i want to refresh my thread i havent posted here in a little while
i just fell after being clean for seven weeks, before that i was pretty much on and off a whole year not going more then 2 weeks clean at a time, i had lost my will to fight, wasn't very into p or mast, but was very lax in shmiras einaim and basically looking for trouble. however over the last weeks i realized that i could do it and with the extra effort i could keep clean for longer periods, (not even having pas besalo for over five weeks). if i fall i worry about it then but as long as i could keep clean go for it. basically what im trying to say is, i have little success in succeeding once i get a lust attack, but i"m not going to worry about that now, what i am going to worry about is doing everything right it shouldnt come to one, and if i push it off for a couple of weeks thats great
another point that i recently cleared up in my head is that i havent given up on lust, i still crave for it as my lifeline in the muttar or the asur way, whichever one is available, and as long thats the case, as long i still see it as a very important thing in my life i have little hope of getting out of this mess, so thats the bifg struggle cause i dont see myself ready for that big jump.
