OK, I am starting 90 days again. I would never have thought that I am so weak. Anyway, here we go.

Today is day 0, I fell today. I am not depressed about it, because it was bound to happen for 2 weeks. I did not have the right attitude.

I have been getting chizzuk emails, but never reading them - I will read 1 chizzuk email a day going forward.

I have looked through the GYE handbook, but never actually read it through. I will now read 1 chapter a day.

I have been getting upset with my wife (for absolutely stupid reasons,  i.e. messy house, laundry, kids, etc.) - I will not get upset at my wife. BH in the 5-6 years that we've been married, I should only have gotten upset once or twice. Others were immature reactions. I will take my emotions under control. No more getting upset with wife and kids. Thank you Hashem for giving me such a  wonderful wife! I really did not deserve such a  good wife, but you, in your chessed sent her to me. Thank you!

I realize that my falls stem from a feeling of un-fulfillment in my life - I MUST do something about that. This is the hardest issue that I am dealing with right now. I need to find a way to make myself feel fulfillment in my life. I don't get that feeling from work, learning, or spending time with my friends or family. I enjoy each of these things (maybe excluding work), but they don't make me feel fulfilled. This is the number one cause / stumbling block that I am dealing with for a while. I don't know the answer...yet.

Today is day 0. I am not going to say that there are 90 days left and I'm not going to have a countdown. I don't need the garbage in my life anymore. I don't need it today anymore. Tomorrow...I will worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.

Hashem, please help me on this journey. I want to be close with you and I want to be an eved Hashem. Enough of this garbage, I can't deal with this. I don't want to fight it - you fight it! I am taking my hands off the steering wheel - Hashem, you take over!

I am glad that you are here ! this site contains many of the tools needed for success at this.  I read many posts and find them very usefull - instead of looking at schmutz I read the posts of our fellow travelers.  Then when its gets really bad and I want - I prostrate myself before Hashem - usually in my garden.  It seems drastic - but we are men that have lost our way.  Drastic measures are called for in my opinion.  Teshuvah.  The moderators and those with more time and learning than me will no doubt post salutory messages with the Handbook - there is a saying "one day at a time" and for some half a day at a time.  I wish you well and look forward to your postings.