Finished DAY 1.This with Hashem's kindness and help with be my new 90 journal.Despite the fact that I fell after 4 wks, I feel stronger and more at ease with what it takes to have a proper and real recovery.I will have a more detailed post soon

Why do you say "despite the fact..." ? The reason that you feel stronger is that you are much stronger than before!

                                                                      CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!!!

You are so on the mark.I realize that more than ever I know and feel that 90 days and more is a doable task. The desire to live a healthy live is so strong.I feel within myself a pull towards being a holy yid.To me this means not only staying clean, but actually living a healthy live: Diet,exercise,sleeping and waking properly,tefilah,learning,chessed,tzedakah, ......For once I really really want to live free from dark feelings,and live a life of emunah and simcha.

That's the way to go!!!  "Shuva Yisroel ad Hashem Elokecha" -you have to go all the way! And that's why Hashem gave you this nissoyon in the first place, and didn't let you just live your life on auto-pilot!

And no way will I give up.I will keep pushing and doing and trying no matter what it takes,but I will, with Hashem's help,do it!

May Hashem be with you!

No matter how many times you may fall, you MUST get back up again and climb to even greater heights!

Chazak V'Ematz!

I just finished listening to the shiur by  Rav Yisroel Reisman Shlita,and it blew me away.I figured  that it would be one more mussar smooze,saying the same old stuff over and over again.Boy was I off! This is a must for all of us o GUE!!!!

Thank battleworn for sending it to me! I am happy I put up the link today. Your post gave me a very warm feeling inside. The kedusha inside you is starting to shine!

Did you listen to this navi shiur from Rabbi Reisman available on mp3shiur.com?

www.mp3shiur.com/prodDetails.asp?catID=38&prodID=431

It is the only navi shiur available for free on that site and I think I know why.  In this shiur he talks about Internet addiction.  I think it would be beneficial to anyone struggling w/ P addiction to listen to.

Hatzlacha to you!

B"H!!!! Hashem saw to it that I made it thru today.This is a day that will stay with me for a long time.Without going into too much detail,time is short,my wife is waiting for me and she comes first, lot of things transpired today that were all minhashamayim.I feel that b/c of my fall I have opened up I have been blessed with a greater sense of emunah and closeness to Hashem.For some reason it has(the fall) as a springboard pushing me higher.Maybe I am reading too much into it,or being a bit too naive ,but I am ina really good place now.I feel bsimcha going into shabbos.

Starting the wk off to a good strong start B"H.I also know that it is not just having a stronger resolve than last time to succedd, but using all the help that Hashem sends me.That means realy caring enough about my life and family to call out when I need help.

Utilize the leap and Shlep us along through your chizuk and wisdom

I am ashamed to admit that yesterday,on TuvBshvat  I had a bad day.I semi acted out,but enough to start over again today.For the time being I will stay with this site ,my Dr, and the 12 steps.However I am seriously looking into an alternative  approach.The is a some what new thought pr approach to addictions that has me very curious.The whole approach is that rather than say the addiction is an illness that we have for life,go directly to the cause and cure that.I will post more info as I get it.My Rebbe is looking into it for me before  I make a move.One of the main reasons for me wanting this new approach is that every time I leave my Dr I feel like a wounded soul that will never get completely cured.I hate teh whole idea of always being"SICK or ILL".I want to get to the very bottom the real cause of why I act out. I will keep you posted.

Im just wanted to add that the I am so sick and tired of always being afraid of falling.

I prayed for you today, you are on my mind "gettinghelp"
Please don’t despair, I hope the guys will encourage you, and lead you to the right solution, but until then chazak viemotz

I”ll quote from a letter that Rabbi Twerski Sent:
If, after the delay, one falls prey to the yetzer hara, one should know that the mitzva accrued during the delay is not lost and stands to his credit, and by merit of this, it will be easier to resist subsequent temptations.
One should pray to Hashem that the mitzvah of delay should strengthen him in his struggle with the yetzer hara.

Get up friend, and go ahead to discover the suitable method for you.