i have never gone that long in so  many years i dont want to say and now as i am trying not to mess up i cant even go 7 days i only made it this long this week bec purim and shabbas should i try something more realistic ?

I also tried starting with the 90 days, I quickly realized that I must first concentrate on the basics. I think that the inner work [sometimes in areas not directly connected to the addiction] is the cake, flipping the neurons with 90 days is the icing. Post on the welcoming forum, ask the veterans where to start, and get rolling!
It's a big journey, have a safe trip, and I'll be in the rear view mirror watching.
MB

true, but 90 is a major pinnacle to hold on to

Agree - at the right time.

Aim for progress, not perfection.

I found the chart, for me, gave me an accurate picture--for the first time ever--of just how severe my problem was.

It helped me to take an honest look at myself, and to keep turning my recovery efforts up higher and higher, until I got a program of recovery that really works.  I kept adjusting, and after each fall I tried to think "what happened."  I may have kept on making mistakes, but I tried not to make the same mistake twice.  I got a lot of support and a lot of helpful insights from this forum.  Eventually I joined the Duvid Chaim 12-step phone conferences, and about 9 months ago I joined a live SA group (that's Sexaholics Anonymous, in case you didn't know that yet).

I am in a much healthier place now than ever before.  And a lot of it came about from being totally honest about just how severe my sickness had gotten.

Lots of luck to you,

Elyah

The champion of non counting is Dov.  My two cents is take it one day at a time, or in as little increments as you need.  Hashem, just for today, just till the light turns green, just till I get checked out at the grocery line, just till I can turn off this pritzus boulevard, just till I finish davening, etc

Hatzlocho

MT,
Welcome to the forum!
You sound serious about your commitment to stopping P & M.  But just keeping on doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result, isn't necessarily the best use of your energy.  If you've tried to stop many times before and failed, you probably fit the criteria for an addict.

I've always had tremendous self control over just about everything in my life but this.  Because for an addict, raw self control eventually fails.  But if you learn to re-direct your efforts, turning the battle over to Hashem, and avoiding sips of lust along the way, you can see success.  Start with extreme shmiras eynayim in all settings.  No women.  No part of them.  Not even their faces.

Next, guard your mind against lustful thoughts and fantasies.  As soon as you detect one coming, start davening for Hashem to take your lust.

This should jump-start your recovery and put you on solid ground toward real recovery.  But know that there's much more to recovery than just not acting out.  The next task is to work on yourself.  Work on those middos that were affected by years of lusting.  Study the 12 steps for more information on this.

Hatzlocha!
Alex

thanx all but its just that i cant get out of this cycle i cant get away from the tv, mags., computer ever night its the same thing, and its not that i watch tv or look at magazines its just knowing they are always around is a killer,, only when i dont sleep at home do i feel safe ,, but i cant always do that,, i can be sitting in my house learning n still i get attacked ,,, the craziest thing i realized is that the later at night it is the stronger the attacks come,, n unfortunately do to my work i am up very late most night in my house.. what do ppl use to replace lust , this desire is inhuman to fight

well, in order to maintain a healthy clean future, you will have to clean your house for any price, there is simply no other choice

MT,
You sound a little overwhelmed by what's available and "calling you" when you're home.  I understand.  That same stuff is all around me at work

You're going to commit to not looking at it.  You're not going to start.  They're simply poison.  This is your nisayon

Take it one day at a time.  One nisayon at a time.  One right decision at a time.

You may also try getting up very early for a shiur, or to exercise.  Shift your schedule so you're tired in the evening and going to bed early.

Focus on what you can do.  Daven often for Hashem to help you with every little aspect of your recovery.

Keep at it.  Make a commitment to do whatever it takes to AVOID lust.

Keep us posted.

thank u all!! i have hit ten days i dont honestly dont remember the last time i did that ,,, but now im a little scared because of that same reason

MT wrote on 15 Mar 2012 19:00:


Try this link, you might find it helpful:
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4870.msg130839#msg130839
(I used to just write this over and over again, but this way is easier)

--Elyah

MT means MAZEL TOV for the Tenth day!
You maed it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fear of success.  Fear of failure.
Just two of the numerous tricks of the Y"H.

Our answer is
                            one day at a time.

MT - don't be scared, like Alex said the battle is only one day at a time. Sometimes I feel that the most basic point of the nisayon is in this itself, the Y"H wants us to look at the our taava with to big of a perspective, he knows that then he'll for sure win 'cause in the big picture we by ourselves are truly hopeless . Our work is to chop him up to little slices and eat him one piece at a time - ראה נתתי לפניכם היום. Maybe we'll have a fall and a piece or two will be lost, but the rest of the pie is left - no need to worry.

It sounds easy, but to really live it is hard, I am presently working hard on this for my recovery. I have so many ideas to help live in the present, tefilla and bitachon and more. It can get complicated, but then I remind myself to keep things simple, after all thats the whole idea I'm working on.
Hatzlochoh!