Level two! Three days clean.

Yesterday, I spent all afternoon on the forums. I hope I can make this an isolated incident and not the development of a habit. I'm going to use break reminder software just so I'm aware of the time passing, which I think will prompt me to go get on with my day.

I'm going to a friend's for shabbos/the weekend, and I won't have access to GYE. I don't think expect this to be a challenge, but I'm going to make an effort to be especially aware of what's happening in my inner world so that whether the weekend is easy or challenging, I can us it to learn and grow.

Jack i want to congratulate you for looking away from the iphone showing the bad picture. It may seem at the beginning you are a nerdy like YShamim said but bottom line it was a tremendous Kidush Hashem . I doubt if they will show it again to you. It was a heroic act everything considered.Keep Up The Good Work , Hatzlacha !!

I spent the weekend at a friend's house. I've become friends with his wife too. I don't objectify her at all and have no lustful feelings for her. However, some of the married women who joined us for lunch or just to visit (with their families) were very attractive. I made an effort to really perceive their humanity, not just their gender. I was relatively successful at that, but I couldn't help but have some lustful thoughts. But compared to the thoughts I used to have, these thoughts were a great improvement. I felt only a very slight urge to take a fall, which I easily overcame. I think it's natural to appreciate a woman's beauty, but not natural for her beauty to lead my mind right into the bedroom.

This thread of you gave me a lot of strenght and inspiration !
Thank you very much for that ! Waiting for other good news about you soon bH !

Are you divorced with respect of marriage, or are you divorced from bein' a porn addict?

The marriage

ok; and pardon me for the question.
I reread your entire thread to see, but I couldn't find it, and I just noticed that you wrote that.
Perhaps now, the correct answer would be "both."

7 days! Woo! I'm pretty proud of myself.

TaPHSiC is working great, except that I added that if I disable K9, I have to do my big knas, which is fast two days within two weeks. Well, K9 was working but was kind of messed up and I had to uninstall it and reinstall it to get things working again, so I'm fasting today and tomorrow is Tainis Esther anyway. Since I got my big knas, I'm out of the shvua. I'll make it again, but this time I'll make sure that I specify that it should only include disabling it with intent to fall. The upside is that I get to see what my big knas is like, so I can modify it to be more suitable for me if I need to.

So all in all, things have been going really good, and this moment is going well, so I can't ask for anything else, except that it be HaShem's will that I not fall again, and that if I do, I harness the fall itself to further my tshuva.

Having a little bit of a hard time this morning. I made my TaPHSiC shvua again. That helped a lot, but I can tell that it's not a long term solution. I started reading the White Book, which is really speaking to me, and I plan on going to an SA meeting motzei shabbos.

Wow!! Good for you!! That is really great of you!

I hope it goes well!

Make sure to stay in touch!

I went to my first SA meeting last night. It went really well and I'm looking forward to coming back. In the mean time, I'll read some of the SA material.

I had a strong temptation this morning. I reread my TaPHSiC shvua and was able to be koveish my yetzer, but only barely.

I still have a long way to go.

Good for you!! L'chaim on another victory! Be"h many more!

Do you know what triggers you?

I smell a true success story in the making.

You are really putting in a yeoman's effort. Keep davening and following the advice and lessons learned at SA meetings and on the forum.

Be strong and think like a winner.

Last night, I had my first fall since joining GYE. I knew I was in the grip of lust, but I didn't try to distract myself. I lied to myself, telling myself I was strong enough to refrain, when I knew that was just an excuse to put myself in a position where I would act out.

I finally took the step of deleting my accounts on porn sites. Not the first time I've done that. Hopefully the last time.

Since I didn't do my distractions before my fall, I'll be fasting tomorrow and Wednesday. I don't think I'll renew my shvua this time, as it doesn't seem to be an effective deterrent for me at this point in my recovery. IYH, it will be enough one day. I'll see how it goes without the shvua for a little while, and if it seems like maybe it would help even a little, I'll renew it, otherwise, there isn't much point.

Nevertheless, I was clean for 12 days before my fall, and I'm proud of that. That achievement inspires me to keep trying, not give up, recognize the nature of my illness, and surrender myself to the Ratzon Hashem. Still optimistic.

Thanks for the share.
Good to be optimistic.
Perhaps read five minutes a day from the whitebook.

b'hatzlachah