My current battle is a bit different, maybe...ok, no maybe about it - on a lower level than a lot of other people here. Whether or not there's a high level of addiction level present, I've been involved in unhealthy, non-halachically correct relationships. I have set myself certain goals to help avoid this, and with Hashem's help, I've been succeeding.

I'm still trying to figure out everything about this site, and how to fully utilize it in my battles.

Originally, I had planned on using the wall of honor to keep track of my progress in my personal battle. Now, however, I read the rules for the WOH, and realized that although I'm succeeding, my victories aren't those being celebrated on the wall of honor, and according to the rules, I'm falling constantly.

Any suggestions?

Silentbattle,

You have already taken the first important step... speaking up!

Welcome to the forum.

Have you seen the GUE handbooks yet?  That's probably a good place to start.

Good luck with your battle.

--Eye.

Welcome. Het silentbattle we can always use a new friend around here. New people new thoughts new chizuk. Anyways i was thinking forget the woh. Post here on your thread about your victorys and how many days in you are on your own private 90 day challenge. Doesnt have to be officaialyy on a board but well celebrate with you just the same. Keep on shteiging. As long as we are growing it doesnt matter how Hashem loves us for that. hang around here , there are lots of kool people around that can help you with all your questions. Chazack ve'ematz!!!

Dear silentbattle,

I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

There's a guy on this forum named "Uri" who used to struggle with the level you're struggling with now, and he made himself a "red-line" - no live relationships. And he's been over 90 days clean from that, although he still falls in other ways from time to time. But that is getting less also. He is getting therapy through a very good sex-addiction therapist, who you might want to meet (if you're in Israel). You can read through over 80 pages of Uri's posts here. See this recent post of his here. To get in touch with this therapist, see here.

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

Reb Silent,
My name is Uri.
We're coming from the same place my friend.
And know that the addiction to porn,masturbation,or sex are all very much from the same place.
A need for love.A need for security.
But sadly,these things will never give us either one.In fact,the one relationship that I thought would finally grant me security is now my biggest source of insecurity.
The key is to find security within one's self.
This site can do great things for you.
It's a place of trust.
We all know exactly what you're feeling and where u are coming from cause we're there or have been there ourselves.
Stick with us,buddy,and we'll lift you up back into life

A little background about myself:
Grew up in a very modern home.Was out with girls alot.Lost my virginity at age 15.
Had sex on a very constant basis.
At age 17,I started to become very religious at a rapid pace.
Soon I found myself in maybe the most prestigious American yeshiva in Israel.
Things were going steady for a while.
But sooner than I knew,I was back in bed.And it returned to the way it was when I was not religious.
I mean here I am one of the yeshiva's masmids,the apple of my Rebbe's eye,my neighborhood's success story,the person my siblings looked up to,in bed with a strange girl!
I had lost control of myself.
I contemplated suicide.
I stood on the roof of my yeshiva building and looked down.
But,as you can see,I did not kill myself.
In fact,my life is now better than it was even before I had sex.
The point is not just to stop having sex and masturbating and watching porn.
The point is to use this addiction to bring us to a whole new life.
This is something that's very hard to understand when you are in the heat of the addiction.
But you'll have to take my word (and countless others) on this.
There is a beautiful life awaiting you if only you change your whole approach to life.
It might take a bit and it's worth it.
So this is the answer to your great question.
You don't want to be rid of your addiction because right now life outside the addiction is blah!
You're thinking "okay.so i wont be having sex.but ill be miserable as hell."
There is another option.
I'm telling you:it exists!
I strongly suggest an addiction therapist/12-step groups.
You need to undergo a serious change for this to work.
It's the only way.

All the best
-uri

Wow...Thank you. Everyone. Eye, Imtrying, Guard, and Uri. Reb Uri, you in particular, for sharing your story. i grew up frum, and started having this issue relatively recently. Lucky for me, my rebbe from my yeshiva in eretz yisroel found out, and encouraged me to get help.

To be honest, I'm still a little overwhelmed by all the different options on this website. My first step was to sign up for the daily chizuk emails, so that every day, I get two emails from GYE. It's a reminder in my inbox of what my goals are.

I've also started going to a therapist that specializes in addiction. What I realized since my last post is that there's no reason, in the meantime, why I shouldn't try for the full-fledged WOH commitment. Because that's definitely a good thing, if I can do it. So we'll see how it goes.

I'm not sure if I'd be able to find a place where I could get privacy for one of the phone conference calls (I'm living in my parent's house), and I'm also not particularly interested in hiding a copy of the big book - I want to be hiding less in my life right now.

I do plan on checking out the two handbooks over the next few days, either printing them out, or putting a copy on my private computer.

Thank you!

wow silentnight, love the name! why did you choose it? i mean i could post you 6 pages on the meaning of this name lol

Great news about the addiction therapist. That's a great way to go.




That's great! You see, as long as we are feeding our "lust" addiction, it won't help that much to stop one behavior or another. We need to let go of "lust" and start to change our attitude completely.

Keep on the path you have begun. I sense great things from you!  :D

Thank you, Reb Guard. I truly appreciate the support, I don't have many other sources.

I also wanted to say a special thank you To Reb Uri - I read your other post in the daily chizuk email, about your father attempting to rip you apart - and you not giving in. Growing even without the support of your parents, and with the added pressure from the pain you were receiving.

And I kept that in mind when my own life at home hit some pressure, and it gave me the inspiration I needed to not even think about looking for outside sources of relaxation.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Reb Levite - Actually, my username is Silentbattle, not silent night. I chose it because...well a few reasons, I suppose. For one, These are battles that for all of us, on some level or another, are fought quietly. There is no public honor. The plaques on the wall that declare our victories are in heaven.

And for me in particular, I feel like my social network overall is rather limited, let alone people who actually know about this struggle. And often I feel like I'm fighting alone...and maybe I need to remember that Hashem is with me, like a silent partner.

I'd still be interested in hearing your thoughts, though!

And so far, so good - I'm still clean, and it's easier than I thought it would be. I'm reading the forums a bit more, trying to focus on my ruchniyos in general...

YOU ARE SOMEBODY SPECIAL!!!

Hey, ano, where r u?

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

You mean, since on every other thread, Ano's plu for the new poll comes after Momo's pep talk?

KUTGW!!!!  How is your progress going?

Dear Silent, i didn't find your updated thread, so i'd like to write something for you here in order to show you, you caused me laugh.  :D

a few hours ago,i waited to the elevator want to go down to the ground floor.
suddenly i saw the women (ive spoken to you about her a lot) against my eyes, she waited with me to the elevator.

a few seconds later, i imaged you and HABA next to me guarding my eyes,
i got in the elevator with my head down and a big smile on my face. such as that : ;D ;D ;D

i didn't take the second look!

thanks GEVER!!!