obormottel wrote on 04 Feb 2012 00:03:

hmmm. smells gooood.

What's on the menu in honor of 6 months & 3 days?

EVERY day is worthy of celebration!!!!!

True enough. Ill get over to the kitchen and cook sompin up...

something patriotic gigantic, please

MAZAL TOV MOTTEL!  Wishing you many more grilled tuna steaks.  When you grill some beef steaks, invite me over - K?

So I got another 6-month chip at a different meeting yesterday and gave GYE partial credit for the accomplishment. On to day 189 and beyond, please G-d!
I wrote something, and I am curious what you think about it. After you read it and had a chance to comment, I'll tell what this piece was supposed to be and why it didn't become "it".
So here goes:

There comes a time in one’s life when you are hit with realization that up until this point you’ve been doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting a different result. The primary motive for this insane behavior is the out-of-control habit that draws a person to repeat destructive actions without regard for neither immediate nor far-reaching consequences. In the language of Chassidic philosophy this phenomena is known as “being possessed by one’s heart” as opposed to one’s mind.
Arguably, being possessed by anything is a scary proposition. How much more so by one’s heart, an organ responsible for feelings, for emotions, for desires. When intellect plays no role in one’s decision making, it is a truly pitiful state, a state of powerlessness when it comes to making a choice based on reason and experience. A heart is incapable of learning from experience. It loves what it loves, and it wants what it wants no matter how many times you, the owner of this heart, have been thrown down hard, hurt and humiliated, unable to attain this all-consuming desire. In fact,it is often the case that one’s inability to obtain the object of one’s desires only makes the heart to yearn for it so much more.
In my case of uncontrollable lusting, I had to come to a sobering realization that I no longer had a freedom of choice when it came to deciding between a lustful behavior, with all its disastrous consequences, and one that is balanced and sound. No matter the conscience, the religious conviction, or better judgment and common sense, I would always end up taking my heart’s side. I no longer was a “baal bechira”, able to choose right from wrong, a master of my own destiny. My life was dictated by a force, which, even though it originated within me, was truly out of my reach for any kind of modification. I lost my freedom of choice.
Even when praying, my mind would wander to lustful thoughts.Lust was the only thing that motivated me, and I became unable to connect to G-d on my own. I had no choice in the matter. I lost the permission from the Master of All Desires to decide on a course of action.
I can only get it back by allowing G-d back into my life.There has to be room for G-d in my religious observance. And -- I must do His Will through every day living, by not taking my heart’s lead when it comes to daily affairs. But I can only open the door for Him. G-d will take the next step and enter, I’m sure.
As it says: Open up for him as an eye of a needle and He will open for you as Gates of a Great Hall. I must ask Him to do it. I must remember though, that the only reason I am allowed to even call out to G-d,despite my lowly status and insanity-driven behavior, is because He lets Himself be asked to restore me to sanity. 

Wow, no one's got anything to say about this? This piece of writing must really suck then ...
and that's exactly what my sponsor told me when I tried to present him with this as my Step 2 ("We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity").
He totally shot it down and sent me back to start over.
So there...
Thanks for your input anyways... :-\

Mottel, I think there are lots of beautiful and true things in your failed step 2.
How come your sponsor did knock it down? (The only thing I could think of is that you didn't write all that much about how G-D can get you out of your predicament, only a few lines).

It's a nice step one, and a nice step three. But there is no 'beef patty' of step two between them.

Nuuuu?! Do I have to pull it out of you like a rotten tooth?

Maybe. Who's the one with the toothache, here?

I don't get the writing of the second step. Spell out the beef patty recipe, if u would. I spent an hour with my sponsor on it (after he was done knocking on the piece of wisdom I concocted above), and I had one or two "aha" moments, but I still don't get the assignment.

Hi OM,  don't worry, I think I failed my 2nd step also.  Dov says it's about who we make our higher power, and who we give power to.  If we act differently around attractive women, we have given them power over us.  If we feel nervous being shliyach tzibur, the tzibur has power over us.  It's about what we allow to control us.  Dov- please step in and correct me if I am butchering what you said.

I'll just make one observation about your post.  Your writing is usually so full of life, it has passion, spice, and some edge to it.  That's why I like it.  What you posted is as dry as day old flaxseed bread .  It sounded like a drasha (one I fell asleep in).  I don't feel your personality coming through in it at all.  That may all be irrelevant, but that's how I felt when I read it. 

Have a great shabbos!

I look forward to reading some more great posts!

Here's a good dov quote about giving them power www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4695.msg129523#msg129523 .

Flaxseed is good for us, they say.

First, get the word "you" out of your writing as much as possible. It's hard, but the straw man we create needs to be replaced by ourselves as much as possible. It's not a sefer we are writing, but an expose' and honest account just for ourselves. "No one will ever read this." I need to remember that. Then go on from there.

These are questions addressed specifically to you:

I don't know your particular lusting stuff, but do you worship these people's bodies images, or not? Do you see power and salvation of some kind in taking in the images or fantasies or words or sounds that you for so many years have been automatically chasing? Do you put your hope and trust in them, or not? If you keep coming back for more, feel in your gut that you need them, are drawn to them over and over...what does that really mean about your gut? Plain and simple. Something to think about.

Step two is not about G-d, at first. Its is first and formost about our screwed up real god. The ones we really turn to when the going gets tough. It is certainly not the G-d of the Bible, if you are a sex addict.

How does that sit with you? Can you write a bit on that just for yourself and not even for your sponsor? Please do not post it, either. It's gotta be just for you, like all program journaling.

Hatzlocha!!