Please God you will be matzliach.  May Hashem bless you.

Another clean day. Sunday could have been A LOT worse...as I wrote yesterday.
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I wrote out a summary of another one of R. Shafier's shiurim, The Fight.
I did it on paper, which was easier for me.
I think I will put in on the computer some day soon...just not today.
Perhaps, they will inspire and help other people.
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Again, no exercise...and some streaming videos...just being honest.
But way more Torah. 
And I intend to go to bed a lot earlier.
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I tried giving the password control to my wife, but that DIDN'T work.
She's not my mashgiach. She and I just fought when I asked her to put the computer on
for something or another. Not good.
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Speaking of my relationship, my wife initiated a THIRD date with me...so I'm doing something right!

Good for you!

Keep up the good work!

You're an inspiration for me and I'm sure other's as well.

Thank you SO much for writing.
But, I want to know how so?
You are clean almost a year and a half!
I've never been able YET to accomplish that!

I get chizuk from your being honest and open. I respect how you hold on to your beliefs and what you think is right (regardless of whether I agree with your views or not). 

Yes I have been clean for over a year but it's always helpful for me to read those who are heading out on the journey. This acts as a reminder to me, to keep focus and stay the course. The course is to stay honest with myself, my wife and Hashem. It also helps to not get caught in complacency in my avodas Hashem and recovery.

Before I got caught by my wife, the longest I had gone without masturbating was 3-4 months. And that itself was a rare occasion.

I would have never accomplished getting to where I am now w/o the help of Hashem, my wife, therapists, mentors and a one day at a time approach, (among other things).

Agav, I've been told by a number of people that I may not have had an addiction. However, I still view myself and approach things that I do with the mindset of a recovering addict. It seems to have brought the best out of me!

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 04 Dec 2016 21:09:

Sorry to butt in again, but would you mind clarifying. When you say 'streaming videos' do you mean of the pornographic variety or of the comedy / drama / murder mystery variety?

The latter.
I'm sorry if I wasn't clear.
When I mean porn, I may sometimes refer to it as "explicit videos".
Usually, though, I would say porn at least once in the post.
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I didn't even make it a full week with everything turned off...all streaming videos,
everything, only whitelisting a few sites. It is super-restrictive.
And while it is the healthiest for a ben Torah, and is my goal to get there, 
I think I have to start with limiting the times, so it doesn't interfere with stuff I want to get done.
And then, limit it some more, and then eliminate it!
But just "poof...it's gone...shut off....cold turkey" was too extreme for me to maintain.

"cordnoy" post=298633 date=1480275575 catid=1
Seize the Moment!
Rav Tzadok Ha-Kohen of Lublin makes a fascinating comment about chipazon, suggesting that in our religious lives, we need to identify a moment of enthusiasm and capitalize upon that moment, leveraging the inspiration to move ahead to religious action:



The beginning of a person’s entry to Divine Service must be be-chipazon, just as we find in Egypt, where the lamb was eaten in a rush, as opposed to the celebration of Pesach in subsequent years (Pesach Dorot). This is because the beginning necessitates that one break the ties of worldly desire by which one is entangled. Hence, one must preserve the moment in which one feels the impetus to serve God and to seize the moment – fast – and maybe one will see success. Later, one can move more moderately and steadily as inPesach Dorot. (Siman #1)



An example he provides is one who is entrenched in a burning desire to eat. Firstly, he must immediately stop from anything which is considered “extra,” even if he knows himself that he will not be able to continue in this way for a considerable length of time, and therefore he might be wanting in his resolution; nevertheless, he should be steadfast and hold firm to make this initial commitment.



For Rav Tzadok, chipazon represents a feeling of passion and enthusiasm, an inspired moment, a surge of momentum and desire. Like a first love, there is a sense of urgency, a rush of emotion, a heightened emotional state.



But why is it necessary? Whenever one wishes to change something in life, there is inertia. We are always bound by bonds of comfort and familiarity. These are the most threatening hindrances to change, growth, and development.  In life, one needs more energy to start than to continue.



How do we counter the negative forces that persuade us to resist change? The answer is chipazon, speed. Jump out of bed! “Just do it!” Chipazon is the flurry of starting; it is a force, an energy, a spirit of carpe diem. One must harness this enthusiasm to conquer inertia, habit, and laziness. Sometimes, if we fail to seize the initial momentum, we get stuck in the details, the bureaucracy, the logistics, and a wonderful idea evaporates and never happens.


