I am not sure I understand this post. Are you saying you used the live meeting to act out? This is indeed a risk for someone who is very badly addicted but has not yet truly hit bottom and realized yet that his life is totally unmanageable. I thought you were there already, maybe you weren't.

Maybe you are now.

Whenever you are TRULY at the point of utter-helplessness and feel that if you don't get your life back you'd rather DIE, at that point you are truly ready for the live 12-Steps groups and there is no more this fear of using the group to act out.

If you are NOT there yet, then stick to the phone meetings.

Gettinghelp, we are here for you. We will help you get your life back. Listen to your Neshama who speaks only the truth. Learn to differentiate between the addict inside you who tries to kill you each day anew, and your neshama that speaks the truth softly, deep inside you.

See the post called "Revelation" in the announcement board.

May Hashem guide you to the light.

Could it be you are a candidate for medication? I would speak to your doctor about that possibility. Millions of people take today various meds for depression, OCD, ADD, or various SSRI's that can help take the "edge" off the obsession and make it easier for you to recover - along with hard work.

To be clear I used the pretext of going to meeting for an excuse to try and act out.Fortunately I was able to realize(after the fact) that I am actually powerless,and I need to let Hashem into my life.Thankfuly to Hashem my acting out does not involve masterbating or sex encounters.I feel that I am now honest enough with myself  to say i am now on the first step of the 12 steps.

B'H I did get back up.I have now worked the beginning of the first step.I feel like a huge weight has ben lifted off mt back,and I can breath now.

Made it thru today with Hashem's loving kindness.I am trying so hard to only focus on today.I thank Hashem from the bottom of my heart for my journey to this point in my life.I have learned that in order to get well I need to really want it,want it more than acting out.B'H I feel the change starting to happen.

You won't ever give up, and that is why you WILL succeed!

It has been a few days since I last posted.B"H it has been  a really good few days.I am now onto steps 2 and 3 and and working with my Dr.We have made some serious inroads and I have seen the nissim of my growth.It is a lot harder than I thought to actually work thru the times my y;h is itching to take over.But I have discovered the feeling of being sober far exceeds the feelings of dispair the y'h leaves me with.

B"H doing well. A few minor slips,but no real falls.The work needed to stay clean is hard.I do find that the harder I am working on this the closer I feel to Hashem.I know I need to keep asking for more emunah,and to keep focused only on today.

Every skill takes effort at first, but as you get better at it - it becomes less and less taxing. Watch a true martial arts master fight. Does he look like he is exerting himself? He just glides through his moves!

Check out this clip of a Ninja-stick master from Arutz Sheva.
Copy and paste this URL into the browser and press ENTER: mms://media.a7.org/a7radio/misc/video/09/tov/mar/BrucePingPong.wmv
Tell me if he looks like he is straining himself!

The Yetzer Hara throws ping-pong balls at us all day. We need to hit them back - and we can do it with ease if we master the art!

I updated your chart to Level 3 (2 weeks).
Let me know if that is valid.

KUTGW!

B"H it is valid!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very happy to hear  :D

Yesterday I learned just how much help sends me daily.A few times I tried to ac tout but got stopped every time,what a NAIS!!!B"H!!I now am at a point were my esire for being clean and healthy are growing more powerfully each day.The desire for lust is still with me but it's power is shrinking daily.

You are clearly "getting help" from Hashem. How special. 

Boruch recently explained to someone how to implement the 3rd step of the 12 steps: "We make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Hashem".

He writes:

An addict's strongest will is his lust (that's why he's addicted) and no matter what he says, he is not ready to give that up without a fight. If he says he will give up his "will to Hashem" he really only means that he will give up the acting out, but not his will.

What he really needs to do is to be mevatel his rotzon to the rotzon Hashem. That means giving up the lust.

If it doesn't look like this description from the Big Book (page 85) for the newcomer after a couple of months then it is not being done right:

"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone--even lust. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in lust. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward lust has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation."

What Boruch is saying is very profound: Instead of retaining the lust and trying to give up our will to Hashem, we just give up the lust itself to Hashem!