Shalom!
I will start that I'm a native Israeli' and that is why my English isn't so good....so I guess you will see many many mistakes...what can I do?
Ok ' so I found this site at Pesach' and was soooooo happy! at last' I found a place that I can be there and share and hear from others[The only problem here' that I need something like that' in Hebrew' and the Hebrew forum here is died....and the only Hebrew site I know is ATZAT NEFESH, but I found  this site is much more helpfull for me]. I just came to a point where I can't continune any more...I'm 35 years old' father of 5 lovely kids. I have learned in a Yeshiva for years, and also got a Smicha [I use Hebrew words, I hope you will understand me] , I teach Tora, and try to serve Hashem, as much as I can.....but as I talk to him, I tell him, HTZ"L is my main problem in Avodan Hashem....for 22 years I have tried and tried but it just didn't work! Lately' I thought to my self going throw 12 steps recovery group, but I have few problems with that : 1) what shell I tell my wife? 2) The truth, I'm ashame [MITBAYESH] to be with others' and although the gmora on kidushin says, about that Rav who saied , I prefer being MEVAYESH my talmidim in this world and not in the next world....It's difficult.

Anyway' I red the handbook, and I really got new advices! I read the e- mails' each and every day, and get a real chizuk! I have srarted my journey for the 90 days, for now I got to 29 days!! I have never got so many clean days! I used to mastrabte at least 3 times a weak, there were weeks , that I did it for 7 times a week. I just can't belive it , that with g-d help, I have 29 clean days.

I make a Neder, that if I use porn , I will pay 3,000 nis[New Israel's Shekel] for tzdoka, I make this Neder at Shabat, and I say that it is only for 1 week, until the next shabat. The reason I do that is , that at shabat and Friday, I don't do these sins [ for years] so shabat is a  time when my soul is high, and the mind can control the body. At the last Shabat ,I found it very tough, to make the Neder, like my brain said to me :"What?! for the whole week you will not be able to get any relief? What will happen if you will feel bad about yourself, or be in stress, what will calm you?!" The last week was not so simple, and this is why the Yestzer Harar got to talk to me so hard! He may be fulish and old, but he defantly[ bevaday] has his weapons.... ok so thats's my story for today....I wish I can continue , but I have to do some other things now... Thak's alot!!!! You are raelly great.... [ My real desire today is to come to the Yomim Noraim, when I am clean for months....
I hope for all of us, just all the good in the wold, Bezrat Hashem....

Dearest ulay-yachus,
You have absolutely come to the right place. For years I have been sick and addicted to masturbation and pornography and only until I came into a 12 step group did I realize that I was an addict and this is what I truly needed. I appreciate your sincerity and I truly believe that you are making great strides in doing teshuva. For me however this was not enough and I needed a 12 step group. Things only got better for me once I started sharing with other real people.

Hi ulay-yachus!

Welcome, and I hope to hear more about your successes.  There are some great people on here who can point you in the right direction with regard to 12-step programs, and how it could work in your situation.

I hope 3000NIS is practical and affordable for you and for your family - but with 29 days clean, I trust you'll be spending that on a lovely time out with your wife when you hit 90 days, and determine you no longer need a "deposit" on sanity!

Thanks for the wellcome....

I take a Neder of 3,000 NIS, because from the one hand, I won't die if I will had a fall, but from the other hand if I fall it will hurt....
one of the things,which I have problem with is , when the bad days come, and I feel I have to act out, then I tell to myself: "Ok , It's just today, that I have to be strong.." but, deep in heart I feel I lie to myself, since my mission is really to end this thing, forever! The fact that I have to suffer for all my life, seems to me, the hardest thing here...

SHENIZKE!
[sub]בעזרת ה', יהיה בסדר!
[b]I'm a native Israeli, this is wh m English isn't the best.....[/[/b]sub]

One of the sayings that I must live by is "one day at a time". For me this is the only way how to live with my addiction. When I tried to beat this thing forever I always failed and ended up acting out. However once I adopted the one day at a time attitude the task did not seem daunting anymore. I realize that this addiction is always going to be a part of me but as long as I stay focused on what I have to do today then I know everything is going to be ok. Its not like I can do anything about tomorrow anyways so why worry about that. Stay with the focus that you mentioned and things will get better.

