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Here I go...

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: Here I go... 1173 Views

Here I go... 09 Mar 2011 02:52 #100255

frottberg

Hineni muchan umezuman to pull myself out of 15 years of valley of hinnom. I got to 30 some odd days about three, maybe four months ago and then everything just came crashing down all at once. I think at this point my activities are the worst they;ve been in a long time. One thing I chapped is that the yetzer gets much tougher after a period of triumph. Quite honestly, I've had enough. I'd like to run a log of some sort as a personal mechayev.

So about me: I'm 28, I've been learning in kollel for the past 4 and a half years. I have three gorgeous children. My wife is a tremendously dedicated, holy, wonderful person. I first experienced masturbation when I was 13, I was completely torn up by it. It didn't really catch on until I was 19. I'm not sure why. I discovered porn when I was about 15. That caught on real quick. I was surfing newsgroups and sites oggling at...well, you know. I've tried to stop, many times, made kabbalos, etc, and nothing has worked. I feel very sharply that things are coming to a head, maybe because of other things going on in my life. I need to make a decision and take a stand NOW, before I lose that chance.

So here's my stand. I'm One Day Clean.

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Re: Here I go... 09 Mar 2011 03:38 #100256

Rising Up
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While your Y"H may get tougher after a triumph, it is a sign of his weakness and your strength that you managed to triumph in the first place. Remember that you are not doing this for anyone other than yourself, and that includes your wife and children. They are only the beneficiaries of this, they are not the reason why you are going to do this. here is a piece that I wrote about a month back that may offer you some inspiration at the onset of your journey.

I have spent the past week reading the struggles of other members on GYE. It is truly an honor to share my thoughts with some of these members. After reading through many of those that succeeded in overcoming their struggles, I have come to the realization that I can truly succeed with GYE as my vehicle on the road to recovery. In truth, much of the inspiration that I do receive from the various members does come from those members that have not yet seen their efforts culminate successfully. Those that try over and over again offer inspiration to those that are first starting out on the tortuous road to recovery. While we all realize that it will not be an easy battle, it makes it all the much easier to see those that are up ahead of us leading the way. We are not being led blind, we see the results of those that have succeeded, and we can see those that are well on the way ahead of us. We can see those that have stopped on the side of the road. Some to take a quick break before loading up again, some have ran out of fuel, and some need some help getting their wheels rolling. Whatever it is, there is always the site of a rescue team there with those people that serves to reassure us so very much. The knowledge that help is never far away serves as a motivator to those that are teetering on the brink of the long road, those that are still just starting out, and even to those that are at full speed yet need some reassurance and direction. Knowing that the road to recovery will never be unlit goes far in the mind of an addict.

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Re: Here I go... 09 Mar 2011 04:35 #100262

yona18 Current streak: 4500 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 364	Hi frottberg, Welcome to GYE! I wish you hatzlacha on your journey! Don't get discouraged if there are any bumps. I've also been trying a lot to stop, and it's definitely hard, but it definitely is possible. One day at a time!
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Re: Here I go... 09 Mar 2011 09:21 #100272

ben durdayah Current streak: 49 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder No, that is not a mouse... Posts: 1253 Karma: 5	Nice to meet you Reb Frottberg. You are in very good company here! Much Hatzlacha, E. ben Durdayah
	For Dov and the other two guys who care, My real name really is Eli Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee Last Edit: by .

Re: Here I go... 09 Mar 2011 16:20 #100330

tzaddik90 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 668 Karma: 1	Me too! tzaddik90, president of sanitationary taskforce (hosing down garbagecans) of gye
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Re: Here I go... 09 Mar 2011 17:49 #100359

frottberg	Thanks, everyone, for your support and well-wishes. I'm on day 2 now. He's trying to convince me to do things by pulling me into activities which are not actually huge problems by themselves, but I know where they'll take me. I'm going to fight him off by going shopping for groceries. Anyone need anything? :-)
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Re: Here I go... 09 Mar 2011 17:52 #100361

ZemirosShabbos OFFLINE Platinum Boarder pass the compote Posts: 6153 Karma: 72	iguana guacamole and killer whale tea please nice of you to offer p.s. if the iguana bites on the way just rub some Woodford onto it
	Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise ~Inna beshem ZS Give, Forgive ~Cordnoy The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting. ~TZ Last Edit: by .

Re: Here I go... 15 Mar 2011 22:27 #101119

Mordechai	Hey reb frottberg, welcome and good job on taking the Y'H'down before he gets up!! Don't give him any room whatsoever. you are doing great!!! keep up!
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Re: Here I go... 16 Mar 2011 22:09 #101239

fire OFFLINE User	Hey frottberg, Keep up the good work, Just wanted to pop in and say welcome. This site is a amazing. Explore it and take advantage of all of its wonderful features.
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