all? Then, I changed my approach.

I decided that his presence was not going to annoy me anymore. So when I would start to get these feelings, I'd just tell myself, I'm not going to be bothered/annoyed by this. Crazily, this actually works. 

I think the reason it does is that we have ideas in our minds of what annoys us, what we can't stand, perhaps a certain noise, like people talking, or a smell or whatever. But most of these things probably aren't that bad, so can just decide ok, this ain't gonna bother me. 

BTW does anyone have a link/source for the study about how it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the brain? 
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: Journey of one day at a time 01 Mar 2017 19:44 #307171

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Ihavenostrength wrote on 01 Mar 2017 19:01:
Day 19: The self-interested case for shmiras einayim: Seeing certain things can make one feel so uncomfortable. Hanging around a bakery is going to make someone on a diet feel uncomfortable even if they know there is no way they are going to eat that cheesecake sitting on the shelf.

I've discovered the secret of life and I'd like to share it with you. Ok, maybe not the secret, but I think it's a neat little life-hack. 

I get annoyed sometimes. Sometimes it's over legitimate concerns other times it's over something completely illogical. For example, I have a roommate who just annoys me by his being around. He didn't do anything to me and he's not a bad guy. When he's around I just get this primitive- like feeling of aggression. (Maybe it comes from wanting my own space, perhaps he makes me feel self-conscious.)

For a while, I was upset at myself for having these feelings. After all, what type of guy doesn't like someone for no reason at all? Then, I changed my approach.

I decided that his presence was not going to annoy me anymore. So when I would start to get these feelings, I'd just tell myself, I'm not going to be bothered/annoyed by this. Crazily, this actually works. 

I think the reason it does is that we have ideas in our minds of what annoys us, what we can't stand, perhaps a certain noise, like people talking, or a smell or whatever. But most of these things probably aren't that bad, so can just decide ok, this ain't gonna bother me. 

BTW does anyone have a link/source for the study about how it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the brain? 

Good thinkin'.

Sometimes we may ask ourselves: why does he annoy us? What have we contributed to this situation? Is there somethin' we can do to rectify itI? If it so happens that it's all because of him, then we ask: what is wrong with us that we allow him to get under our skin? Then, we go from there.

Does that make sense?

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Re: Journey of one day at a time 01 Mar 2017 21:37 #307187

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book recommendation:
you can be HAPPY no matter what
by Richard Carlson

Re: Journey of one day at a time 02 Mar 2017 20:38 #307278

Day 20: Made a sort of "demo" daily schedule. I've made lots of schedules before but this one was different. Usually I'd break out the latest schedule with a "time to stop slacking off" attitude, "you better do this or else" type of mindset. This schedule was different. It was suggested but completely optional. 

I basically told myself "I think it would be a pretty good idea to follow this, but it's up to you". It actually helped me do what I needed to with a lot less stress involved. 

This technique, to sort of be compassionate with yourself, rather than like a "taskmaster," is from a book I'm currently reading called the "Willpower Instinct". It's all about how to increase your willpower and resist temptation. Lots of great ideas in there, obviously easier to read than to apply. 

Tangentially, I'm trying to make reading my go to entertainment. Ain't that easy though. 
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"
Last Edit: 02 Mar 2017 20:44 by Ihavestrength. Reason: By mistake pressed submit button before I was finished

Re: Journey of one day at a time 03 Mar 2017 01:25 #307301

I know this forum isn't a confessional booth... But I think it's good for me to be honest. I had a "slip" just now. I was on tiyuvta.com looking for an answer to a legitimate question and on the home page there was a feed of different questions. One question caught my eye it was about "what was an embarrassing thing that happened to you". I read the answer through even when I got a a sense it was an inapropriate story.
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"
Last Edit: 03 Mar 2017 02:13 by cordnoy.

Re: Journey of one day at a time 03 Mar 2017 03:04 #307308

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We are all human and being honest helps us deal with life and all its challenges properly. Wise to post.    When we climb a mountain, there are ditches and downhills along the way. We just have to focus on the goal of heading up. If we slip, we get up, shake off the dust, and forward march.  Continued hatzlocha.
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Re: Journey of one day at a time 03 Mar 2017 08:57 #307346

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Ihavenostrength wrote on 02 Mar 2017 20:38:
Day 20: Made a sort of "demo" daily schedule. I've made lots of schedules before but this one was different. Usually I'd break out the latest schedule with a "time to stop slacking off" attitude, "you better do this or else" type of mindset. This schedule was different. It was suggested but completely optional. 

I basically told myself "I think it would be a pretty good idea to follow this, but it's up to you". It actually helped me do what I needed to with a lot less stress involved. 

This technique, to sort of be compassionate with yourself, rather than like a "taskmaster," is from a book I'm currently reading called the "Willpower Instinct". It's all about how to increase your willpower and resist temptation. Lots of great ideas in there, obviously easier to read than to apply. 

Tangentially, I'm trying to make reading my go to entertainment. Ain't that easy though. 

I think this would really help me. Thank you.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: Journey of one day at a time 03 Mar 2017 19:46 #307396

@singularity You're very welcome. Great book BTW (just finished it). It's by Kelly Mcgonigal, "The Willpower Instinct". 

Day 21: Starting reading "You Can Be Happy No Matter What" by Richard Carlson. Shout out to Shteeble for the recommendation. Finished the first chapter and I think my life has just changed forever. No joke. 

Good shabbos!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who has posted. I read and reread them. 
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: Journey of one day at a time 05 Mar 2017 01:25 #307415

Day 22: Shabbos was ok B"H. Spent a lot of time hanging out with friends. Trying to keep in mind something I read (in "how to be happy no matter what") about how "thoughts are an ability not reality." Trying not to be afraid. There's a voice in my head telling me I'm going to fall, that I can't do it. Trying to remember it's just thoughts. Doesn't mean it's true.

There's "nothing to fear but fear itself." I think that's my favorite quote of all time.
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: Journey of one day at a time 05 Mar 2017 05:46 #307426

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just remember that little voice in your head is a big fat liar!
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Re: Journey of one day at a time 05 Mar 2017 05:54 #307427

The biggest  
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"
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