My old topic go moved to the married forum. I hope it will be helpful there.

Today is day 32.

Today is day 33.

It's been hard lately. I have a pretty serious arousal because I have been thinking about convincing my wife to be nice to me. However it's been going on for days because I am so conditioned that I have a choice. So I move on. But because it's pretty advanced I do the emotional reasoning (it feels so good that I must really need it ..) again pretty soon after that. Today it got easier because I went to work.

It's very interesting and different from white-knuckling it, which I used to do years ago before I realized I had an irrational belief that I was powerless. I would lust and lust but not actually masturbate. And then I would do it. Then I would feel guilty because I am such a tzadik and a tzadik must feel guilty after sinning. Now I actually move on.

I think basically I am feeling doomed because I have had no puzzles to rack my brains over, because of Yom Tov. So I am actually considering masturbating regularly. But When I think about being a mediocre Jew then I realize it doesn't make sense. Since I am not powerless I choose not to do it.

It's fortune telling. I don't really know that my life is destined to be boring. There will be new puzzles to work out, because it has happened before and there is no reason it should not happen again.

Today is day 34.

What do you mean by "convincing my wife to be nice to be"?

I mean tashmish.

Hey Nederman, just saw the ohr hachaim in haazinu and he says dont even argue with the yetzer hara just strengthen yourself that you know whats right and cut those thougts out. He says if you argue with it then youll automatically become nitmah. just blot it out. and If you (still him) if you feel yourself on the way expose yourself meaning call someone and spell out clearly what your doing. He gave the example of rav amram chasida who yelled when he was on the ladder but thats very intense HATZLACHA ! and a guten shabbos and chag sameach!!!

I don't mean literally argue like you have to convince someone. I mean argue in the sense of weighing different options. I am sure you do that too at times.

Today is day 36.

Shabbos morning I woke up feeling as if I had slept on a chair at the airport waiting for a connection to an early morning flight in Mumbai (I did that once when I was a kid.) Somebody had left the light on in the bedroom and I slept with the light on.

I got dressed and went to shul. Then when I got there I decided that I was not sufficiently rested to remind myself that I am not powerless against lust. So I turned right around, got back into pajamas and found a room with the light off, put the blinds down, and went back to sleep. I woke up after shul was over, but I had my mindfulness back.

Of course I do but the point is that youve already weighed the beneifts and disadvantages to doing it many many times and the conclusion is obvious and any safek is pure yetzer hara/ wrong thinking. Its something I work on, I try to avoid discussions with myself/the yetzer hara whichever about the benefits of m*** its wrong. period. It works taka. I hope I made the point clearer and of more use to you.

No, it's not obvious because you have a reflex. You have to remind yourself with a mental sentence of you want to succeed consistently (see sig.)

Today is day 39.

Today is day 40.

I had this brilliant idea of getting up at four to learn before davening, and I didn't sleep well.

I HATE BEING TIRED! I AM TELLING MYSELF THAT I CANNOT DO MY OWN BEST INTEREST BECAUSE I AM TIRED, AND IT'S FALSE FALSE FALSE.

The yetzer ha-ra cannot make me sin. It can blah blah blah me to death but it cannot make me sin. I am not powerless. I cannot get aroused further unless I lust. If I don't, the arousal is dead on arrival.

nederman wrote on 10 Oct 2012 00:49:


A Rasha is someone who CHOOSES to do an aveira even when he has a bechira to do otherwise.


Ones rachmana patrei. (God is Rachmana. He is a rachamon. He is not looking to play GOTCHA!!!)


Hashem looks at Maaseh ish u'pekudaso. What is HIS potential. I gotta do what is expected of ME.


"It is in the ability of every human being to be a tzaddik like Moshe Rabbeinu." _(Rambam) How can I be as great as Moshe Rabbeinu? The is no navi as great as Moshe! Is there a stira in the Rambam between Hilchos Tesuva & the 13 Ikrei Emuna???

Moshe Rabbeinu fulfilled his potential 100%. He was not perfect. He is not among those who died b'ityo shel nachash. But he did what was expected of HIM.

If I do everything that is in my power then I can also be a tzaddik. Part of my personal avodas Hashem is to work on the midda of Honesty. To honestly admit that I am not that great. That there are things that I am powerless over. I am such a weakling that I do not even have control over myself, let alone others.

If I am doing the best that I capable of - even when I am doing something that can be considered terrible if others do it - I am not in the category of a Rasha.

....even though I admit that I am powerless.


P.S. I gotta remember that Hashem loves me. There is NOTHING that I can do that will remove that love!!!!!