Hello All,
This is my second post since i've joined GYE, i'm not so good with forums, i have a hard time expressing myself with them id rather talk to someone, however i'm about to reach the wall of honor, and there's something that's bothering me
just to give a little background, im 25 yrs old married with to kids BH, ive been struggling since 8th grade (back then it was magazines)
The 90 chart is the perfect tool  for me, im almost there and im so exited, however i dont feel totally comfortable with my clean days, BH im clean from internet sights, blackberry, and yz'l.

However i must confess that there were a few times that my mind drifted that led me to masturbate without going to the end, it was sort of a stress reliever,
The reason why i didn't click "i had a fall" was because i felt that i was still on a good streak with my other battles, and i probably would have went on a rampage losing everything, im an all or nothing guy.

maybe since i have so many clean days it'll be easier to start over to make an even cleaner 90 days.

so i feel its proper to ask everyone, should i start all over or continue on the chart ?

Hi and welcome to the forum,

i am not familiar with the rules of the 90 days so i will leave that question for others. some of the other ideas you mentioned resonate with me. like being all-or-nothing. that is something many people, especially people with addictive tendencies or addictions have ingrained in their mind (including me).

either we are 'a malach or a galach', either we are the epitomy of perfection or the most depraved individual. so if we slipped along the way then the whole thing is out the window.

wrong. even if you had a slip/fall, whatever it was, you made PROGRESS. you went against your habits for a beautiful chunk of time. and guess what? you are a human being and you will not be perfect (at least not this week), you will stumble and fall here and there, especially if you are dealing with a habit/addiction formed over many years.

so appreciate what you did do. the newly formed good habits, the heightened awareness, the victories.

as they say on GYE:
Keep on Trucking

(meaning, don't wallow in the past, pick yourself up and LIVE, right now, for now)
wishing you the best
zs 

According to the rules you did fall. However, in fact you made a lot of progress, i don't want you to lose the encouragment of the first 90 days. So, how about we will do the next 90 days, day 90 to 180 fully clean as per the 90 days chart rules ?

Keep on trucking. One day at a time.

ZS thank you for the Chizuk,

shteighecher - i love the idea , however i need some sort of stress relief, excersize helps a lot but thats another thing i can never keep up
why is masturbating so bad what if i think about my wife

i need help
im almost at 90 days and im falling apart
im stuck in manhattan on a hot summer day in my office
any suggestions

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!!!!!!

DONT LOOK BACK!!!!!!!!!

sometimes it helps if you verbalize  to another person what you want to do

Focus on what you have, not on what you are missing. You probably have a lot more than you are missing.
That's called living life!

I'm very happy that you made it through and you are clean. Going up to 100 and beyond.

A New Life wrote on 25 Jul 2011 18:41:



is your hardship and need for help related to the above question ? is it the answer as well ?

I don't think i'm capable of answering it, because, i don't really get the question at all. But, can someone answer on it please (maybe the Reba).

Thank you all.

it's bad cause it's wrong

it's wrong

cause chaza"l teach us it's wrong

we are bound by their laws and we don't change our morals to fit the whims of the generation

actually the gemara in nidda 13 a&b spell it out cleRLY

LOOK IT UP


so it's got nothing to do with what oyu are thinking

I don't want to debate it

all i can tell u

your thinking is wrong

you were blessed with a means to satisfy her and you are using her in a way only to satisfty yourself

so that is negative behavior

negative behavoir breeds more negativity

where do we stop??

do u get my drift??

so if you an addict,GET HELP


there is help

KOT

Hello A New Life,

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

...also...

What you're describing shows IMPROVEMENT.

You haven't been acting out.  You haven't been going to this addictive behavior to relieve your pain.

BUT, now you've got to take a good look at this pain, these negative emotions.

You've moved up a few notches.  The fight isn't about whether or not to act out.  No, that's just the beginning.

The real fight is to face all those negative feelings, restlessness, irritability, and discontent.  And especially fears and resentments.  What is causing THESE feelings--and driving us to our pain relief?  What is happening in our lives?  What are we doing that we could be doing better?  Where could we be thinking a little less of ourselves and a little more of others.  Where can we move away from the control panel of life and let G-d do the job instead?

That's when life starts getting better.  The pain starts to fade.  The urge to act out gets weaker, too.

--Eye.

I have to agree with Rebbe Bard's here.

I will put it bluntly:

A New Life wrote on 25 Jul 2011 18:41:


That sentence is an oxymoron.

It is impossible to masturbate when thinking about your wife.

If you would think about your wife, you wouldn't be masturbating.

What you really meant to say is: "What is wrong with using my wife's image or fantasizing about my wife while masturbating?"

And the answer is: bardichev wrote on 27 Jul 2011 19:15:


She never gave you permission to use her that way, and if she knew she would be utterly disgusted.

And this is all besides the distance that one puts between himself and the RBS"O with this aveirah.

בינגו!!

Do global moderators get Hebrew with the package?