7Up wrote on 12 Oct 2009 20:43:


You can say that again!
Things are much bigger and go beyond the litvish/yeshiva world and chassidishe world as well, let' not forget that.
Did you ever hear of Mashiach's hat?

Dear Holy,

I find that awareness is a big step in recovery and I'm not always too good at it, shkoyach on your "confessions". I understand them as, I am aware and I am keeping track of myself and what's going on with me.

Shkoyach on 70! In terms of perspective..., everyday for me is hard. When I'm not out of my mind, I can remember that Hashem is always helping me and always there. Also, and seriously, one day at a time. I find this difficult, don't always get it, but I think it's really the emes. There is nothing like this moment, right here, right now.

I must admit that the email for hitting 70 saved my life last night. Last night was very rough but thank G-d I am here whole.

I am focusing on living not on escaping or fighting.

Struggle, you got it right with my confessions. I wanted to put that out in public so I will have to face it.

As I get closer to 90 I am wondering what should my focus be. What goal will keep me clean? Maybe try another 90 days.
I realized that I need to focus ON LIVING as Dov always tells us. I am working up the courage to face my life and find ways to have a much more meaningful life. This is a challenge, it requires CHANGE in real ways but I am facing it down.

Focus on STAYING clean. And then focus on giving back. I find that when I am feeling weak, the knowledge that the GYE family would be thrown by me falling after 90 is a tremendous incentive. But nothing is more important than what Dov says: One day at a time for no-one but yourself - the most important person in the oilam!

7Up wrote on 14 Oct 2009 09:07:


I try to focus on staying clean but I wonder when will I get there when will it end. I guess I am lacking i my acceptance of my problem, but right now it is hard to accept.

It doesnt have to end as the eiver koton will be subdued by then and will let you fight it out alone with the YH

I am close to 90, BEH, but i have a problem. From time to time I have these very strange thoughts that I should break my streak because I do not really want to do this 90 day thing. I think I am afraid to really start to be free. I am afraid of having to face the responsiblity of having to deal with life. The muck is firmilair and I hate it but I know it. Being free is strange. It holds new options and oppertunites. I don't know what will happen. I don't know if there are suggestions but I think sharing this will help

Holy Yid wrote on 28 Oct 2009 00:34:


This is one of the most "interesting" posts I've ever read... hmmm...

I find myself at loss on how to answer this one (and that's a chiddush for me  :D)

It looks like you are anxious because of the unknown.

You know what, hold it till then and tell the YH that if the next level is too hard you can still break it then c"v.

If you would c"v fall then you are still back to #1 so just keep it up and shut him up! :D

The Bne Issachar writes (Derech Pikudecha): “We have a tradition from our fathers that the Yetzer Hara desires more than anything to attack the person through sexual sins, because included in this lust are all the others. And R’ Nachman also writes that these temptations are our main test in life.

It says in the Korbonos: “Zeh Haisheh asher Takrivu LaHashem – This is the fire that you should sacrifice to Hashem”. Ishah means fire, and it also means “a woman”. The biggest sacrifice that a man needs to make in his life for Hashem is zeh Ha’isheh – this desire for women and the fire of lust.

By working on these areas, we ultimately learn to give over our entire heart to Hashem, as the Pasuk says “Bechol Levavcha - with all your heart”. And Chazal say “Bishnei Yitzrecha – with both your inclinations”.

This is a struggle with the deepest human emotions. And therefore, fixing these emotions fixes a person deeper than anything else. That's why it's called Yesod. Hashem is not just telling us not to be dirty. Rather, he is telling us to build ourselves with the things we don’t do. The foundation of a building is underground and no one sees it, but it holds up the entire building. Shmiras Habris is the hidden part of a Jew, it's the real you. And if the foundation of a Jew is weak, his whole spiritual structure is fragile and in grave danger of collapse.

And not only are we fixing ourselves deeply through this struggle, we are also fixing the world. Every generation has its tests, and this is likely the test of our generation. There has never been a time in history where promiscuity and licentiousness filled the world in every corner to the degree that it does in our time. In the generation before Moshiach’s time, we are cleaning out the filth from the very bottom of the barrel. We are doing the final work before the great days that are to come.

Only great souls with immense potential were given this difficult job. So if Hashem gave us this struggle, it means he trusted us with a great mission. This alone should bring us joy and motivation to substantiate His trust. And of-course if we succeed, we will be in the front lines to greet Moshiach!

Besides for all this, addictions only get worse. If you don't want to be free, you will stay in the cycle of sin, sunk in the mud, sinking deeper and deeper until you lose both this world and the world to come.

So maybe you do want to be free, after all? 

Hate to break it to you Holy Yid, but 90 is not magic.

You will still feel triggered at times, still fight falling and all the shmutz. The familiar garbage will still be there to keep you company, unfortunately.

The difference is that now you will be battling without leg shackles holding you down. The 90 days refers to breaking the physical neurological pathways which the addiction pattern created. yh and habit aint going nowhere.

BUt after 90, you will discover the ability to soar, while till now youve been forced to crawl.
And then; the sky's the limit!

Holy Yid wrote on 28 Oct 2009 00:34:


Dear HY,

I just realized, and I don't know if you intended it, buy HY is YH backwards...
Cool...
You have the power!

Anyway, so this post of yours that I quoted above really resonates with me.
I find that realizing this is a huge step.
Then I can ask myself,
What do I have to lose by stepping out of this "muck"?
What does it give me?
What do I stand to gain by leaving it?
What is there for me on the other side?
Now, with looking at all that and being honest with myself,
what do I really want?

Holy Yid,
this is my first post in a while.
I'm wondering how you are doing
and, even if [quote="7Up] 90 is not magic [/quote],
where you are holding.

Hope all is well.

b'ahava,

Sturggle

Wow, HY, you even got Sturggle out of his corner!


I like his call on HY versus YH!

Hey Sturggle, I saw that post. Get out from under the couch! 

I am BH past 90 days. I started a new thread you can find it here
rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1377.0;topicseen