Failed. Can't believe it, but its the hard sad truth. I had come so far...
Must try to figure out what went wrong...
Take me off the Wall of Honor until I can go 3 days once again...
Almost had it. Very sad. I'm sorry.
New battle begins... First full day will commence tomorrow night 12/16.
Still can't comprehend.
Must not get into bad depression.
Well here I go again: Day 1.
Sorry everyone.

dear wewillnotbeforsaken. if this is your 1st time falling, you have 6 (or more) left.7 times  i believe is lav davka. if this is your 2nd time, get up anyway.the 6th time, get up.fall, get up.fall, get up.there will come a time, who knows when, when you wont fall again.as long as you dont stay down.we're here to pick you up - so what are you worried about???? jack

Jack is right. That's what we're here for. You made it to 57 days. That's a real accomplishment! Now you have a new record to break. You have seen you can be free, you will not be happy now until you are fully free. (Not to mention that you were clean once for almost a year and a half in the past!)

You know something? You have got what it takes! I say that because of your honesty. Not everyone is willing to post that they had a fall. Especially after so long. But you did! And honesty is one of the important ingridients to breaking free.

It would be even MORE powerful if you had a close friend of Rav that you were honest with as well. This would be a strong incentive to keep you clean.

If you learn from the falls, you actually uplift them to Kedusha! Figure out what caused the fall and make new boundaries and new battle plans.

We're not here in this world to bask in success. We are here to get up again, after stumbling in the darkness. Like the Zohar we saw in the chizuk e-mail 3 days ago, there is no light - ONLY that comes THROUGH darkness. And THIS is Avodah Shleimah.

Please read through this entire page, from top to bottom. Especially the link I have there to BATTLEWORN's incredible chizuk about Yosef Hatzadik...

Thank you...

So here I go again.
Lessons learned:
- If I feel the Y'H tempting me, avoid the computer at all costs - no matter how much I convince myself that I need it for innocent things - It's just not worth the risk.
- No matter how busy I might be, the risk always increases in times of stress.
In an effort to intensify my arsenal against the Y'H, I am mekabel bli neder the following 2 things:
1. To recite krias shema al hamitah consistently.
2. To learn at least a couple of lines of mussar every day.
Please Hashem: Help me.

This is what is meant by uplifting the fall to Kedusha. Ashrecha!

Just to try and help...
What are you going to do about times of stress? Elya might be able to give you some good pointers. See Elya's post on this page, if it applies to you.

And do you have a strong internet filter - or at least "Accountability software"? This can help a LOT for weak moments!

Getting up right after you fell, is the ultimate Kidush Hashem!!!!! ASHRECHA!!!

Learning from your mistakes, is the ultimate form of teshuva and the ultimate tikun!!!

ASHRECHA!! BEMAKOM SHEBAALEI TESHUVA OMDIM EIN TZADIKIM GEMURIM YECHOLIM LAAMOD!!!!!!!!!

CHAZAK VEEMATZ!!!!!

Wow what a huge help reading this thread.Or should I say learning from it.It has given me an advance warning of the traps the y'h has waiting.B'H I am now a bit more prepared to face waht awaits me.Please  never forget what you have passed on to a newbie!!!!

Guard and all the other holy Jews,
Thanks for the chizuk.
Regarding the stress:
Incidentally the stress that I recently had was of the sort that theoretically could have been avoided - therefore my solution is to try to avoid such stress in the future. Regarding unavoidable stress, I think that my only option is to go nowhere near a computer with internet access during those times.
Regarding the filter:
I know that the first thing you tell everyone is to install a good filter. You keep on stressing it - Good. If only I would have listened - I foolishly thought that after not having much temptations for a while I wouldn't need it. I still don't get how to actually install a filter - I went to Jnet and emailed them asking about this - I'm waiting for their response and then I will install the filter.
Overall I tried going through a list of all the things that can be related to my issues and hopefully I can fix some things. I'm definitely going to try to cut out news sites - because even though I might think that there is nothing totally wrong with them regarding content (this is a whole other issue) if one only looks at appropriate articles like economics and tech, for me just sitting around the computer is not healthy.
Once again thank you and with G-d's help I will get back up.

Rejoice because Hashem brought this fall on you because he trusted you to use it to spring to new heights. And you are doing exactly as he hoped you would!

Don't wait for www.thejnet.com to get back to you. Call them direct. And sign up with them ASAP to start surfing through their KOSHER servers.

AND, (this is a secret) tell them that you heard about their new advanced AI software (called Livigent) and you want to get on the system. If I understand correctly, not everyone is on it, only those who ask - since it is relatively new. If they ask you how you heard about it, just say from a good Jew who is close to their company...

Jnet
1-866-866-5638
718-437-9071

And so it begins...again.
Going with the Jewish calendar ,Wednesday 20 kislev (12/17) is first complete clean day.

You know what falls REALLY mean? They mean Hashem is ready to take you to the NEXT level. They mean you've been doing so good that Hashem wants to take you even higher. How? By giving you the opportunity to make a new start and by you not getting down!

By learning from our slips, we uplifting them to kedusha. Yes, it's a risky gamble on Hashem's part, but obviously Hashem trusted you that you would grow from it.

Congrats on your honesty. That in itself is a VERY helpful tool to recovery.

Be strong! Your Neshama came down to this world for this, did you think it would be easy? Did you think you would just "break free" 1-2-3? It's gonna be hard, there will be falls, but what Hashem wants is that we keep trying. THAT is the most precious thing to him, even MORE than staying clean always.

Checking in. Finished Day 2.

Itching to get you back on the chart 

You will not be forsaken! We are here. Hashem is with you. Let us know how you're doing.