Thanks!

B"H I had 30 days clean, already, and I feel that my NYSOYEN is to make the NEDER at shabat.  BTW my Neder isn't that if I fall on MTZ"L I will pay money for tzdaka, my Neder is that  if I will watch porn I will put money for tzdaka, that gives me the possbility to MTZ"L but without seeing anything, what make it "not worth" .and this is why I'm clean, but in the other hand I feel like I have PAT BESALO.

When I know that it will cost me so much, when I going to the wrong direction, I run from it ' like it was an electric fance.
I am greatful , that I'm here, and feel much more protect when poeple like me, are facing the same yezter as I do.
Thank you gueys, and above all, thank you Hashem!!
_{I'm a native Israeli, that is why my English isn't the best}

Welcome Chaver.

English not so good- who cares. This is not English class and the addiction can get the best of you whether you speak English, Yiddish, Hebrew fluently ze lo nafka mina.

You are in the right place and heading in the right direction. Wow - you are up to 30 days! Good for you. But i want to tell you one thing - lots of people when they find this site they go for a few week streak but then they fall and cant get up. A big key is- Dont go for the grand slam just try getting to first base. We all want to kick it for life but sometimes we need to work it slowly. Does that mean you should give in ? NO. But this idea of "one day at a time" that means today all I need to do is get through today, Tomorrow I will deal with tomorrow. To me this is key to recovery.

As far as nedarim- I hope it works for you. But again if you see it doesn't Dont give up! The Y"H biggest win is if we fall and we get down about it. We need to get up as soon as we fall. Why am i telling this to you? Do i think you will fall? I hope not. But if we are not prepared then if C"V we do fall then we loss hope. So its always better to have a game plan ahead of time.

I have tried nedarim- for me mine was more then 10,000 shekel. and I fell. But b"h i learned about getting up and not looking back. SO you can try that but remember it's not the only way.

Anyway- Your presents is a chizuk for me and i am sure for every one her. We have rabbanim, dayonim, balei batim, collel yungerman and any other mix you can think of on this site. So sit back and join the conversation.....

Hatzlacha...

HM 

Thank you heuni memass.

I hear what you say, and I realy don't know, since I saw what it says in the heandbook, I thought to my self maybe I will do it, step by step, and I will start with allowing my self , one slip at a week, and then going farther, but I'm afraid that if I do it that way, I will start "sliping" more and more often.... ever katan...masbio raev....
But from the other hand, I'm afraid, as you said , that one fall will break me, totally, and I sometimes feel that it is VERY VERY hard to be "clean".
Is this what you mean? doing it gradually ?
What can I use expect then Nedarim? I got a filter, and the password isn't at home' and at night, which is the dangerous time , I have no access to it...

I will be glad to hear more about the gradually thing, because it realy bothers me

TODA!
MY ENGLISH ISN'T THAT GOOD, I'M AN ISRALI

No No thats not what i was saying. You are doing the right thing i dont think you should let your self slip. However, Dont think about the grand slam all YOU need to think is getting on to base and thats by looking at now.  What will happen tomorrow - you dont think about it now. you will think about it when tomorrow is now.  Sure we want to end it for life - but that cannot be our outlook because that out of our reach.    Right now let me deal with now and thats it.

When we look at yesterday and today and tomorrow and next week it is too over whelming and we fall. Sometimes even thinking about the whole day may get over whelming. At a time like that we need to think about mamish now. I need to stay clean for 5 minutes and when the 5 minutes are over then you work on the next 5 minutes.

Mayvin? kapredei? farshteist?

Yes totally mevin.... : 

Ha'ivrit shlie tzrich tikun....Aval henglit shlach hu meod beseder.

I liked your nick name...we both come from yamim noraim....and I'm also "uni", ulay yachus am uni ve evyon - ulay yerachem.....

Its usually how we feel when we join. But with the help of Hashem we start felling like instead of Yu'chos we become Me'yuchos.

Like the Gmora says : hizhru bivney unieem - shemehem tetze Tora - Be carful with the sons of the poor poeple- the Tora is going to come from them... ;D

yes.

Do you have a filter on your computer? How about something like webchaver?