wow, that just shows how Hashem orchestrated things that you should see this again when you are ready for it!

HUG!!

Hi everyone!

I'm still around - I just been a litte distracted. I also been ill to the extent I've been hospitalized. But, B"H I feel much better.

Wow, look at this buzz - I wish I could apply the things I can scribble so easyily

NU - anyway, back from the shrink....hmmm...

Yikes, could it have been all the red bull?

Hey...I haven't really posted here, but I'm glad i decided to drop in - I hope you're feelign completely better. If not, have a refu'ah sheleimah - please!

And have a great shabbos.

Rage ATM wrote on 08 Jan 2010 04:18:
Hey rage i didnt know you speak chinese?? Oh well i guess im just the new kid on the block and have no idea whats shooting i mean flying!

It's been a while...I've been doing a lot of thinking.

About fairytales...you know, happily ever after....

I've been thinking. Wondering. Pondering. Smiling.

Fantasy...apparently.... fantasy... it's when reality starts to smile at you... so often we learn to reject fantasy because heck reality is all we got. But...the fantasy remains. It's that irrating school of therapy called CBT.

When you realize that here...is exactly where we need to be. The finest and truest...

Forgive me...but there's someone I need to speak to about this...

K- NESH!!!!!!!!! YOUR BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And who might that be, may i ask??

Hi everyone. Time for a little chesbon hanefesh.

I have been fighting this thing since tisha b'av. av, elul, tishrey, marcheshvan, kislev, teves, shevat - seven months. A while.

It won't go away.

Originally I was dealing with a daily habit - now, I feel clean, and even seren sometimes. But falls creep up on me; I've been averaging about ten days. and everytime I feel like I have it beat.

I'm going through therapy, which has helped my overall life incredibly, my marriage has improved tremendously. My learning - frankly, I've always been successful, but I've kind of brained my way through it. Suddenly, hasmadah, consistency, complexity, planning. I've learned - or am learning - how to genuinely give to my wife. How to truly, truly, focus on another human being.

But it won't go away.


I have deepseated issues; abuse combined with an overactive brain has made my case file rather thick and complex ( and made me crack another therapist - like, craaaack -  not the one i'm seeing ). I fell again today. Nine days. Gotta love standard deviation.

I feel like giving up. My bank account is negative from all this therapy, and I feel like...I know it's not true. It's the best money I've spent, and I am a new person. I just...need this out of my life. out out out.

And I know what my mistake has been. I haven't honest about what falling is, I think. Which means I haven't totally given it up. :::sigh::: you walk, you stand...you sit. Ashrey me shelo halach...

My therapist still has some neat tricks up his sleeve, and feels that we have plenty to do - and heck, I've progressed. But why can't I just cruise to ninety like so many others? ach....

DC is starting soon. Hopefully I'll be able to join. :::sigh:::

CAN I CALL U TATEHLEH?

TATELEH WHO SAID IT WILL BE EASY?

WHO SAID UR MODEL TRUCK HAS CRUISE CONTROL IN IT?

MAYBE U R MEANT TO FIGHT TILL MOSHIACH COMES

WHO PROMISED IT WILL GET EASIER

WHO NEEDS EASIER

EVERY "DOR" HAS ITS NISYONOS

OURS IS UNLEASHED FILTH

MY GRANDPARENTS SURVIVED DEATH CAMPS AND BEATINGS AND STARVATION

HEY THEY STILL MANAGED TO LOOK HAPPY EVERY SINGLE DAY

WE ARE SPOILED

YES WE ARE

I AM FOR SURE

WE WANT IT ALL

(SECRETLY WE LOVE OUR TAAVOS TOO ,JUST WE CAN'T HANDLE THEM)

KANESHER

ALL WE CAN DO

IS BE STRONG IN EMUNAH

REALIZE IT'S HASHEMSMS PLAN

AND DO SOMETING PRO-ACTIVE

AND KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!
B

Dov says that the day he starts to think he has it beat, he's dead.

Hey Kanesh,

I hear you man.
Sounds like you know what's what, though.
The nagging feeling of wanting to be done with all this,
understanding where you're standing or sitting or whatever.

Well, no giving in to the voice of giving in...
keep on flying!!!

Sturggle
P.S. When are we going to see you here in the Aretz at a kumzitz?

What beautiful insight you have about yourself...Hashem is there with you, All of your loving friends from the forum are with you, your wife is ther for you...You can't let that dark side of yourself beat yourself up. You will be succesful at this fight of yours....Overcoming this battle is probably the reason you were created. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do but you are doing it and have had (if you'll be honest) much success already. You will continue to have more and more succes.

humanbeing is right,

It is brought down in the sefer Menucha V'kedusha written by a talmid of R' Chaim Volozhiner, that even a person who sins his whole life can still be considered a Tzaddik, as long as he never gives up and always continues to fight. We like to think of success in terms of results.  But Hashem looks at our efforts, not at the results.

Wow guard. i just bought that sefer. Cant wait till i see that!!

Hey K-nesh!! A loving brother here. My heart goes out for you. But look back at what you wrote!! All the progress your making. Doesnt this count?? So your still falling! And others are having it easier! So what?!? As long as your doing yours and t seems like your doing alot!!

Hatzlacha and have a great shabbos!