hi everybody. clean 100 days here. but looking for chizuk in continuing this journey to where we all know we want to be. A little about me. born modern- became frum later in life. Had prob with m* since I was able to. I began working toward recovery about 2 years ago. I had a lot of ups and dowsn, I am finally at a point where things in that area of life seem to be leveling out. only thing is everything else is so up in the air..... I actually dont know whether Im comin or goin. But Hashem has a plan for all of us, and thats what we need to follow.

Wow 100 days. can you please tell us the difference in the urges you have now vs when you were just starting out. They say that it takes 90 days to break a habit. Do you still get strong urges? Are they much weaker? Or is your mental state just so strong that you do not let yourself get in bad situations?

ninety

Well firstly I'm not an expert on recovery. It truly is s/t different for each person, though there may be general things that are helpful for everyone. What works for me, I have seen completely fruitless for others.

That said- I find stress less of a trigger. The trigger of boredom / depression also has lessened. But the natural trigger of seeing someone immodestly clad, or seeing worse is as strong for me as ever.

I have a good filter on my comp that I can't crack and limit my access for the most part. With that done, my external environment has a lot less that's pulling me in the wrong direction.
That's the externals. The internal supports are the freinds I have formed in recovery. The ppl I have met with, spoken with and faced the truth about my challenge with.

Note: I didn't become 'open' on purpose. I was basically caught m*ing, acting out  etc... That potch has had a good impact though it hurt like anything.

Most of all recovery is about each day, not only the total count. I am just as powerless over lust today as when I started my journey 2 years ago. I just have somehow managed to arrange an external environment tht is less triggering, and offers less opportunity to act out. And have made good friends that make me feel less alone and whom I can call when I feel like doing s/t that I know will ultimately be bad for me. 

Life is about living sober not acting sober.

Does the seeing of immodest women subside as a trigger if you stay clean longer?

I dont know... hopefully i will let you know when i get there.  As of now, stress and boredom for me have become less of an issue.... attractive/risque/ you know.. that kind of stuff is still major challnge to shemiras haeinayim and machashava. and we know where it goes after taht. BUT- recovery is a different road for everyone. Things taht work for me, could be totally useless to others. For me, being honest has been teh best medicine. calling out to friends- revealing (to safe people) the extent of what lust is plaguing me, is for me a way of being mchniyah myself. It is my surrender to powerlessness. But being powerless is not being hopeless. Powerless, at teh end of teh day, to me means one thing- the admission that I need help to cope with this. That help comes from higher power, and from good friends. (incidentally, I have a friend in AA who looks at the help he gets from friends as sort of a higher power as well. the group, so to speak, is a higher power for him (according to what i understood from our conversations). I thought taht was a nice thought. But again- that thought didnt occur to me, and doesnt do alll that much for me, though I think it is interesting. So HIS recovery, is not MY recovery. It's about finding what works for you. maybe it's figure skating- or skydiving, and if its mutar al pi halacha, and doesnt bother anyone- Go for it. Noone can be an expert in YOUR recovery but you. Though there are certain things taht seem to help thousands of addicts and as such it is prolly logical to give those thigns a try to see if they work for yuo, before you decide that what you really need to to pledge all of your income for a year to teh sally struthers cancer fund every time you act out.

I will tell you that everytime I am with an internet connection taht has not filtering on it, I get teh willies. that seems not to have stopped yet, I am told however by people in a program of recovery for many yeas that this too subsudes.

Wanted to save a gret thought that someone shared here on my thread.

The guy told a story about his son. He was going to pick his son up from someplace or somerhing like that, and his son's hands were dirty. His son wanted to hold his hand, and although he didn't really like the idea, he took his son's hand in his, even though it would make his hand dirty.....

Kind of like when we reach out to Hashem, even if our hands are dirty, he will still take hold of ours.

Hey BOT,

It is nice to read about people that are succeeding in this struggle. Thanks for sharing and keep it up!

Hi installed thanks for droppong in. I'm not 'succeeding'. I am just as powerless as I was when I started on my path to sobriety. I'm just a lot less hopeless. Powerless is not hopeless.

My gye friends and particularly getting together in a safe setting with guys who are facing the same challenge has been integral to helping me learn to cope wth addiction. There is no cure, and we never become not an addict though as we know. But getting honest w/ the right ppl in my life (sometimes being forced into it other times choosing to do it on my own) has been key so far. If I can ever share anything that will help another yid, or another human being that suffers under addiction it would be my pleasure.

Words and terminology I don't like:

Beat addiction
Overcome lust
Calling addiction a YH.

Terminology I do like:
Recovering, growing, calling addiction a disease.

great man keep it up

maybe it would help to avoid looking and starring at women, as the eyes have a direct link to the heart, the brain doesnt interact between them, so as soon as the eyes sees something exciting, it sends a wakeup message direct to your heart, so the idea here is to avoid looking and seeng, there are 3 stages, seeing, looking, starring, if you saw at least dont look, and if you looked then for any price dont stare, do it for one day only, then for just one more day, and take it from there, remember your not alone, hashem is on your side!

it seems to me there are really 2 stages- seeing by accident, and then looking/gazing or whatever you want to call it but -ON PURPOSE for pleasure.

But regardless, I have little willpower when I am in a situation where a triggering site is available to not look on purpose. My sobriety is largely dependant now on controling the external circumstances as best I can and keeping what triggers inaccessible. I know it aint to great, but tis where I'm @ right now. I guess I DO need to firm that up and develop more resolve though on my own.

just truck along

dont think

dont cry

dont eat ice cream

just truck along

Timeless, simple and profound,,,, bards is always there for you to make things clearer. When u need him