He stresses several times and emphasizes that when a person finds himself entrenched in one of the desires found in this world, and it is one that he habitually performs over and over again, and he sees no practical way out of this; the moment he is inspired to take action to prevent this future behavior, he must immediately detach himself completely from any connection to this desire whatsoever, and only afterwards, when he is somewhat successful of distancing himself from these desires, then he should work slowly and patiently with a clear concrete plan and ease of mind.

Thank you. I know you wrote here about that R. Tzadok piece in post 298899 :
"Recently, I wrote on my tryin' thread from rav tzadok (and I just noticed that it was in today's gye email), and I think mr. YTH is upholding this concept very well".
(but I didn't know how to get to your thread to read it. In fact, I don't know how to get to unanuman's main thread either that he told me I may enjoy reading through. Please help me find both.)
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It felt awesome jumping in, getting rid of the entire internet, minus literally a few whitelisted sites.
I may go back to that, sooner than later.
It's just such a 1)long-standing 2)bad habit, 3)comforting/comfortable, 4)entertaining, 5)interesting, 6)relaxing 7)way to unwind and 8)spend some downtime, that 9)doesn't seem to really have a good substitute...and these NINE factors make it VERY hard for me to give up.
(Again, I'm talking streaming not porn.)
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BTW, as long as I'm writing now and it was on my mind:
Watson, you aren't butting in. I welcome people to post here...
(especially if it's about something I wrote

cordnoy wrote on 05 Dec 2016 23:13:

Cordnoy, how about a vaad in the seforim of Reb Tzadok?
It seems there are a lot of relevant teachings to be learned.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 06 Dec 2016 00:14:


YTH,

Looks like you're getting the hang of the site and doing good stuff. Keep it up!

fresh start wrote on 06 Dec 2016 00:28:

Ok; Thursday night at 10:30.
 available?

Mark and the devs are working on my thread.

Another day clean!
Thank you guys: FreshStart, Cordnoy, Watson, Workingguy...
Reading your posts AND falling backwards into streaming videos,
and staying up too late again, has got me thinking.

This streaming thing is a huge yetzer hara to destroy me and my life.
So, I'm cutting it out again! "Cold Turkey take 2".
It's bad all by itself, as both 1)a time waster, and 2)bad value promoter,
with 3)inappropriate themes and 4)actresses dressed inappropriately.
AND it's 5)a slippery slope that one can easily fall down into porn.
Let's face it.
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Thankfully, I had a nice filter in place that didn't let me go to where I typed.
And while it's true that I could have gone through the hassle and extra steps to 
allow the porn sites to show on my laptop, the NOT ALLOWED with the screen turning 
color was enough to stop my yetzer hara in its tracks and enough for me to regain control.
Also, I think it helps that my password I chose that I would theoretically have had to type in
has some variation of: "Don't do it, you stupid moron. You are a ben Torah and should
NOT be looking at porn!!" It's pretty difficult to type that in specifically with the intent of 
looking at porn. Some combination of all this wakes/woke up my yetzer tov.
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But, it's still a slippery slope, so I got rid of all streaming videos once again, "Cold Turkey take 2"
and got OFF the darn slope! 
I am not stupid. So why should I keep acting stupid? (accepting as given that I'm not addicted)
It is almost my birthday, and I think this may be my birthday gift to myself.
BTW, I know full well, that I will probably slip up and watch streaming videos at some point, which is why I'm calling it "Cold Turkey take 2". But the approach of taking proactive action
and getting rid off of all streaming videos is a good one.
And the slippery slope to porn is only the 5th of FIVE reasons to give it up for good.

Any suggestions for a good, positive replacement for it?
Remember, it's: 1)comforting/comfortable, 2)entertaining, 3)interesting, 4)relaxing 5) a way to unwind and 6)spend some downtime. So a replacement needs to be somewhat similar.

Listening to music, exercising daily (though it doesn't seem to be relaxing),
talking with my family/family time, and maybe listening to a parsha shiur
are my only thoughts right now, but I don't know if that's going to be enough to go against the
strong pull of an 1)endless supply of 2)free, 3) interesting, 4)entertaining streaming videos,
which is now a 5)long-standing, 6)bad habit...how I've been 7)comforting myself/escaping/relaxing/unwinding, and spending my downtime.

Help me succeed.

Great stuff.
I couldn't find replacements.
Porn was too enjoyable.
I needed to change my insides.

By the way, what are actresses dressed inappropriately? They always were dressed just the way I wanted.