Since after Yom Kippur this year I made a decision that nay time I Motzei Zera Livatala I'm going to go the mikvah. It was amazing how pretty quickly I was going for close to a week straight without any mishaps. This decision gave me two incentives. First of all, if I would mess up, I knew I would have to wake up early to go to the mikvah in the morning. Second of all, after I went to the mikvah I felt much holier, so I wouldn't want to ruin that feeling by messing up. For a while I was going to the mikivah from once every few days to once a week. With Hashem's help I managed to stay clean for the past 45 days. That's an world record for since I was probably 13 years old. On day 39 I woke up in the middle of the night to find that I had a "mishap", but it was not intentional on my part. All I knew was I had woken up and I needed to get changed. I'm still counting even though that happened because it wasn't me intentionally doing it. It just happened. Now I'm working on sleeping on my side instead of on my stomach.
Now I'm up to day 45 and I can't wait to get to 90. I feel so free from this burden. I'm pretty sure it gets easier as time goes along. The more I put myself in the mindset that I'm not a person who does such a thing, the more helpful it becomes to overcome this nisayon. My learning has been better and my davening too. For anyone out there reading this, thinking to themselves, "That's great that he can do that, but me? No way!", don't fool yourself. Make a commitment. Go to the mikvah and Hashem will help you overcome your tests.
A few weeks ago I came to a realization. The Pasuk in the Torah that we say in Shema three times a day "v'lo sasuru acharei l'vav'chem v'acharei eineichem" is a mitvah di'arausa. Its a mitvah from the Torah. For people who have more tests in this area like me, we must realize that Hashem is giving us tremendous opportunities to do a amazing mitzvah. Every single time we walk down the street and control out eyes, it's like we're shaking lulav and esrog. It's just like eating matzah on Pesach. We have so many amazing chances at GOLD! If we keep this in mind, when faced with a challenge, we'll be the happiest people alive. Out of everyone in the world, Hashem chose me to do a huge mitzvah. A mitzvah stated explicitly in the Torah. How fortunate we are. We should thank Hashem every day for the stupendous opportunity he's given us.
Like I once heard from my Rosh HaYeshiva, "You know when a person has finished growing? When he's dead!" Every second of our lives should be a growing experience. One to help bring us closer to Hashem.
Hashem should give us all the strength to keep on climbing.
-Yehuda0612-
