Wow. That was a beautiful post. I wish this forum had a "like" button!

Closing a door isn't easy, but it's the only thing to do - otherwise, well, anything can come through, and deep down, we often kinda hope that it does.

Glad to hear about your decision. may these days continue to be days of simcha for you, for all the right reasons!

I've been having a difficult time over the past few days with taivahs. Perhaps it's the break in schedule, having too much time free to waste, I'm not sure. All I know is that the yetzer hara is bothering me much more than he has been for a long time. I've been waking up with fully formed fantasies in my head and with very strong desires to look at stuff on the internet. Last night I even tested my filter a little bit. Baruch Hashem, it is still working but we all know that checking filters is just an excuse to hope to see something assur.

I decided things were getting a little too lax, so I put up another neder last night to prevent me from doing these little searches on the internet. Why do these memories plague me so? At least the attacks haven't been the strongest in memory, but they have been persistent. I'm so close to 90. I can't give up now!

NOYA wrote on 07 Mar 1974 13:40:


So true.  Testing a filter to see if its blocking is like driving towards a cliff to see if our brakes are working.  I'm glad you realized before things really got out of hand. Hatzlacha on staying sober today. Have a wonderful and simchadig Yom Tov.

I feel much better now. I was talked into going out with someone even though I was initially determined not to go out until 90 days were accomplished, and we've gone out twice. The first time was really great - I liked her a lot as a person, and naturally had little flashes during the date of thinking about her inappropriately (she is a great looking girl, ken ayin hara). I was sort of worried the latter would happen, but you know, I think realistically speaking that's going to happen no matter how many days sober you are.

I'm a little bummed now though, because I felt the second date wasn't nearly as good. I didn't feel the chemistry like I did the first time. I'll talk about it with a rebbe. Have a good yontef everyone!

Chemistry isn't everything its cracked up to be. Can you enjoy conversation with her? Do you share torah values with her? Does she have the middos that you want in a wife and mother of your children?

silentbattle wrote on 23 Oct 2011 02:02:


Neither is biology.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 23 Oct 2011 18:38:

Neither are models and actresses or other men's wives.

I never really got into all these sciences, so can't say any expert opinion on the ologies. I have to get more serious because I've been having some minor breaches of allowing thoughts and hands to wander for too long. This too is assur. Being maksheh ledaas is an isur derabonon, and I have to remember that. It's not okay to have a little bit of fun.

Otherwise, I'm doing well Baruch Hashem. I have another date tonight, and was all worried about where to go because my original plan got ruined. I hope my backup plan goes well. I also hope that this date reveals if we really click or not. I'm going to try to just be my fun, charming self and see if she appreciates me that way. The venue sounds exciting, so I gotta get pumped up for it.

As for SB's questions, it's still a little early to tell. I don't plan on getting heavy in hashkafa tonight, so I'm not sure what else I will learn about her midos. The goal of tonight is to see if I like hanging out with her. I want to see if she is cool and if our conversation will flow well. I'll just play it by ear. Wish me luck!

I had my clean times for a week here and a week there when I was a bochur but never when I was going out on shidduch dates. I don't need to explain why.(We didn't do anything wrong, but my mind .........)
So be very careful NOYA, and if you get to 90 now, you are a lot more of a man than I was back then.

It's kind of interesting. Despite her being pretty, I don't lust after her, which is nice. I guess it's because I view her as a person, and not as an object. I'm feeling really good about everything right now. Baruch Hashem, dating is going really well. I think I'm ready to put my numbers up on the wall again. I feel confident that I'm making it this time. See me on the chart, gents!

Sounds good.

I find the same thing at work, there are loads of pretty young women over here, some frum, some not, but since they are all people and I know they are all more skilled than I am, I don't lust after them. It's true none of them can teach a tosfos like I can or learn kisvei Arizal, but here in the office it is office skills that count and I am fresh out of kollel. Women's legs do not turn me on much, objects' legs are what make me lust.

What a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  :'(

Still sober though!

Wha happened?  sorry you had a rotten day.  It happens.  Duh.  That's just for today.  Awesome that you are still sober.  KOT