Good luck. Maybe you want to share it with us?

Hatzlacha!

--Elyah

Hello friends I am so far 6 days clean B"H!!
What I am finding is that everyday you are clean it becomes easier to control your actions like masturbation,searching for erotic stuff etc. but much harder to mind your thoughts!
I have been having really bad thoughts much worse than when I masturbated regularly even though I am fighting extremely hard on the guard your eyes front. Obviously it is the Yetzer Harah trying to get to me because it is not me looking in the street and getting a lead to lust.

One thing I have in my ThaPHsic Shvua is if my Rebbe is not answering (he is quite busy) then I have to run up and down 10 flights of stairs to get a small knas. I did it last night and boy did it knock me out, I couldn't do anything even if I wanted I was so exhausted.

Bye for now JJ

It's great to hear that the system is working for you.

Keep it up!

Looks like you have figured out the secret--the main problem is what's in our heads. That's what we've got to deal with more than anything else. (And the best way to do that is to get out of our heads. Get in touch with reality and with those other people who ought to be important to us in our lives).

--Elyah

The last week I have started going to sleep much earlier than my "normal" time which was between one and two am!
That is keeping me with less time to surf and land in the wrong places but also giving me less time to read and post on GYE which is upsetting, but I can see it is worth it and worth it big time!!

Clean for over 7!! days (I am mainly working on the shemiras haeinayim and boy is it hard! but I keep on seeing AlexEliezer posting about it and giving me and others chizuk)

Bye for now JJ

jewish wrote on 17 May 2012 21:46:


Sounds like an "abnormal" time (but I've got the same problem).

Thanks for posting.

Hatzlacha,

Elyah

What a roller coaster two weeks!

I had a fall last week then got back to clean and today crashed again masturbating to porn twice within 1 hour (my ... was bleeding a bit from so much rubbing!!)

I had a THaPHsic shevua which really helped and I was taking really good care of my eyes for 13 days then I had one fall and now the second (and third) like a chain reaction.
The shavua helped but it was only for one week and I couldn't get myself to renew it (if you have any ideas on how to force myself to renew it I am more than happy to hear) then I had to get K9 taken off for a short while for a good reason and I went crashing like a blind driver! (I still haven't got K9 back on and the filter gabbai isn't answering. Does anyone know if anything happened to him?)

I also have become a bit slack in reading the handbook and posting in the forum which helps me a lot!

But after all of this I am a very jolly person who always fights back and never gives in, so keep on trucking and pick up the broken pieces and start rebuilding

Love you all JJ

Hi jew OK so now get up quickly and onto the truck

Keep on truckin'.

And keep on posting.

--Elyah

So now that I have K9 back on (I have nettzach to, but I think there is nothing like K9 because I haven't managed to crack it and nettzach I have!!) I'm feeling better and more secure.

But I still haven't made a new THaPHsic shavua yet. I am thinking of making a shavua that will be for a years time, that if I don't make a THaPHsic shavua then everyday that goes by I have to pay half of my small knas, that way I can live without a THaPHsic shavua but it will cost me a bit and push me on and make the real THaPHsic shavua. What do you guys think about that idea?

bye for now JJ

Why make things so complicated? Why don't you just go ahead and make your shavua?

--Elyah

Elya, on the day you wrote back "what is so hard just make the shavua" I didn't do it and now the problem is that I don't want to make the shavua because I am in "need" for a bit of porn (not to masturbate just porn :-)) and I don't want to pay the knas.

I have got this crazy urge to see a few undressed woman now! and I am sitting on the forum trying to keep myself busy until the urge goes away! (the "need" can go on by me for two to three hours unless I really get occupied by something else interesting)

Just daven for me Jewish Jew ben HASHEM!!!!!!

JJ

By the way I am on day 6 lets hope tomorrow I will on 7 and not 0 again :-[

Totally relate to the "need" you describe.
Before I discovered this site, I remember saying to myself that I need these things -- also, more visual than masturbation. But the masturbation usually happened after enough time viewing. Either way, it's all lust. Give it up to Hashem. Tell him you surrender your lust to Him, that you don't want to lust, you don't want this need, you don't want to look at these things, you just want to enjoy the permitted beauty of His world. Maybe go outside and exercise.

Hatzlocha! See you tomorrow.

Alex

Thanx Alex for your good words but I am sad to say that I will have to start my count again :-[ :'(
On my computer there is good filtering but I had access to a different one and I couldn't resist watching porn and I masturbated.

Oh Well right now I can't see the end of the tunnel but I am not ready just yet to give up and the reason is because I can see on myself that every clean streak makes me feel good (real deep goodness and not something artificial like after masturbating) and that is one of the main drives that is keeping me going.

What I think is that if I get a month clean then I will be storming to the finish line (which is 90 days to start then a lifetime) it is just extremely hard for me to crack that first two weeks you really feel that P+M is a must and without it you're a gonner

upset for now JJ

Part of guarding my mind is more obvious -- not to entertain fantasies or replaying of images.

The other part is a little more subtle. It's the feeling that I want (need) to act out now or soon. Just as it's important to deflect the fantasies and images, it's also important to deflect these thoughts that ultimately lead to acting out. Early interception is the key. Otherwise, these thoughts can be equivalent to lust, and once I'm sipping lust, it's only a matter of time until it's strong enough to demand a full meal.

How to deflect? Daven (see posts above)

Onward!