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To sobriety and beyond!

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: To sobriety and beyond! 31789 Views

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 10 Jun 2012 18:06 #139193

obormottel OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1440 Karma: 6	And Isaac S. For ninety days! This place is rocking!
	Baby steps. If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas! Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 12 Jun 2012 20:31 #139342

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	obormottel wrote on 10 Jun 2012 06:26: I love this GYE PLACE. Gibbor is celebrating 3 year anniversary, Elyah - one year sober, and UAJ two. It makes me very happy. Those are all great guys, and the track record is thanks to their hard work. uh... and my wife finding out and having to go through all that crying etc again if I mess up. That has something to do with it too .
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 12 Jun 2012 21:22 #139345

obormottel
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gibbor120 wrote on 12 Jun 2012 20:31:

I love this GYE PLACE.
Gibbor is celebrating 3 year anniversary, Elyah - one year sober, and UAJ two.
It makes me very happy. Those are all great guys, and the track record is thanks to their hard work.

uh... and my wife finding out and having to go through all that crying etc again if I mess up. That has something to do with it too

Well, that's hard work. KIU!

Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 18 Jun 2012 05:49 #139677

1daat
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Hi OB, thanks for the post and brochos. Summer is such a pain. It should just be cancelled and be done with it. Here's a bright spot: A palates class has been scheduled in my office building, the same time I arrive at work. I almost fell into the flower into the flower bed trying to keep my eyes down.

I don't kn ow what happened to the entitlement to fantasy thing, but I don't seem to do it so much. But I can relate. It's that same pulling myself away from something I love. Doesn't matter if it's a look, or food or reading the funnies instead of davening on time. It's all pretty much the same for me. "I won't and you can't make me". "OK," He says. "So I won't make you. Now you'll have to make yourself stop by yourself." "I can't stop. I've tried, Tatteh, I can't stop". "OK", He says, "So now will you let ME make you?"

What's all this talk about nuts? And is Edge un-banned?

kol Hakovod

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 18 Jun 2012 15:13 #139701

obormottel OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1440 Karma: 6	Yep, I live on a street with a yoga studio and casting agency. Used to love staring out the window...I guess I still would love it... Thanks for checking in... M.
	Baby steps. If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas! Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 18 Jun 2012 17:12 #139706

ImGonnaWin OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 75 Karma: 0	I owe you a few calls. Do not let me get away without making them!

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 18 Jun 2012 18:25 #139710

obormottel OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1440 Karma: 6	You better call me, young man! > > > > is this good enough?
	Baby steps. If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas! Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 18 Jun 2012 21:38 #139722

obormottel
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Cross-reference, because it's so precious. Elyah must have put a ton of work into it, the least we (the beneficiaries) can do, is to put it in action and send it down the grapevine.
Eye.nonymous wrote on 17 Jun 2012 14:04:

ADDITIONAL TOOLS FOR RECOVERY

IMPROVE RELATION WITH SELF

EMERGENCY TOOLS
1. Short prayer, "I'm powerless, please G-d help me!"
2. Move somewhere else. (Get away from the trigger!)
3. Pick up litter.
4. Sing (or hum) a favorite tune. Or listen to music.
5. Call someone from the program or the forum NOW. (Or post)
5. Get to a meeting AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. (Get to the forum)
6. When you're angry: Ask yourself, "What am I ashamed of right now?"

HAVING A PROGRAM
7. Participate in the fellowship of the program.
8. Take the Step Zero questionnaire.
9. Admit complete defeat.
10. Answer the 20 Questions found in the White Book ( pg 8 ).
11. Get a sponsor.
12. Treat your sponsor's suggestions as orders.
13. Work the steps (all 12 of them!).
14. Have a daily program (but not one's own).
15. Read the "Just for Today" card every morning.
16. Live in the solution (and not in the problem).

MEETINGS
17. Don’t lust, and go to meetings.
18. Home group.
19. 90 meetings in 90 days (temporary measure).
20. Start a meeting.
21. Take on a commitment.
22. 5 meetings a week (regular program).
23. Telephone meetings.
24. SA Net.
25. Step 1 meetings.
26. Check meetings.

