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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
TOPIC: Tcholent for the Soul (the Group) 19014 Views
Re: Tcholent for the Soul (the Group) 30 Jun 2015 00:36 #258103
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Chachaman wrote:
Avrom wrote: It seems your heading in the right direction chacha!! KOT Just three things id like to share with you: In your megilah you mention "I need to just forget about problems" - HOW do you do that?? In my experience the more I try to forget about a problem - it just rebounds with double velocity!! Only when I explain to myself that the problem is not really a problem - and try to see the bigger picture, that every thing is just for the good. Only then the issues become (more) bearable. two: there's no chiyuv for me to be unhappy given what I've gone through, to lust for anyone--in fact, there's no chiyuv for me to act as if I have a problem at all! Ignore it, forget about it (but of course with a solid plan of shmiras einayim, and fences), maybe post once a week, and when you need chizuk there is plenty of that, because we are literally all in this together. This sounds scary - ill leave to the experts - but regarding myself, i realized that if im not constantly busy with the issue - it catches up with me. Leanyius daati - it has not come the time to forget about the problem. HOw many yom kippurs was I ready to forget that I ever was mzl... Now is the time to act. Perhaps after a couple of clean months - when one sees that the plan is working, maybe then start to forget about it? Anyhow as of now I think its important to know that I have a problem. Would love to hear what the oilam thinks of this...?? One last thing: La'aniyus Da'ati, I respectfully disagree about Hashem being more close to us at certain times than others. (I have the same problem with "this time being an eis ratzon, this time not", etc.) Hashem is there year round, 24/7, and it's only our perceptions that make Him seem closer or more distant. there IS a concept of hashem being closer. That's why people go to the kosel... Or daven with more kavanah at certain times.. I just want to add that R' Sholom Shwadron says: Many people think that they will leave tshuva to the long winter... Whats the rush to make an effort in elul?? Wrong!! Being that the king is in town and every peasant has the opportunity to see him. If a person over sleeps the kings arrival - and dears to approach the king in his palace - he will be kicked out!! The king will ask "I was in your home villiage - where where you then??" SO if someone misses that opportunity he also looses the year-round possibility to get into the palace by appointment. If I only brought up these 3 points - you can take from that that I agree to the 1342 things you wrote  Keep up the good work!! Sorry it's been a while, but I've been adjusting to college and my first full-time experience of being in a Yeshiva, and so far it's been amazing. I really love Yeshiva. I hope everyone's doing well. I am back in my hometown for Succos. Right now I am attempting to make an egg-salad...not the most lofty of goals but it's been a learning process for just figuring out how to hard-boil eggs  I don't think you and I were disagreeing. What I meant when I said that (what seems to be working for me) is to forget about problems is that: -I know someone who moved out of their parent's house long ago but still is feeling negative affects from it. What I mean is that they are in their thirties, and though they have been gone since high school, they still have issues stemming from their childhood. And I don't mean to negate those issues. I am sure they are very valid. They definitely aren't anything related to abuse; it's more "the mother is very controlling", this, that, and the other. At some point, if you've left your parents house 15 years ago, you've got to move on and stop diagnosing yourself with problems based on what happened 15 years ago. I am just using this case as an example. Now, when I say "move on", I mean "deal with the problem in an authentic way--either through forgiving, internalizing that your parent's problems aren't yours, that your parents are human too, or something along these lines". At least for me: some things about my childhood I just have to move past. I can get past them 10 years from now, or I can get past them now. I can live life hating my parents, despite the many many kindnesses they've done for me, while not accepting that they are human and have rights to their flaws even though these flaws in no way reflect anything about me and these flaws diminish their quality of life--or I can forgive and love them with a simple heart. תמים תהיה עם ה' אלקיך. Love Hashem. Don't chesbon things out too much--just say "no matter what, what has happened is for the best and I love you Hashem". Also, never forget about the problem. The difference between me today (I hope at least) and a year ago is that right now, I am literally taking things a day at a time. I don't trust myself at all--not in the slightest. I'm not counting how many days at a time. And I think right now I am truly taking it day by day, minute by minute--like some_guy said. However, do I need to frame life as "fall v. no fall"? Of course not. Would it have been productive for me to be on GYE the past 4 weeks? No--it would have taken away from time from other things like learning, and I didn't feel it would be a huge help to me personally. That's all I meant, and I'm sure everyone's situations are differently. Anyway, chag sameiach!!! To think or not to think....that is the question |
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