if you can do a week

break it up in small pieces

one more week

we are all roootinggg for your sucessss!!!!
b

Instead of struggling with the lust, which is too hard for us addicts, let's try "letting go" of it instead. We addicts can't even afford to "work on this area", it's too hard for us to focus on "the problem", it's too powerful for us. Instead, we just need to let go of lust completely, not even give lust the time of day. Instead of living in the problem, we need to live in the Solution - which is to look for how we can give to others and do for Hashem, instead of taking for ourselves. Lust is all "Me" centered, so every time we start to lust, we can choose to just painlesslessly "switch channels" to "giving" mode - thinking OUT of ourselves. For example, davening for the one we are lusting for, or davening that Hashem's will be done, not ours. This is living in the solution.

This Yesod I learned from Dov, and I think it is the best advice I ever heard.

I fell.
I need to think about this and carry on.
The mashal of the guard who kicked the bag of the poor man many times and in the end he got it all gives me chizuk.

Thank you all for being here. It is so much better to come here after I fell than to wallow in self hate.

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I fell again.

Last night I got a partner and send him some new rules I am imposing on myself. Today i decided that they don't apply to this site and my email where I get chizuk emails. One thought led to another and I fell. I stuck to some of the rules for a few hours and I am glad about that.

I need to remember that once I am online and in violation of my rules I am powerless.

I also realize that I will have to put in a lot more effort. I did not take this recovery and abstinence serious enough. Abstinence is very simple, it means don't do it. It means stay off the internet.

I have long known that I need to be very busy bein hazimanim. This is where I have control and this is where I am sinning. This is the point I am now focusing on. I plan to take back my life so I start with being busy.   

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Tomim2B wrote on 04 Aug 2009 00:29:


You are right I make rules but don't have the motivation or commitment to keep them.

-- deleted --

This is almost no good reason for me to be online. The only one is to come here and to email my partner. Tomorrow until Friday I will only do these two things. I will report here.

Thank you for taking the time and for your comments.

-- deleted --

I fell again.

I need to find a way to break this spiral.

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Sometimes its good to break up your goal to even smaller pieces, like working really hard on guarding your eyes or having only clean thoughts for the next hour or two.
Admittedly, the day can feel long or more challenging this way, but occasionally it may be necessary should there be a lot of inappropriate thoughts or desire for unacceptable behaviours!

We must always try to keep ourselves busy and productive - and ideally plan our day the night before to avoid any 'early morning temptation that might occur.

I am pleased that I am writing this now as my day has been a really slow start and quite unproductive - but im going to listen to my own advise now and hopefully we can together be strong

Holy Yid, please print out and read the GYE handbooks... You may need to use shavu'os to help you keep your rules - HOWEVER - if you do, you must do it very wisely. Never make a neder not to act on the actual addiction, rather make a neder (for a short amount of time to make sure it works for you) that if you act out, you will have to do something difficult (like go to shul and stay there for 2 hours or something like that), or make a neder that BEFORE you allow yourself to give in to the addiction, you will first need to take a 10-15 minute walk... You have to do this carefully and smartly, but it can REALLY help.

Read more ideas in the handbook. Like Tamim said, we keep falling and learning - until we REALLY know how to STAY up. Use the GYE handbook as your guide... As one tool proves not to be enough, move on to the next tool. You will make it!

I am going to be using an hour count for the next while. Right now I am 18 hours clean. I had many urges I resisted.

I have also gotten tough. I use a very loud, strong voice in my head when I have an urge. I imagine myself swinging a big sharp sword at my temptation.

I am abstaining for one more hour.

1.I plan to occupy my self intensely for at least 3.5 hours daily.
2. Only use the computer that is visible
3.and only when someone is on the floor.

When I do this for a week I will reward myself. If I break these rules I will B'N do fifty push ups. week starts now.