When I feel that way I get me to a meeting. We gotta get out of our heads and take actions of love whenever too filled up with self-concern, even good self-concern - and it's too much self-concern if it is leading me a direction like giving up, sadness, or anything else that can't possibly be what Tatty wants for me. Hightail it out of Dodge, buddy!

thanx i dont know what it is though it was going so well now its as if i dont understand the the whole sa thing anymore, dunno if im coherent, but when i first started i was clear it seemed as if lust was outta me and know boom every look on the street and im all triggered up.

Just read ur whole thread for the first time in one shot.

I've just started out today from fresh on a new 90 day journey. Reading ur post has been so inspiring.

I was feeling a bit apprehensive but reading the way u started the battle has given me loads of chizuk.

Keep it up

thanx b sd keep up the fight in this battle u need a leap of faith and jump in to things even though it seems overwhelming. uv reminded me of somthing i once heard, it says that when the bnei yisroel whre at the yam suf they started praying to g-d to help them. the answer they received was very intrestin, the ribonoi shel oiloim said ma tizak alei dabar el bnei yisroel veyisau. translated as why are you calling to me tell the yidden to move. the ohr hachaim ask how can it be, we all know our most effective weapon is tefillah and here we were told to stop? he answers sometimes when we are so low even tefillah wont help because the judgement against us is so harsh, if that is the case the only way out is emunah the leap of faith as nachshon ben aminodov did on that day.
i myself have had a hard day i slipped/fell yesterday again but kept myself back at the last minute bh, im ready to make the leap again i will leap till i succeed! iyh tomorrow i will be going to kivrei tzadikim i will have everybody here in mind if anyone wants to give me a specific name, feel free to do so. The gra zal says since we no longer have tzaddikim of the stature of the previous generations. the shechinah rests at the kibvrei tzadim.

hey im back boruch hashem had a really nice time at kivrei tzaddikim was really great experience i said hallel in miron i was crying when i said docho dochasni linpoil vashem ezranu, rinoi shel oilam i have been pushed so that i fall down only you helped me. i had in mind all those who gave me the names. may we all see yeshuois

Hi after not posting for some time I thought id pop in to say hi, boruch hashem im still clean im keeping busy and happy and I give my success at the moment 1.due to Hashems help in giving me the strength to avoid slips, hayom omer lecho leasos kach, this is the way of the yh none of us wants to fall, iv been trying to live with this motto that I heard, its not what you don’t know that makes you fall it’s the knowledge that you know falsely 2. iv been putting a lot of effort in learning chassidus which has given me fodder for thought 3. I went to kivrei tzaddikim last week and that was uplifting .

Beatiful, reb Levite! And thanks for putting in the good word!

lol dov when i wrote that i thought of you, its actually from a set of aa speakers im listening to on my ipod. i just want to add a something i learnt today from reb nosson of breslov, he asks, why is it when rus wanted to go with noami to become a jewess, the midrash says that naomi tried to put her off by telling of of the four imeans of death available by the jewish beis din, rus answered to this where you will idie i will die, meaning she accepted this. The question to be asked is. ok, you are supposed to put somebody off becoming a geyoress but why with the misos beis din? Isnt that a bit far fetched? Isnt that kind of accusing her that you expect her to fall that low that she will be needing the largest punishment the jewish beis din can give? and furthermore what did rus answer? she should have said i will never fall that low and NEED the punishment meted out by beis din. guy i have to go so il post the answer later but even at this stage it defo food for thought

Beautiful! Thanks, Levite.
b'derech efshar: The idea of 4 misos beis din be'ahava in our k'riyas sh'ma is, to me, the idea of giving it all up for Hashem. If K"Sh is kabolas OM"Sh, what a ger has to do to become a yid, then even though a natural-born yid doesn't need to do it to be a yid, the mitzvah of K"Sh is about the acceptance as though we were being megayer. No?
BTW, this is a recovery website, so here-goes:
Whenever I gave up the opportunity to lust or give in to my lust, it felt as though doing that would surely kill me. I felt as though I'd die. It was a big lie. All giving it up ever did was weaken the obsession even more! So, I consider any surrender of lusting to be a shtick'l "giving up my life", because it feels that way. When I say K"Sh, I try to remember that I'm giving up my life for Hashem - and to say "my life" misses the mark completely. To me, "my life" means agreeing to live w/o my family, my health, my standing in the community, my friends, my money, my pleasures, my future. Basically, all the things I was slated to lose if I'd have not gotten sober...ouch. Only Hashem. Ultimately that's enough - or nothing is. I'm not there yet, but getting there slowly.
And still, I say I never would have gotten sober if I was doing it for Hashem. I would have kept acting out w/o end. Apparently, I had to give it up out of "enlightened self-interest", as AA puts it, in order not to lose all those things. They should be precious to me, and I should take whatever steps necessary to keep and maintain them. And that is why it really means something to imagine giving them up for my Best Eternal Friend!

hi pps. long time no see. i havent been posting for a few reasons,
1. i fell again and i wanted some time to think this out before i post again
2. Due to the fall iv been trying to keep fufilled and busy im hoping it will help
3. dunno just wasnt in the mood anyway today i decided partly due to eyeball asking if everything is ok to let y'all know that there will be no white flag from me in the near future.
Ok i have some unfinished bussiness here with dov but before i get to that, i just wanna share a vort i heard from a mashpia, reb nachman says that every person suffers from the jealousy of the malachim, the prosecuting angels and the only way out is to connect to klal yisroel as a whole because we as a whole have the strength to overcome these angels, so the mashpia added that this what we see by reb amram chasidah who thought he can fight the yh single-handedly he realized his mistake and he prevented himself by falling by connecting to klal yisroel by calling out, and assembling the crowd.
back to the post i wrote before this what reb nosson writes that although naomi wasnt suspecting her tzadeikus of a daughter in law of ever needing the death scentence she wanted to teach her an important lesson in yiddishkeit, that is if you want to be a yid you have to realize that we have a much stronger temtation then before so even though your a tzadeikes know and it seems to you that you will never stoop so low. you should know what your up against and only with this knowledge can you attemp your journey as a jewess. Rus understood this and answered simply, im ready to become a jewess even if it means im gonna face such temtations by the yh.
have a good week folks

Wow its definitly nice to have the shiras halevi'im back!!! Sorry to hear about your fall.

there once was a time when our music was real....

Aich nasher es shir hashem................Al admas necher.

Levite, Yechidah's post in today's chizuk e-mail (#649) meant you for sure!

“Sing to the One who rejoices when conquered” ( Pesachim 119a) .

Sometimes you must conquer even God! You may think that God has rejected you because of your sins and that you are still not doing His will. Even so, you must remain very firm and throw yourself before Him. Stretch out your hands and plead with God to have mercy on you and draw you to His service. Cry out: “No matter what, I want to be a Jew!”

This is how you overcome God. God has great joy when you conquer Him in this way.

Sichot Haran #69

yes reb guard it was beaut post a chasidsheh shtickel! thanx yechidah