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TOPIC: Just started!! 14885 Views

Re: Just started!! 29 Jul 2016 02:02 #292918

  • willandtonya
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Today was pretty much a normal easy day. Took my sons to Karate. Of course there always women there, seeing the men folk are at work, but it wasn't a struggle. I know that the challenging times are coming if I don't continue to guard myself against opening the "windows to my soul" to allow them to gaze on what is forbidden. I am finding that if I can do this, which is my trigger, I, with Hashem's assistance, will train myself to practice the laws of shmiras einayim as a habit and porn will no longer be my guest.

May Hashem's right hand uphold us in our battle, that we may rejoice over our enemy!!!

Re: Just started!! 31 Jul 2016 05:05 #292994

  • willandtonya
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Late update: Shabbat prevented me from posting yesterday, but, not much to report. Family time, prayer, and Torah teaching. Not a whole lot of opportunity for the yetzer hara to invade my mind. Tomorrow is a different day though because I have to go to Sams Club in J'ville (God willing), a military town in my area; and there are a lot of young and immodest (plus it's summer) women. May Hashem strengthen me to use this challenge to draw me closer to Himself.

Be strong friends, you can do it!!!!! Our Heavenly Father will never forsake those who are His.

Re: Just started!! 01 Aug 2016 03:03 #293043

  • willandtonya
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Wow!! Today was a major challenge. It was filled with spandex, yoga pants, daisy dukes and anything else you could imagine. Having my wife or kids with me made it easy, I had someone to talk to or focus on. Today, by myself. But, after much struggle and fight, I persevered. I was a constant bout of prayer and telling myself to trust Hashem for strength.

But when I got home it was even worse!! My wife and the kids went to her dads. I'm alone again. I admit, I turned on a show on HBO that I knew would have inappropriate and provocative material, but conviction was far stronger than lust when it came on, and I cut it off within a few seconds. I told my wife when she got home (I've chosen to prevent any surprises considering everything is already in the open) and she was proud of me. So, I call it a victory.

I knew this was coming, but baruch Hashem, I endured!!! 

Man it's a rough world out there for one to keep himself from lust. Just going to the wholesale store becomes a trigger, but, "this too is for good"!!!

Re: Just started!! 02 Aug 2016 01:51 #293102

  • willandtonya
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Today was a pretty normal day homeschool'n and such. Did have a little bout of temptation start to drag me along (I started to masturbate), but to no avail, the yetzer hatov prevailed. Baruch Hashem!!!!

For anyone reading this, keep fighting, for Hashem is fighting for you!!!

Re: Just started!! 03 Aug 2016 02:03 #293199

  • willandtonya
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Another day of victory! Baruch Hashem for His loving kindness!!! Me and the wife went shopping tonight. It is amazing at how close we have become through this commitment I have chosen. She is 100% behind me and is understanding of my struggle. It gives me such a peace that I can discuss with her all of my temptations and failures (may that not happen).

More than that, she is becoming even more beautiful than ever! It's amazing how the power of lust can steal what you already have. 

Though I may fail, this has been the most amazing time in my life, other than when I chose to trust in the God of Israel, the Creator of the universe. I feel unbelievable at this moment!

I pray Hashem helps me see through His eyes and not my selfish desires. Keep strong everyone!!

Re: Just started!! 04 Aug 2016 02:45 #293292

  • willandtonya
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Today was another fairly normal day. The temptation to watch porn has waned dramatically. Almost non-existent at this point (with a few early morning temptations). I'm still working on  Shmirat Einayim. That was put to the test today at the grocery store. Does anyone else have a hard time waiting in line with the "magazines" before you? I guess looking down is the best option when in public places like this, especially in the summer here on the southern east coast.

I pray everyone is still going strong. May Hashem give all of us His spirit to overcome!!

Re: Just started!! 04 Aug 2016 02:59 #293299

  • inastruggle
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There was a discussion about the magazines in the checkout aisles on the chizzuk emails a little while ago.

You're an inspiration!
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: Just started!! 04 Aug 2016 14:47 #293342

  • gibbor120
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Try texting a GYE friend, or any friend/relative while you are waiting.  You won't have to listen to the "look, no don't look" struggle going on in your head.  Or pick up a candy bar and read the nutritional information...

Re: Just started!! 05 Aug 2016 03:02 #293373

  • willandtonya
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Baruch Hashem!! He has guided me through another day closer to perfection. Though I know it is a constant travel, it is the greatest pursuit one can strive to attain. Finally committing myself to truly love Hashem with heart, soul and resources, has shown to me that He does help those who seek after Him. It is odd that I once felt I was on such a path, which was filled with failure, causing me to condemn myself as a wicked person. Yet, now, I see Hashem knows the heart, He knows if one indeed seeks after Him. And I realize that there is a middle path. I must strive to reach His holiness, yet I must realize that I cannot attain it by myself. He is my help in time of trouble (which we all can use in this struggle). So I must work with all of my power to become perfect, yet know it is only by Hashem's spirit within me that I can achieve it. 