BASIC SELF CARE
27. Zero tolerance for lust.
28. Avoid all known triggers--people, places, and things.
29. Abstain from all mood-altering chemicals.
30. Avoid emotion-rocking activities.
31. Abstain from sugars and white flour.
32. Write a Pornography-free certificate.
33. Dump sexualized clothing.
34. Know clearly: What is sex with self?
35. Find yourself clean forms of entertainment.
36. TV and Movie abstinence.
37. Ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?"
38. Early to bed, early to rise...
H.A.L.T. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)
39. Keep phone beside bed.
40. International phone numbers.
41. Healthy food
42. Moderate exercise
43. Accountability or filtration software

INTENSE EGO DEFLATION
44. Get out of self
45. Practice rigorous honesty
46. Talk in detail to sponsor
47. What am I not telling my sponsor?
48. Over my dead body
49. Am I done with lust?
50. Am I in or out of SA (GYE)?
51. Openness
52. Ask for feedback
53. Ask for reality checks
54. Willingness
55. Do what I don’t want to do
56. Clean the toilet
57. Pray out loud
58. Litany of Humility

ON THE STREET
59. Take a different road to avoid triggers.
60. The SA (or GYE) salute.
61. Custody of the eyes.
62. Paving stones and rooftops.
63. Flick your eyes to the top left.
64. Shake your head.
65. Snap the elastic band.
66. Don't breath through your nose.
67. "G-d, may I find in You what I'm looking for in that woman (etc.)"
68. "G-d, take away my lust. I pray for her (etc.)."
69. "G-d, please take away this image (or fantasy)"
70. Bookend risky situations.

DECISION MAKING
71. What's my next right action?
72. Rushing is not sober.
73. What would my sponsor do?
74. What would my sponsor say?
75. Take an action of love.
76. If I can't reach my sponsor, the answer is "no."
77. If in doubt, leave it out.
78. Always have a plan, and use it.

GOOD ATTITUDES
79. Abstinence from lust is the most important thing in my life without exception.
80. All hits are toxic; I refuse them.
81. I won't act out--no matter what.
82. It's none of my business.
83. Who I am is none of my business.
84. Bring reality into situations.
85. No one is flirting with me.
86. No one is lusting after me.
87. This is not a sexual situation.
88. Only a sick person would respond to my lustful advances.
89. Sex is only a small part of any real relationship.
90. Clean and Sober.
91. Attitude of gratitude.
92. Easy does it.
93. One day at a time.
94. Keep it simple.
95. This too, shall pass.
96. Three thinks is the limit.
97. Let go and let G-d.
98. First things first.
99. Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.

THINGS TO REMEMBER
100. The pain and the loss.
101. My addict never sleeps.
102. My addict lies.
103. I am not smarter than my addict.
104. Run the movie through to the end.
105. The joy of recovery.
106. If I take an action, my feelings will follow.
107. Keep learning about recovery.

IMPROVE RELATION WITH G-D

SURRENDER, PRAYER, AND MEDITATION
108. Surrender in every moment
109. Meditate on the Serenity Prayer
110. Select 12-step prayers
111. Daily quiet time
112. Invite G-d in
113. G-d’s will discernment tool
114. Envision the presence of G-d
115. Examine old ideas about G-d
116. Came… Came to… Came to believe

MAINTAIN A FIT SPIRITUAL CONDITION
117. Pray every morning and every evening
118. Read SA and AA literature
119. Write fear lists
120. Maintain a gratitude list
121. Restart your day anytime with the Serenity Prayer
122. Daily sobriety renewal
123. Contact your sponsor regularly
124. Take Good Orderly Directions
125. Make a written 10th step
126. Write about what’s bothering you

ENLARGE ONE'S SPIRITUAL LIFE
127. Attend a religious service at least once a week
128. Move from fear to love
129. Listen to the Joe and Charlie AA workshop
130. Keep a diary
131. Read spiritual literature

IMPROVE RELATIONS WITH OTHERS

FORGIVENESS AND AMENDS
132. Forgive them all (step 8.5)
133. "I was wrong when..."
134. Who do I least want to meet today?
135. Traffic Sobriety.
136. Do whatever your sponsee refuses to do.
137. Rescuer, Victim, Abuser
138. Pray together

FRIENDSHIPS
139. Work with another SA (or GYE person)
140. Stick with the winners
141. Stay in the present
142. What you think and what you feel and what you do...
143. Put the welfare of others first

SERVICE
144. How are you?
145. How can I be of service?
146. Always say "yes" to SA (or GYE) requests
147. Take on a service commitment
148. Sponsor others
149. Buddy list
150. Rotate out in good time

CARRYING THE MESSAGE
151. Call two newcomers every day
152. Share your experience, strength, and hope
153. Give your sobriety date
154. Quit preaching - tell them about the illness
155. Find your own Dr. Bob
156. Laugh

