I love you Levite....and have nothing to say that I haven't already posted to you above. Stay in touch and may Hashem help you get the assistance you need, along with all of us. I am a loser too. I only stopped because I had to, not because I am a good guy. And Hashem has helped me stay sober today so far and for years now, for free. Do whatever you must - without this, everything else is dark.

Welcome back, Levite.

For now, just keep on posting.  That's a really good start.  You'll start getting those thoughts out of your head, and onto the forum instead.  You'll no doubt get lots of helpful replies along the way, too.

  --Eye.

thanx guys, h i eye im sorry to hear about your fall,
You see this is the reason why im so downhearted, i feel as if im stuck in a forced tango with a deranged heroin addict, its as if when im lusting i dont recognize myself, dr jekyll and mr hyde dtyle, i actually scare myself with how deranged i become, i quit smoking and thats it i was over, will i ever be over this? I feel as if, If this fight will go on forever whats the point, as long as edward hyde is in the house, im never gonna make progress

I live in the house with my Eddy Hyde....he just sits in the corner and passes wind, I guess. Always trying the crudest ways to get my precious attention.

I look at him and just shake my head. I try never to actually make eye contact. I never talk to him, cuz he has a real knack of drawing me into long, tortuous debates - and I always used to lose them! Ughh!

So there he sits. Poor guy.

Well, you can always schlep Mr. Hyde along with you to therapy or to a 12-step program.  That might just get rid of the fellow.

  --Eye.

I live in the house with my Eddy Hyde[bThat might just get rid of the fellow.][/b] just dell again well dunno if U can call plain acting act as falling, i just plain sailed through it, what a waste of time,
I cant buy into SA cause I don't believe its an illness per Se, I think that when i will be laying on the taharah rock ill be asking myself was it really an addiction? so you guys are gonna say try and stop and i don't have what to answer im finding that my beliefs are negating the facts and if i drop the beliefs im pulling the floor from under my feet, i lose everything

So then, you would say it is healthy?

Maybe all you'd really lose is the staunch conviction that you really know anything at all. Hatzlocha whatever you decide to do...whatever it is, it will require some work, patience with yourself, G-d, and people, and tons of siyata diShmaya.

Love,

Dov

Hi guys thanks for replying, eye, im not saying its healthy and even more so, i think its an addiction im almost sure its an addiction but sometimes i think that  the great Torah  minds of all generations never mentioned it and just the opposite reb nachman writes
What is free will? If you want, you do it , and if you don't want, you don't do it.

Likutey Moharan II, 110

He goes on to say there that many people think they are addicted to their ways, but if they truly want they can get out of it, as chazal may they get and thousand so, for the sake of not changing one iota in the Torah
The funny thing is last time i made it to 95 days, the first 70-80 were a breeze, because i was campaigning on the slogan of free will, i went to uman and asked my rebbe to beseech the high heavens for  my sake just to be able to prove that tzadik gozer vhakadosh boruch hu mekayem.

Don't get me wrong i actually want to believe its an addiction an illness etc. its easier to get out of it, id be able to go to workshops etc. , but i cant find it  in  me to do. I don't know anything to start of with all i do know is my sefarim on emunah, be it chazon ish reb nachman or ramchal, on those i base my foundations and all i use my mind is trying not to err in interpretation.

Using your mind not to err in interpretation.....OK, it seems to me that you are successful in using your mind to not err in emunah, but unsuccessful in using your mind to be sober.

Happy to set the emunah issue aside for a while, all I'd really like to know is on what basis you think you are addicted, at all?

Thanks.

levite wrote on 17 Jun 2010 06:12:


Well, whatever works.

  --Eye.

oh dov reb dov, ]i wish you would understand! your preaching to the converted! how do i know that im addicted? well im a very charismatic person and actually help a lot of people who are going through issues in their life, i8v changed my life in so many ways and when it comes to this issue im useless! 

all i want/need is a way out! :-X :-\ :-\

Huh?

same here!