happy purim. its good to be clean on such a special day..

Its been a rough 24 hours, my y''h is trying to use new subtle methods in order to make me fall. I can't quite explain it, but he is def skilled in his art.

TRYing...

Hey fire. I'm summoning some energy from within to help you out. I owe you one for last night. Pick me up, I'll pick you up!

davening for you! You can do it!
try to find what it is exactly that is getting you.
the more specific you can be with identifying his methods of attack
the better equipped you will be to do battle with him
and if you wish, the chevra here can relate to the specifics that you post and tell you what has worked for them.
KOT!!!!

not clean... fell tonight... stupid filter doesnt always work,,,grh... this is so annoying,,,,,

fell again..

K-9 is to EASY to get passed. I need something stronger

get eblaster.

fire, I know its frustrating to fall. But falling or not is only part of the picture. Try to look at the causes, what brings you to the nisayon. Try to see the big picture, it may help avoid the problem in the first place. Talk it out and post it, maybe see if the handbooks can help you work this thing out.
KOT

Thanks Gesher Tzar Meo, lets see

What brings me to fall.

1. When I am depressed from dating to many ppl who are not right for me.

2. i am having a hard time finding employment even though I am new to the game

3. stress

I use mas* as a fix or a drug. I need to find other ways to deal with life when it gets rough.


    Went to the mikvah, learned, readjusted my mindset. one day at a time. one breath at a time. Don't think about how long 90 days is. think about the present. think about what I can do to make sure i don't entice myself. let the lust go. trust in hashem, that he wants u to succeed.

day 1 clean.

That's great, fire! Going to the mikvah is a very good thing to do. It really is all about letting go, and not hanging on to any lingering desires. I have to remember that myself...

good job fire!
stress is one of my issues as well and you put it very well we use M as a drug to feel good temporarily. Unfortunately it doesnt last long and then we are left with the guilt and after effects of acting out. The YH gets us coming and going.  >
the kuntz now is to find other healthier ways to deal with the stress or other triggers. keep talking and posting, it helps you develop these tools and to find deeper understanding of yourself and your needs.
KOT

today was challenging at times, i picked up a sports illustrated at the doctors office flipped through a couple of pages only to find pages of scantly dressed women. thank god i was able to control myself over my lust to take a second look.

Y''H flared a bunch today and I was some how able to distract myself.

thanks for all the advice NoYa and Gesher Tzar Meod have a good shabbos.

clean.. and loving every minute of it.

good for you fire! putting down the magazine took alot of effort and self control. each time you do that you strengthen your resolve.
keep up the good work!

failed this shabbos in putting down a magazine.. I started reading a national geographic some how got slightly turned on by a article about how foxes can be domesticated and that domesticated animals have a different genetic code than none... WT*.. and then there was this pic of some beach from a far and i was trying to see if i could make anything out... It;s like what will my Y"H think of next and what will I be stupid enough to look at.  Is that a slip? My Y"H was going crazy all shabbos and when it wasn't, i was thinking of of the girl who shattered my heart a couple of months ago.

Stiill clean. some how hanging in there, prob bec of my vows, that I don't want to break and bec if I break them I'll have to pay for it.. thank g-d im a cheap lazy jew.

fire. get moving in a different direction. It sounds like youre waiting around for trouble to happen. Find things to keep yourself busy with. That way your YH wont have time to play games with you.