Shalom Aleichem,
I used to post on the forum a lot but after not having a computer for almost a year, I havent posted in a while. Well, I'm back and i wanted to start up again.

This past year I studied in yeshiva (i'm baal teshuvah) and it was an incredibly successful year in terms of learning and shteiging (i.e. growing). However, problems with shemiras habris persisted. In terms of my attitude towards this area, i've definitely matured and grown but still the results arent coming. I just wanted to share a few perspectives on my own problem (to clarify for myself as well) and hopefully thing'll get started on the right foot.

I know how wrong it is to look at porn and be mz"l. I know that its an aveirah and serves as an obstruction to my relationship with H-shem. For the most part, i can feel this and sometimes i even get enthusiastic when H-shem tests me in this area because i know that its just another way i get to serve Him. My problem is when it comes to the daily grind. For me, i can feel great for a couple of weeks and all it takes is that one afternoon to ruin the streak. And i know that i have to think of this as a process and a journey, not a number. But realistically, its a human tendency to look only at the goal and not the journey and when i see the number of days at 0 instead of 20, its crushing (though i'm usually good about not staying down for a couple of days wallowing in self-pity). So i know that staying busy and keeping away from unsupervised internet are must's and i know that the only way for me to win this battle is through introspection, so here I am, back on the forums and hopefully ready to fight.

And (i know its a lengthy post but thanks for reading this far) now i want to put in writing what i'm doing and what i've done to ensure that i'll at least tip the scales in my favor and not (chas v'shalom) say that "this time is different.":

1) post on the forum every day. whether its just a one-line check-in or a reflection on the day, i want to make it a priority to post every day.
2) i have a filter on my computer with the filter gabbai holding the password
3) not use the computer except when its at my desk (and with my bedroom door open)
4) read the chizuk emails every day.
5) post on other threads to give others chizuk and daven for everyone else during shemonah esrei

i know i'm missing something but hopefully this list will only grow. i know i have the tools and resources to be able to overcome this taavah. and i look forward to working my way back onto the forums.

Day 1

hatzlacho!

thats great!
not just hatzlacha, but hatzlacha rabbah!
KOT

just checking in. things are great here b/c today i had a good shift at work and also learned well before that shift.

and i had an interesting thought during davening this morning. and i've said the pasuk literally more than a thousand times (and probably many more). the pasuk "H-shem hoshi'ah hamelech ya'aneinu b'yom kar'einu/ Save us on the day we call" comes up a couple of times and i realized its literally the perfect advice for me and i just have to follow through. so many times after a fall i would wonder why nobody kicked in my door and told me what an aveirah i was doing (okay not actually this but just why i wasnt reminded that what i was doing is bad).  then i'd think "why didnt i just daven and talk to H-shem that i get through this test." and i realized that the pasuk makes sense. H-shem will help us if we daven for his help. He's just waiting to "extend His arm."

Hatzlocha RABBAH!

Day 2

had another good day. even though i had a good chunk of free time b/c i didnt work today, i didnt have any slips though realistically i could've done more learning :-[. but B"H i'm doing well and hopefully everyone else is too.

hatzlocha rabbah.

day 3

baruch hashem,
great work!
im well and glad to hear that you are well!
you should be zoche to many more good days one day at a time!

thanks for your responses HashemsSoldier, i really appreciate them.

todays another good day. just gotta keep pluggin away every day and focus on every day as its own individual entity. i'll keep davening that everyone on the forums (myself included) only receive brachos from H-shem.

hatzlocha rabba!

Day 4

awesome!
your absolutely correct, you must only think about today,
continued hatzlacha rabbah!

Great. Keep it up the great work. Besimcha.

i'm definitely starting to feel a snowball effect. posting on the forum is helping immeasurably and posting in other peoples thread also helps me to get things straight for myself (and hopefully helps the people i'm posting to  :D). i know that i just need to be careful and make sure i dont ever put myself on autopilot. i just gotta stay busy and with H-shem's help, i'll stay out of trouble.

one thing that i'm happy about is that i've set a limit on myself on not using the computer more than 3 times a day (whether its to check email or GUE or anything) and this is definitely helping. i know i can still use certain portions of my day more effectively and B"H i'm working to fix them.

thanks hashemssoldier and shteighecher for your posts back!

with H-shem's help i've made it through another day.

day 5

the ikkur is to keep on posting and to be besimcha and to keep on trucking!

Great. You are doing nice, now, remember, we cant handle to much at a time. So, for now we will only do one day at a time. We will care now only abut today. We don't care now about tomorrow, we might be clean, we might act out, we really dont care about it today. We will take care of it tomorrow.

just wanted wanted to say Good Shabbos to everyone! B"H all's well here.

hatzlocha rabbah!

Day 6.

had a really busy day working so not so much time for relaxation (but i did meet my learning goals even though i was dead tired  8) . B"H things with computer use in general, especially in this area, are all good. i realized my count was off though. so today is day 7 complete.

hatzlocha rabbah.

Day 7.

Shlomo,

Welcome back! Nice to see you here ;-).

Much hatzlocha.

beautiful
KOT