So today is my 5th day.I do feel somewhat relived to finially get the help I need.I just have so many trigers that set me off.It is taking its toll on me emotionlly.However I feel so excited that I am slowly getting there,to a place where I can feel really feel  positive about my entire life.For over 30 yrs I have been a slave to porn and other unhealthy things.To say that I am really making big strides in overcoming this is such a comfort .I do definately want it all,the happy family,the great relationship with my wife and kids,success at work,spiritual growth and a special closeness to Hashem.Yes I know it is all possible,but after so many years of put up block after block between myself and others I just hope it will come already.

Our sages called Shmiras Habris "Yesod", meaning "Foundation". The foundation of a building is "underground" and no one sees it, yet it holds up the entire building! Shmiras Habris is the hidden part of a Jew, it's the real you. The real you will soon emerge, like a butterfly from a cocoon. But before that can happen, the worm crawls into the cocoon and is in a state of oblivion and re-birth.

That is what we will need to go through to really begin to live. But the pain you feel is the death throws of the yetzer Hara, the transformation of the old you into something new. Hold strong, and soon the really beautiful you will emerge - with new wings and new frontiers that were unimaginable before!

G-d is with you!

B"H made it thru day 6 with help from all.The temptation to look at what I shouldn't is pretty strong, but I have learned over the past few days that I can dig deep down and not look.The reward of knowing that I am actually enhancing my relationship with my wife and my creator keeps me motivated to keep going ahead.

You're doing great, but you also need to get it out of immediate hands reach. It's too hard otherwise. They'll be weak moments where you can't dig so deep, and then what? You need to know it's not an option. And the filter helps a lot with that. If you're in Israel, get Rimon. If you're in the States, get www.thejnet.com - ask them about Livigent (their excellent AI software).

Made it to day 7!!!
I have a K9 filter which is quite good. Today is this first day I can m that I feel deserving of Hashem's  mercy and chessed.I am so much more relaxed(still anxious but a lot less)and calm.For some starnge reason this being my first weak I feel very accomplished and closer to myself.I know the future has many pitfalls waiting for me,but B"H have my Rebbe,dr. and this site to get the help I need.The desire to still get online and surf from site to site is still really strong.It is so overwhelming  how much the y'h can seduce me into soiling my neshama.Even at the risk of losing it all,my wife,kids,job,friends.Never do I want to be so low again.I am starting to feel ,for the first time i guess,clean and healthy. The fact that I am laying the foundation to a pure and claen life is such an amazing inspiration for me.I never realized that by keeping way from this crap I can feel so good about myself. even when I had been able to psends weaks at atime away I didnt feel this way.I now know its the ay I am thinking and acting that has enabled me to be a proper and clean kli to accept Hashems help.

B'h made it a weak.The desire to fall on go online is so strong today.So I figured rather than do that I will come here and write.The withdrawal symptoms are so hard to deal with.I am trying to stay calm during the storm. I actually stooped as low this morning to scream at my youngest,what a huge mistake.The y'h loves getting me upset .B'H I apologized and she went off to school with a smile.I wonder how long it will take me to overcome my anger and frustrations and resentments towards myself,for screwing up so many years of my life.However I truly believe that my life is a gift from Hashem and he but me here to be the best person I was created to be,and I must go thru this cleansing process to rectify and correct my neshema for Ohlam Habah!!I will do whatever it takes, to get there.I used to think obsticles where placed before me to plow through them. That just hurts a lot.I found that if I stop amnd used my G-D given gift to think of a way of going around them,there is no pain but pleasure and a renewed self confidence.The bottom line is that the close I get to myself,really knowing myself,the closer I bring myself to my wife,the more Hashem rests his Schinah in my life and my family's life.So I will keep plugging away and make myself a proper kli for all of Hashem;s brachot.I thank the ALL MIGHTY for getting me to this point in my life.

Your posts are so inspiring! I sent out three of them in today's chizuk e-mail! Let that be a great merit for you to keep strong!

DAY 8
It is hard to believe that my ow words inspired me today. I have learned that if one really wants to purify himself and make himself holy than he will be made holy ,the y'h knows tis and tries like crazy to get you to do the opposite,because the same is true when you want to soil your neshema.If you want to be sanctified and made holy you will,if you want to be defiled you will,we need to ask for the help and it does come.I have a saying or an idea,that if you give the y'h a fraction of an inch,he takes a football filed and some.Today I had to stop what I was doing and listen to some really good simcha music to get out of he control of the y'h.It took me close to an hour but I did not give the y'h even a fraction of a fraction of an inch.B'H  I was helped by our Father in Shmayim.I am so grateful to Hakodesh Barachu for giving me the help I need.May Hashem bless all of the great people here with success in their rufuah,may we all be blessed with a lives filled with much simcha,emunah,yirah.ahava,and shalom bias for the next 120 years!!!!

First I would like to say an enthusiastic amen to your bracha!

Thank you for inspiring us with your courage to persevere and be omed b'nisayon.

May Hashem continue to help you and to help all of us to defeat this oyev hagadol, our great enemy.

B'hatzlacha Raba

DAY 9
Here I am going into my 2nd shabbos with a new feeling of pride and success.I no longer have the dreadful feeling if guilt having spent countless hours online looking at filth.I will make kiddush I"H with a renewed sense of kiduushat hayom.When I bless my beautiful children that Hashem has blessed me with i will be doing it with a true and pure heart.So many times I have gone to the mikvah before shabbos but was never really able to shake the feeling of being a liar and having my entire being soiled.Now B"H I do feel so more "purified" going into this  Shabbos Kodesh.Gue has been a tremendous  source of inspiration for me.For the first time in years I am completely open with my Rebbe and a feel so more closer to my wife .The little things that used to set me off,no longer have that power.They are still there,but after spending so many years being overly critical of myself and projecting that onto other people.getting pissed off at them for their own faults,when in actuality ,I was pissed at myself,these little trigger swill just have to stay that way,little.They have absolutely no power,unless I choose to give it to them.I will push myself and do what it takes to keep them in check,and move on to a better and higher place.Wishing all a beautiful Shabbos,one filled with emunah,simcha ,and shalom bias.May Hashem bless us all with a special  kiddushah this shabbos that we can take the sparks from and use  during the coming weak to draw ourselves closer to our Magnificent Creator.

dear getting there slowly ---- them thars beautiful words!! (elya, is that correct?)

What an inspiration! I can see the therapist is doing a great job (helping you deal with anger and being less demanding from others). This is a big part of the self-growth that will help you in this area too!

Keep up the great work.

Starting day 12 today. Already under a lot of pressure from work,usually a big trigger.B'H I have this site and other forms of help as well. I will listen to and apply what I have been taught here. May we all have a spacial added strength from the kiddushah of Chanukah,and breeze thru  without the y'h  having one bit of success.The desire to escape to the internet on a day like today,starting the morning off with pressure and knowing its going to build,is so strong I can taste it.If I can just get thru the next few hours I will be fine,I know it!Even it if means coming back to GUE 5,10,15 times today,I will do whatever it takes to stay clear of any defilement.I have complete emunah that Hashem will see me thru today,just like the past 11 days.

This is a Neshama that has begun to shine with a great light!

I hope today's Chizuk e-mail helped :-)

Welll after a really difficult day I made it today to day 14.I was confronted every step but came close but did not fall,B:HI actually tried for hours to fall but Hashem protected me and i was successful!!!!!each hour was trouble and hard,but I just cold not find a way to fail,B"H!!!