Hey, your back again!!
That's really great, it looks like you gain a lot from this site - like the rest of us.
My observation of your sitch, is that you lose momentum, and although you have unusually solid starts on your clean streaks, as soon as the excitement of "starting fresh" goes away, you lose your cheshek.
I think you should make it your business to post a daily log here and let us know where your holding and what your up to. Preferably, this should be your only use of the computer (at least for the remainder of shovavim).
Also, look around at the other yiddin with the same struggles as you, and help them. It's a give and take here. If you give - you'll be able to take.
I wish you true hatzlacha on your new goals.
Have a great Shabbos.

welcome back bro. Youve returned to the right place. But im sure you know that already.

Hatzlacha and wishing you all the best on your journey!!!

Thanks everyone for ur replies- each and everyone is mechazek me!
B"h today has been so far so good and i'm feelin quite positive (still can't let my guard down of course!)

looking forward to and wishing everyone a great uplifting and spiritually pure shabbos!

Gut voch everyone
had a average shabbos- cud have learnt more. But otherwise am still pulling thru!
May we all have great week!

Thats great BS D,

I have never heard of an "average Shabbos" ??? ??? Can you explain that one to me? Did you keep half the mitzvos? Just kidding :D :D :D Lets look at the glass half full and think "wow i got some learning done this Shabbos, that's great! Next Shabbos I'll try to learn a little more!"

Gut Voch

-Yiddle

Ha ha! I was definitely mekayem all the eating mitzvos!

what i mean is that i felt i could have used my shabbos more-missed mincha in shul! -i can't write i had a great shabbos if i don't feel that way about it?!

Just about to go to bed. B"h 2 clean days under my belt (mind the pun)!

Haha thats a great joke there at the end! Got it right away. Have a great night.

BSD. It seems like you in israel?? Do you know of our get togetheres?? The gye ones??

No i don't know of any get togethers. Fill me in!

Well today is day 3

i thank hashem for helping me get to where i am.
Til today i wasn't really trying that hard i was more casual and trying to see how long i'd stay clean. but i went thru an old thread of mine called 'starting again' and got an amazing chizuk just reading up my past struggles and fears and how i went for my longest clean streak then.

Otherwise today could have been worse. I didn't learn with any chavrusas today- we all know what boredom brings! but b"h i managed to learn myself and said some tehilim
b"h i'm feeling more upbeat and am determined to beat the y"h, although i know that he will keep trying his dirty tricks on me- suppose i'll just have to keep davening and trying my best! 

Truth is, in every part of avodas H-shem, our perspective should ideally be that this is our one and only interest in the world, and our entire existence is only about this. But realistically (although this is 100% possible for anyone who is determined) this is a very high level, and not expected from people.
You seem to be struggling with many areas of avodas H-shem, besides the big monster.
Everything has it's place and time.
Right now, you have to put your focus on staying clean till you feel you have a good handle on staying away from not only the shmutz, but more importantly - the things which you find lead you there. Take everything else as secondary for now.
You are all about escaping now.

This is awesome, but don't get too confident.
And that's what will ultimately get you through this.
We're all with you here, BSD!!!!!!

Thanks kg for ur inspiring post.
Kollel Guy wrote on 24 Jan 2010 20:30:

Does that mean i should concentrate more on staying clean rather than any other aspect of my life. But if i'm not accomplishing alot won't that bring me down and c"v lead me to a fall?
Please explain!!

No C"V!! You should definitely see to it that you are keeping to a committed schedule, and accomplishing and growing and advancing.
You are absolutely correct that doing nothing is a recipe for disaster.
I'm just saying you should see yourself as being successful or not based on how your doing in this area - for now.
If you are clean?? That's seriously amazing!!! You were spared from the big bad monster!!
Right now - that's exactly what your job is. To escape him.

It's very important that a persons digestive system work properly, but that is not the main concern during a heart surgery being done on him.

All I'm saying is not to lose perspective, and confuse what's really the issue which deserves your attention at this point.

Reb BSD, one day you will B"EH be able to open up a Chovos Halevavos - shaar cheshbon hanefesh, and draw a picture of who you are, where your holding before H-shem, and what you still need to accomplish. But as of now I'm just afraid those attempts by people like us to improve - will do more damage than good.
Once we're fully out of the bor, and we can once again see clearly, then we can slowly start 'monning' a bit more from ourselves in other areas and considering ourselves deficient in our avodas H-shem until we get them in order.

B"h today was (still is) Day 4!
Woke up late and missed my chavrusa (and shachris) however this afternoon i learnt the best i've done for a long time- so that made me feel quite good about myself!
Otherwise i've had it quite easy so far- i know the y"h is still out to get me and this is prob like the calm before the storm!
Just gotta keep taking each day one at a time!
Going to have an early night-hope to be up early for shachris and get back into a proper routine!

Sounds like you're really heading in the right direction!

IT25 - that's right, remind me again that you guys have this kumzitz thing going on, while here in shmutz la'aretz, no one would even meet for a 90-day party! > > >






:D :D :D :D :D :D :D