Wow - I  wish I could say I was surprised by that letter, but that viewpoint is all too common. But it is worthwhile for that comically worthless letter to be published just to see Rav Twerski's amazing answer. Notice how he puts the letter-writer in his place so  politely yet firmly in his concluding paragraph - in essence saying " you have no idea of the real issues at hand but feel free to continue spouting your nonsense- just let us do our job."

Rage ATM wrote on 12 Nov 2009 16:39:


What I mean is, is that the guys who are in denial are the ones who let it continue.

And, BTW that's why what I'm nominating you for DA...

I will express this in the mildest terms that I can

the author of that pathetic letter is out of touch with reality.

completely out of touch with the Torah 

The author's Daas Torah is a figment of his warped imagination

I've heard this bull of callling life saving  TORAH advice "anti-torah" very often

and as Rav Twersky (who's self control in this article is amazing) writes "If you wish to believe that there are no problems of alcohol,drugs,gambling or internet among yeshiva students and frum people,you may do so" 

that a nice way of saying you choose hell,you are welcome to go there.

I do not envy the day he wakes up to reality,when his "daas torah" starts crumbling around him,don't wake him up when his daughter starts sleeping around,let him sleep when his son jumps off a bridge because this Rebbi convinced him that he is a piece of trash that will never be anything,and don't cry when your grandson,a true talmid chacham will spit at you in your face for refusing to get help for his mother when she needed it the most,because you were in this damn denial state all your life.

and I apologize for not writing more forcefully

because morgues will fast fill up with precious Yidin--- if this author's line of thinking prevails 

Ok. Number four, soon five. Taking it easy. Moving with the ipod thing. I've found meditating to be effective. Just taking it easy. Slow. One day. Just one hour.

And I've gotten angrier at this thing. Which is good, because it means I'm finally letting the philosophical side of it die; I'm to see clearly good and bad again, instead of wondering if I want to struggle. I feel like it not part of me anymore, but some nasty soul sucking blob - think Metroid (am I dating myself? I'm pretty it you freeze it and then fire five missiles at it...).
I can't even verbalize what changed, but it's clearer, the deeper good and pleasure of life versus the transient and ever so attractive, yet shallow and ultimately destructive.

kanesher wrote on 15 Nov 2009 13:24:


So glad you are starting to defrost from the long chill.
Like a long buried seed starting to sprout after the winter freeze.

Gee, this counting thing isn't going so well. Made it a week, fell. And another week. And another fall.

I've been trying to focus on life - and things have gotten much better. once a week is better then daily.

My marriage, my learning - has improved tremendously. But this stupid demon isn't dead yet. DIE DIE DIE. Guard recently wrong about the counting approach vs r' shraga, and looks like I'm going to have to take the second approach. My therapist feels that the I never worked out my abuse issues, combined with my wife's own issues created a cauldron for this stuff. So he wants to focus on life, and ultimately the good ole "healing the inner wounded child". I feel much better because of the therapy - but I so want to be free of this! Yes, I know, more control...

We're with you Kanesher
and wish you all the bracha in the world
to once and for all
bury the beast
and embrace the child

YOU ARE SOMEBODY SPECIAL!!!

kanesher wrote on 02 Dec 2009 20:45:


this is something new?
what did i miss?
jk guard.u know i love you

There is Only The Melody

By "Kanesher"


Yesterday we brought a beautiful post from Dov under the title: A 'Paradigm Shift' in Thinking. In a beautiful post, "Kanesher" explains how he understands this "Paradigm Shift" that we addicts often need to under-go in order to recover. "Kanesher" writes:

The question is always the "self". "I" fight for Hashem. "I" do for you. "I" had a bad day. The reference point of my existence - is me. I feel my self-identity very deeply. And the paradox is, that when I hold onto to the self, I do not truly have it.

You see, it could be that we truly did - and do - for others, and even for Hashem. But our reference point is always our own self.

We over-focus on what the 'self' should be doing; what Hashem wants of it; what our wives / husbands / children / Rebbeim, and even GOD(!) want it to be. And when we feel that we are not fulfilling those perceived requirements to others, the VOID IN THE SELF IS HUGE! The 'self' begs to be medicated! FILL THE SELF! Because we focus on the self so much, and deem it empty.

We need to realize that the self just is. That is what is meant by "living for God". Not what "I" should be doing. What does the "I" have to do with it?

R' Aharon Kotler once said - I would jump in Hell itself to understand this Rashba. He didn't care for the self, the self wasn't suppose to learn the Rashba, the Rashba was to be learned!

We need to learn not do for others because we should be doing for others. But to purely do for others - empty of pretense, of desire, of hope, of SELF... And that is the deepest expression of the true self.

This is so essential in any healthy relationship. We should not be in a relationship with anyone "BECAUSE" or "SHOULD" or "HAVE TO" or "HASHEM WANTS IT SO" or "MY SPOUSE WANTS IT SO" but simply because the world is meant to be a certain way. Nothing to do with ME. I am part of the world. I am in harmony with the world.

Here's a metaphor:

The good violinist plays the notes that the conductor wants. But the Master violinist? HE IS TOTALLY UNAWARE OF THE VIOLIN, OF THE SELF, OF THE NOTES THAT SHOULD BE PLAYED OR WHAT HE IS DOING.

To him there is ONLY THE MELODY! ONLY THE ORCHESTRA! ONLY THE MUSIC!

And this is the deepest self. The fullest and truest self. And we only taste it when we totally let go of everything and hear only the beating of our own hearts and existence, and the song of the tzelem Elokim within us that truly has no individuality but is merely part of the melody of Kavod Shamayim which must fill the world. And there is no US. Only the Music!

And if we fall, well, the melody must go on. What does my fall have to do with anything? Guilt? Pain? That's again the "Self"... I

If we fell- well, the melody is Teshuva, and then onward!

NO pretense. NO desire. NO goals. Just Music!




this is one of the greatest emails ever!!!!

Kanesher,
Did you hibernate to somewhere without internet connection?

wooowww.
This is beautiful . I don't believe it. It explains exactly what I'm doing different now that makes me so much happier and not desire lust. I posted in my thread a bit, but it was before I read this email. It makes it so much clearer. I always heard Dov and others talk about 'selflessness' and thinking only about others, and to say the truth it would get me mad. How can they say this? Don't they know how much I give? How much chessed I do?
I didn't get the difference till Duvid Chaim tried explaining that I should take myself entirely out of the picture.
When I did, I finally saw what I was missing.
Till now the self was always involved. I did chessed because that's what I'm supposed to .  I'd listen 'patiently' to others, while seething inside. All this because, I am a generous person and this is what I expect myself to do..
Finally giving to another person, only thinking about them was absolutely liberating.

Thank you for clarifying Kanesher.

Trying, it's funny but Bardy copied this from a chizuk mail, and guess where I took it from? This is a reply that Kansher wrote to YOU about 2 months ago. That's right, to YOU 

lol!!
This is really funnny. But I didn't get it then... I know I discussed this in the past, but without working the steps, there was no way I could chap it.