DAY 2----- Feeling ok.Yesterday was B"H an easy day.I am learning slowly but surely to let go.Letting go is the hardest thing I have come up against.I know it is a slow process but it is the only process.

This article would talk to you, I think...

It does and it did.I hope and pray that I can use it in my life.

I sense your sincerity, but that's not enough. Action is what really counts. I highly suggest joining a 12-Step group and seeing first hand how people learn to surrender to Hashem.

dear gettinghelp, we will all support you, but YOU have to do the work, we will cheer you on!isn't that why they invite 50,000 people to a baseball game? doesn't that cheering from the fans help the team do better? (do they still shout LETS GO METS ?)

DAY 3 B'H!!----- Feeling quite good.I have done some real hard soul searching and talking to Hashem these past few days.It has worked me into a place in my life that I feel for the first time the emes is starting to come out.I am slowly letting go of my controlling ways and giving myself over to Hashem.I wish it would come faster,but hey thats life.

Mazel Tov on getting back to the chart!  It is slow going, but keep in mind that you are in fact making progress.

You're back on the chart tzadik! Keep it up and never give up...

P.S. Again, I suggest you find a 12 step group. I don't tell this to everyone, but I can sense when someone is ready for this important step, and i think you are.

Had a really hard and  gut wrenching meeting with my DR.  today.Bottom line I need to stop lying and start living.I also dialed into a really good phone meeting today.I want to live and be alive with emes not lies.I  am slowly starting to let go.I  am almost at the point of willing to do anything to get better,I say almost because I don't completely have the inner desire to get better. I  am almost there but not quite.

Yes, one of the most important steps in the healing process, and perhaps one of the hardest, is learning ruthless and brutal honesty. Not just with those around you, but with one's own self as well. Learning to honestly KNOW who is talking to you, is it your soul or your addiction? Honestly identifying the tricks of the Yetzer Hara and not falling for them any more. Honestly admitting surrender. Honestly admitting powerlessness. Honestly admitting our mistakes. Honestly admitting to our accountability partners and to the group - our deepest inner feelings and struggles. It is hard, but Oh So Freeing!!

Had quite a few learning experiences today.All about letting go and increasing my emunah.B'H yesterday and today are going very well.

Still on the path of letting go.I now know that this is a full time job,but a very worth while job. The results I am told are very rewarding.BTW its harder tahn I ever thought it would be.I always had the opinion that I had emunah.Obviosly I do but it needs to be 100% strong to get me better.

Emunah has SO many levels. Every Jew has a deeply ingrained Emunah in his soul. And if he feels he is not living the way his soul wants to, it will bother him. And the fact it bothers him SHOWS he has Emunah. So take heart that this bothers you :-)

Day whatever! Don't know what day it is or do i care.I am so thankful to Hashem for getting thru yesterday and giving me a new day today to live.All I care about is getting thru today with my eyes wide open seeing all of the nissim.I finbd the minute I get too focused on the 90 days or any other type of time frame I create negative energy.I eed to stay lazer focused on geting thru the day.That's it.

Yesterday was a very strange,difficult,hard upsetting one.I was a phone meeting and decided to go to my first live meeting.Howver even after asking advice from my sponosr,I was lying to him and especially myself about why I wanted to go.I was using my addicts ability to lie and manipulate to get my why.I tried and succeeded in doing what I set uot to do.Deep down I new I wanted to act out but did not ask for help.I am viewing as a lesson in giving up my controlling ways because they simply don't work.Looking back on this weak it has taught me agreat deal.#1 is that I am so obsessed with being right nothing else matters to me.It has to be my way or the hih way.Well that just sucks.I now know what being totally powerless truly means.Even when I am trying on the surface to get help by going to a meeting my desire to act out is stronger.During the meeting I was so concerned with someone coming in that might now me I was literaly shaking inside.But still I don't give a sh...... when I am acting out if someone sees me or doing it infront of Hashem.Boy do I need some serious help.I am powerless to this illness.It eats me up and spits me out but I keep wanting more.How do I ask myself and anyone to I get the desire to go in the direction of help.I want so badly to really want to get healthy.I WANT MY LIFE BACK NOW.