Push toward the prize of eternal bliss in the world to come, where we no longer have to choose between submission to the yetzer hatov and yetzer hara, for we will become the perfectly complete as evil/sin/wickedness/wrong are removed.

I also thought I would share this excerpt from an email I get. Though it specifically speaks to the Jew, I believe all humankind can relate:

"The religious life is not a matter of suddenly arriving, but of constantly journeying.

The journeys of the Israelites from Egypt serve as a warning against the two kinds of error into which a Jew can fall.

One is to believe that one has arrived. He may think: Having reached so far in my Judaism, I can rest content. But the truth is that the Jew was not created to stand still. There is always a new journey before him.

The other is to despair. He may feel: I know so little, I am capable of so little, that my religious efforts are in vain. But in truth, even a single journey is a liberation from some personal Egypt. (And the direction in which one is traveling matters more than how far one is along the way.)"

Re: Just started!! 05 Aug 2016 12:54 #293392

  • Workingguy
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Will,

It sounds great but remember, there is nothing perfect but Him and we are striving for closeness and connection to Him, but not perfection bc that is impossible.

As someone else wrote recently, complete abstinence from porn and masturbation are possible, but definitely not perfection.

Re: Just started!! 07 Aug 2016 03:11 #293459

  • willandtonya
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Nothing much to report today, I just wanted to encourage everyone who reads this to keep up the fight!!!!

Re: Just started!! 09 Aug 2016 03:42 #293567

  • willandtonya
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I am so grateful to Hashem for providing this group. It is so encouraging to see I am not the only one in a struggle with this, and that there is a place to share and be encouraged. I have made it to this point only because of Hashem's help and the encouragement and testimonies I have here. 

I have been tempted to watch porn, but I realize even more so now that it is what is outside of that which is the biggest struggle. Everywhere I go, as I know everyone else can attest too, not just immodesty, but nakedness. There is only fabric glued to the skin. My wife has been trying to make it through the day to see my struggle and has said she doesn't know how I (or you all) can do it. Living on the beach on the east coast (NC), a tourist haven, is like watching a Victoria Secrets fashion show, or walking through a yoga class or the gym. But, baruch Hashem, I am doing well in controlling my desire to "not miss" something.

I'm with you all in the trenches, and with Hashem and each others prayer and encouragement, we will overcome this for His namesake!!! Be strong and of good courage everyone!!!

Re: Just started!! 11 Aug 2016 03:17 #293662

  • willandtonya
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Today was a very easy day in relation to this passion we call lust. But the family and I went shopping tonight, and things became challenging. I'm starting to adjust to keeping my eyes down in the manner "Windows of the Soul" suggested. But the flesh was flying everywhere. My wife didn't know what to think either. She told me "I feel so bad for you men". But, baruch Hashem, I exited unscathed. 

I pray everyone is still walking in triumph! And if not, remember "today is the day" and to "choose this day". The past is just that past. Press on friends!!!

Re: Just started!! 14 Aug 2016 05:58 #293770

  • willandtonya
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I had a pretty tough day physically, didn't get much sleep due to sun poisoning on my neck that itched terribly. I struggled in this time, and at times yesterday, with images of porn scenes (a very specific one for some reason). It was a fight to subject them, but I prayed for Hashem to create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit in me. Though it was difficult, He brought me through. 

I hope everyone is still staying strong. May Hashem's shalom keep you all on the straight path
Last Edit: 14 Aug 2016 22:22 by skeptical. Reason: Please don't post quotes from your religion. This is your warning.

Re: Just started!! 17 Aug 2016 02:43 #293977

  • willandtonya
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Haven't been able to post on here the past couple of days. For some reason I couldn't connect to the site. But, its been somewhat of a regression. I haven't looked at porn or lusted after a women, but I have been lacks on guarding my eyes. It's so easy to lose track of what your doing with all of the cares of life.

Me and the wife started to study Rabbi Dessler's Strive for Truth. We read his first essay in part two of the series and it is very thought provoking. The idea of life being a meaningless parable, and that the true reality is hidden for the sake of mans freewill is convicting. I believe it is very valid in relationship to our struggle. We are seeking pleasures that are but an illusion, or what he would deem a double illusion, rather than seeking the true reality, the revelation of Hashem's glory. Desire and passions, though innate by Hashem's design, are tools that we use inappropriately and for false realities rather than seeking what truly exists. But the fact that we are examining ourselves, allowing light to enter the dark places within us, is very encouraging.

Keep strong friends, and continue the fight.
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