MISCELLANEOUS
157. Twelve steps to insanity
158. The pre-recovery promises
159. Hang out with your own gender
160. Write yourself a letter (and reply)
161. Slogans of recovery
162. Prayer: G-d, please help me have a positive sobriety.
163. Prayer: G-d, please help me see straight.
164. Increase your awareness of your perceptions and motives.
165. Talk, feel, trust
166. The Ramban's letter
167. Torah
168. Is this good for my recovery or not?
169. Whatever I place my recovery in front of will flourish; whatever I place in front of my recovery won't.
170. Humility, Fearlessness, Honesty
171. Watch out for RID (Restlessness, Irritability, Discontent).
172. BYOB (Bring Your Own Book)
173. Write your old ideas
174. SA and recovery audio recordings
175. Back to Basics
176. Big Book on Audio
177. Al-Anon prayer

Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 24 Jun 2012 19:36 #140062

ImGonnaWin OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 75 Karma: 0	That's good. Now you've just got to be there when I call!

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 24 Jun 2012 19:52 #140064

Dov OFFLINE Administrator Posts: 1960 Karma: 383	ImGonnaWin wrote on 18 Jun 2012 17:12: I owe you a few calls. Do not let me get away without making them! Pardon me but exactly who is responsible for who's recovery here?
	"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 28 Jun 2012 00:42 #140427

obormottel
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I think somewhere in the holy books (maybe Rambam) it says that you know that you actually have done tshuvo is when the same situation arises, you withstand the temptation this time. I'm sure Machshova Tova can find the chapter and verse and the exact loshoin, in fact I would be grateful if you did...
But here is a personal story from today.
I was in a check out line, and when my turn came, this pretty black girl behind the counter said: "Wow, you have beautiful eyes!"
Many, many years ago, I was in a check out line in a different store, in a different city.
When it was my turn to pay, a young and pretty girl behind the cash register said:"Wow, you have beautiful eyes!".
Both times, I said "Thank you" and modestly lowered my gaze. The difference was, however, that in that old story, my mind immediately started racing and spew out mad thoughts like "She's into me, she's making a move on me, I should ask her out, I gotta find out when her shift is over, and take her to a movie, and then have sex with her".
Why, with me being away from wife and kids in a strange town and having the whole evening to myself, it seemed like a really sound idea.
I paid and left the store, but the fantasy stayed with me for a very long time (so much so that I remember it today) and for the longest time I was beating myself up for not asking her out and missing out on an opportunity. I would often fantasize and act out with myself with the above scenario playing in my head.
Today, after acknowledging the compliment, I turned my head away, without further contemplation. When the de'javu became apparent to me, I prayed for that woman to have a peaceful day, free of either emotianal or physical injury. And I asked Hashem to help me find in Him whatever I would have been looking for in her.
And then I remembered the Rambam....
I surrendered my thoughts this time and followed through on my willingness to not fantasize, and I think I redeemed those demons I created when I have been obsessing over an innocent compliment many years ago.
Any thoughts? (Other than the obvious, that I may indeed have beautiful eyes....ooops, I said too much, now you know who I am...darn it!)
Mottel (the one with the eyes)

Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 28 Jun 2012 12:50 #140471

Blind Beggar OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Not a sexaholic, just trying to be good. Posts: 780 Karma: 12	What a great post! I can relate to your fantasy trips very well. Hashem has sent you a message to show you are doing well. That doesn't happen every day.
	The Blind Beggar is a character in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Seven Beggars. If I view a woman as an object, I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look. I can guard my eyes. I want to guard my eyes. I do guard my eyes. Why do I say these four lines?

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 28 Jun 2012 13:53 #140481

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	I can relate to the rerun of fantasies over and over. In real life, she slaps you in the face and calls you some names I can't write here. Thanks for sharing the story.
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 28 Jun 2012 14:52 #140496

Machshovo Tova
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obormottel wrote on 28 Jun 2012 00:42:

The source is Gemara Yoma 86b:

היכי דמי בעל תשובה אמר רב יהודה כגון שבאת לידו דבר עבירה פעם ראשונה ושניה וניצל הימנה מחוי רב יהודה באותה אשה באותו פרק באותו מקום

It is also in Rambam Hilchos Teshuva 2:1.

Anyhow, your story is awesome, and an inspiration for all of us. Keep it up - for your sake and ours!

MT

obormottel wrote on 28 Jun 2012 00:42:

Mottel (the one with the eyes)

I thought Elyah was the one with the eye (Or is he the one-eyed?).

MT

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 28 Jun 2012 15:31 #140501

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	obormottel wrote on 28 Jun 2012 00:42: Mottel (the one with the eyes) You mean Mottel (the one with his eyes closed) .
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