Hey, Im addicted to lust/movies/series/anything that lets me escape from real life. My problem for me today is that Im counting days. I feel this is counterproductive - so ill ask myself a few questions every time I catch myself counting:

1) Did I talk to HaShem about why Im worried/restless today?
2) Have I surrendered my right to lust/watch movies over to him for today?
3) Have I used the chance to help someone else today?
4) Did I hurt anyone today?


Seeing as this is the 90-days Wall - I probably should say that for ME specifically this is counterproductive. Im not trying to make a statement by putting it here There are hundreds of guys that "break free" with this very useful tool. Im just too much of a messed up guy - even this innocent tool turns on me... I encourage all having success with the 90 days to continue by ALL means!!!

Im not thinking straight today. Im worried about things beyond my control. Im thinking about triggering things instead of focusing on studying....

Its extremely hard to really live day by day. How do you guys do it?

It is extremely hard, and we can only do it if we are not the ones doing it. Pray for His intervention.

I'm with O'Mottel.
I actually say, in each Shma Koleinu, "please help me trust completely in You and know that everything You do is for the very best."
I also daven any time, as soon as anything that may be triggering happens, or happens by. It is this constant, active connection to Hashem that gets me through.

Thank-you for your replies! Today I had a good chance to do this - I helped someone today and felt like the king of the world (a common thing of me to do). It was the first time I asked for help to remove this feeling. It did wonders

For the last hours of this day - I hope I will be Helped to go to sleep. There are a few things that are troubling me - one of which is as far off as two months (exam). I feel im not efficient enough, that Im being side-tracked - that Ill disappoint my parents etc. I trust today I got sidetracked for a reason.

Good night!

Today is not a simple day - a bit lack of motivation combined with a thought: "Look how good IM managing this". Can someone give me a tip on how to avoid thinking "I did this!" ? Instead Id rather much more focus on the fact that G-D has given me everything - that I'm "just" the recipient.

You're asking for tips, and I feel very unqualified to give any. All I can talk about is my own experience.
For me, I know that as soon as I start feeling like I'm managing this great and I have it totally under control, I fall. I try to keep this end result in mind whenever I start feeling like I am invincible.
I hope that was helpful!

Youre right - that is exactly what Im afraid of. Perhaps I should just connect more with HaShem/other people when I start to think that.... perhaps its just another symptom of isolation!!

Hi Friend,
Whenever I want to reflect on my accomplishments in this area, I remind myself that no matter how hard I tried before, it always failed. And that the miracle that I am seeing with my staying sexually sober now, is only G-d's doing. That puts things into perspective for me.
I think you're right about connecting to others in this area: if a thought comes into your head that you feel will take you in the wrong direction, call a friend and discuss this thought with him. You'll both have a good laugh, because once verbalized, the absurdity of what I'm thinking about becomes apparent.
Hatzlocho,
Mottel

Hey - I used your advice today obormottel. My ego has grown exponentially recently and needs some serious deflating... Cant do it on my own though! So I wrote to a friend. I hope he can come skype today!

I crashed two weeks ago. It was so bad I just buried my head afterwards and kept on going without thinking on the why... im not sure if its wise to dwell on it now though. What would you say?

One of the promises of the program of recovery is " we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it". While we wait for this promise to materialize (and we wait by working the program), we can start living it now. I mean that in order to move forward you need not account for the past right away. We can stay sober today without thinking of what has been, and when the time for accounting comes we will deal with the past. Perhaps, tachanun is a good time for reflection and
Someone wrote on 20 May 2012 10:04:

But in between heartfelt tachanuns and kapitel 51s, we should be happy that we're staying sober now, and not worry, ch'v, about even such recent past as two weeks ago. Older than that - certainly not.
Cherish each day of staying sober as a gift from G-d Almighty. Not because I deserve it, but because He wants to give it to me.
It's matnas chinom. I shan't be an ingrate and show sadness, ch'v, which maybe (mis)interpreted that I'm not happy with my life NOW.
I shan't let my past bug me down now. That's the simplest I can put it. Although it will need to be addressed at some point.
I re-read this and it cheered me up. Thanks for letting me write it on your thread.
Mottel
P.S. Hatzlocho.