Hello Wall of Honor.
I'm really new to this forum and GYE  in general, the main thing i want to say is that the idea of 90 days sounds really exiting. its a set amount of time to be "kovea" a new habit in my nature, after that the struggle be"h will be different. The yesod maybe can also be based on what R' Yonah writes (shaarai teshuva 1, 11) that one who is set in a habit of an averoh must first do עזיבת החטא and only after is חרטה. Perhaps this is a basis for the "Breaking Away" from the addiction for 90 days (which makes a new הרגל like it says in the handbook), the first step for us is to leave the cycal of the phisical transgression behind us, only after do we fix the inner damage. I don't really know from experience, in 7 years iv'e never made it to 90 (although several years ago i was once clean for over to months, and the actual idea of the 90 day journey kept me clean for 25 days), but this is what i feel in the meantime.
I have a question for the oilum. how do i internalize the idea of "one day at a time"? On the one hand i need to live and feel that i have completely detached myself from the lust, other wise i'm being scared of him and thats an open invitation for him to return. But on the other hand lets be real, the yetzer might catch me, he's done it before and he may ח"ו succeed in doing it again. Am i free or not? obviosly, the time this question really gets me is after a fall when i'm weak, after a good streak of a week or two i can feel stronger than him.
I hope soon to have my name on the 90 day list, in the meantime i'm having some technical difficulties ( i don't really know how to use a computer too well). I really want to hear what the chevrah taayna, i cant wait to really connect to others in this whole thing.
Mifatfait Biyitzro

Mifatfait,

I think the answer lies in the difference between abandoning a chet in the normal sense, vs. recovering from an addiction.  If you're "just" doing teshuva, it may be helpful to say "I'll never do it again.  Not today, not tomorrow, not next month, never."

With addiction, this same thinking will backfire.  It's just too unrealistic.  Too intimidating.  Too presumptuous.  Because recovery isn't teshuva.  It's a day-to-day, sometimes moment-to-moment gift from Hashem.  Teshuva comes from me, from my willpower.

Recovery comes from Hashem.  Your only hishtadlus is to turn the battle, turn your will, over to Him.  When you detect the desire to act out, give up that will to Hashem.  Tell him you don't want it.  Not that you don't want to do the thing.  You don't want to want it.  Rather, you humbly pray that His will becomes yours, that you replace your diseased will with His.  That happens one day at a time.

In reality, all of life happens one day at a time.  This is one of the greatest lessons I learned in recovery.  I am grateful to know it.

Have a wonderful journey,
Alex

Hey Mifatfait,

For me, internalizing the "one day at a time" principle is an ongoing endeavor that I believe gets stronger and stronger as one lives that principle.
I think that living it means not dwelling on past or future more than necessary. The past and future hold very limited value to us, yet we spend so much time in memories of the past and hope for/fear of the future. "One day at a time" is really not so accurate. It should really be "one moment at a time" or simply "now".
Redirecting our consciousness to the present is a very, very hard thing to do and it takes practice. So start NOW!

Welcome again, it's nice to have another member in the family

KH

Thank you so much alex and kidushashem. Difference between recovery and teshuvah, and a growing experience, to keep things in the simple present.
I'll tell you, the last week has been really tough - the hard falls after a really good streak, i really have to be mechazek in this point, every day and every minute clean is a gem.
i was thinking of a source for this idea. יצרו של אדם מתגבר עליו בכל יום ומבקש המיתו ואלמלא הקב"ה עוזר לו לא יכול לו. This happens "בכל יום", every day he tries again and would succeed until again Hashem saves us. So only for today do I already have Hashem's protection from the yetzer thats stronger than me, until he tries again tommorow I haven't yet been saved from him. It's the same cycle every day, he tries to get me and is really stronger, i have to connect to the סייעתא דשמיא again and again. Sounds easy? Its not.

Great insights.

It's not easy.  This is probably the hardest thing any of us will ever do.  I will say this, though.  The guys who don't fall have learned a secret.  Recovery requires full commitment.  You're either in recovery or you're not.  No half measures.  No cheating.  No sneaking a sip here and there.

That makes is so much easier.  When you've made the decision to go all the way.  All the way is easier than anything less.  Much easier.

Nu?  Get your tochus back in here and start posting.  No matter what.  We've all fallen, most of us many many times.  No shame.  No blame.  Just the support you need.  so keep posting, ok?

In other words, hang in there.

Hello 1daat,
I didn't fall, I was just taking things one step at a  time in a valiant attempt to live one day at a time. I posted about htis in the introdusing section. But thanks for the chizuk, it made me feel real good.

Ten Days.
I know I might not make it to 90, but I don't care.
All I am living with is today, trying my best to be a true Eved Hashem. Tommorow is a new day with new struggles, can't know what will be. Even if I fall, which may very well happen sometime 'cause I'm an addict, that will just mean the loss of one precious day (or hour), but right after will be a new present of life to live in the present.
I hope I will always feel deep down all these things I'm writing, last night was hard but B"H with these ideas I pulled through sasfely, I will try my best tonight too.

I dropped the 90 day thing a while ago because it was interfering with my "one day at a time".
On that note I want to report a milestone antithetical to the purpose of this forum:
The first time that I don't remember the last time I fell. It was a few weeks ago, but I didn't give it much note, because immediately afterward was a new day with a new purpose and mission, only the present is what Iv'e really got. So I simply forgot.
Hope one day to report 90 days clean, but for now I'm happier to limit myself as much as possible to the "present perfect". I know in essence there is know contradiction, but at my point in the game....

Hi MB,

I can relate to that. When I discovered GYE I immediately got on the chart and B"H worked my way up to 168 days. When that ended, I realized that I need to put more effort in avoiding all sorts of lust at all times, and the only way would be by focusing on the current day, or moment, or situation. I learned from reading other people's stories that many of those who have been successful for long periods have said that they never counted - they just simply do it 'every day' one day at a time.

With best wishes for success - hayom - uvchol yom vayom,

MT

"they just simply do it every day - one day at a time"
I like that line, in Loshon Hakodesh the word "כל" means "any" and "every", to be Toradik completely clean means that "any" - one - day I try my best, "every day".

Mefatfait - I completely agree with you! I have always had trouble with the counting. It makes it seem like - "Ah, someday it will become better!" Whereas the only thing that actually matters is the day right now...

Doesn't change the neurological importance of 90 days though